Memories

Posted: November 27, 2010 in Life In General

So I was having this conversation tonight with Andy about childhood memories….. he has so many wholesome childhood memories…. even the bad memories are wholesome types of memories. He has some crappy stepmother stories but other than that…. wholesome.

I feel ripped off. Where the hell are my wholesome childhood memories? I have a few good memories from spending summers with my grandparents in Oklahoma….. but other than that…. ??? All my child hood memories just seem…. bad…. or sad……

Now, Andy is great about memories. He can remember way more than I ever would be able to remember…. so maybe that’s it? Maybe I just have a really sucky ass memory. I mean, I KNOW I have a really sucky ass memory….lol! But I don’t really think that is it…..

No….. I think what has happened in my jaded and hardened heart is that the bad memories discarded the good ones. Like I said, I do have a few good childhood memories…. most of which involve summers in Oklahoma in the safest place I ever knew of…. my grandparents’ home. I am sure I had good memories from my time spent in Texas and Oklahoma as well. I just don’t remember them….

Well, I should say this….. I do remember some of them…. but they just don’t seem so naturally wholesome and pure like Andy’s are. Tim’s were that way too….. so many great wholesome memories. I think all their good memories outweighed their bad ones… or maybe I am just a general party pooper and dwell on shit. Ha! that’s probably it, huh?

Well, I still feel like I got the raw end of the deal in the wholesome memory department. My bad childhood memories way outweigh the good. I have asked people about their bad memories as a child, and for the ones that were eve willing to open up to me about them, I’m sorry, but my bad memories seem way more extreme than theirs.

It’s all perspective though, I’m sure….. I mean, my bad memories may seem like a cake walk to someone else. I may think think someone else’s memories are lame compared to mine (I do, obviously). But it’s all the perspective of the person….. trauma is in the eye of the beholder…. my trauma may be lame to someone else but hey! It’s my fucking trauma, not yours, right?

Andy doesn’t know my bad memories….. not something I share with just anyone. In fact, the only people on earth who even know anything about those memories would be Tim and Chelsea at this point. Maybe someday I would disclose those…. maybe I won’t. As I get older, the trauma is less and less and just simply a part of who I am. I think the childhood traumas shaped me into who I am but I guess as an adult I put less weight on them.

I still wish I had all the incredible funny memories that other people all seem to have of their childhoods….. I would like that way better than the shitty crap I was dealt…..

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Comments
  1. Nate says:

    Hey girlie. Just catchin’ up with you before I head over to the EP chat. I know what you mean about bad memories. I got lots! But, like you, I see that as a part of who I am. And I am so fabulous! 😀

    But I get what you are saying about other people. My Stephen tells me about his charmed silver spoon fed childhood and I want to puke! I just figure in my next reincarnation I will get the apple pie childhood I well deserve because I am such a good boy now! Ha ha!

    Keeping my fingers crossed!

  2. Hilary says:

    Oh no. 😦 I am one of those charmed childhood people you and Nate hate! 😦

    If it makes you feel any better, my very innocent childhood was also sheltered and makes me a naive person. Heh. That sounds lame. You all are right. My childhood was frigging awesome and I make no apologies. 😛 So take that, ya haters!

    • Renee says:

      lol….. Hilary honey….. that was lame….. but if I had a really awesome childhood, I wouldn’t make any apologies either. So no hatin’ going on here! 😉

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