Holy Hell…..

Posted: November 30, 2010 in Life In General

This next 3 weeks is going to kick my ass at work…. I can just feel it….. I can’t wait for VACATION!!!!

So I started dieting again Monday. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ And it fucking sucks ass. The fact of the matter is, I have gained 8 pounds in the 2 months since I started officially seeing Andy *like that* and there is no way I am erasing 2 years and a 60 pound weight loss just because I’m all googly eyed over a man!

I have to lose 10 pounds anyway just to meet my annual goal of 30 pounds lost. That shouldn’t be a problem but it’s the extra 8 that I gained and want to also lose that is probably the impossible task at this point. But we’ll see what happens. I stepped on the scale this morning and I was 3.2 pounds less than yesterday…. water weight I’m sure…. but hey, it’s nice to see it off.

I found out today that Chelsea is working Christmas day. I don’t know the hours but that is going to completely screw up Christmas! And I can’t ask her to do anything different because it is a brand new job that pays amazingly well and she is low man on the totem pole. On the positive side, she will get paid over $20 an hour that day.

I didn’t talk to her long enough to see what is going on for Christmas eve. Despite Tim hating me , and despite the fact that the mother in law that I loved so very dearly never speaks to me anymore , I still encourage and expect the kids to maintain his family’s traditions. I assume and have told them they are going to their grandmother’s for Christmas eve church service and supper. I hope Tim maintains that by actually calling them and inviting them.

James will try to get out of it if Tim doesn’t reinforce it. That’s James’ big whine about Tim is that Tim never includes him or invites him to anything, which I think is bullshit. I’m sure Tim does try to invite James but whatever. James is just a whiner in general. It’s not just because he is male…. it’s in his DNA as well.

So I have no idea what we are going to do. The boys are gonna say “screw Chelsea!” All Demareo has talked about since he moved in was Christmas morning breakfast…. and James will say he has nowhere to go that day so I will need to do the traditional thing there that day and hang out. I am kind of hoping Andy has to work Christmas eve, otherwise I will feel bad that I am not with him on Christmas day.

He may be willing to come hang out at the house but I think it makes him uncomfortable. He’s never been an especially social person, not even way back in high school. He has never had kids and grown ass kids are a whole other special experience….. he seemed really anxious to leave on Thanksgiving and we were a relatively small crowd that day …. I guess we will see what happens, huh?

I can’t accomodate him on that forever. My kids are a major part of my life. I can’t just be *less* in their lives. They don’t allow that. Even when I try to be less because of my own issues, they always pull me back in…. And I don’t think Andy wants that for me either. He loves me. He definitely loves me. ๐Ÿ˜€ So I just need to find a way to make him feel more comfortable, or at some point, he will have to decide I am worth letting go of whatever fear is holding him back from feeling more comfortable in a heavy family enviroment. He’s just not used to it because his family isn’t that way.

Yeah… I know…. did you think a year ago I would be in this position? I didn’t! This last weekend, he told me I was the total package. ๐Ÿ˜€ Now, I actually have always known I am the total package. I have told ya’ll that before….. but to hear it come out of someone else’s mouth in a sincere way was incredible. That kinda sorta made my weekend!

Oh! Did I tell you that I am almost done with Christmas shopping? Yep! I am! Hate away! I am way over budget since I have to buy for Demareo and Robert, but I am almost done. So I will actually be able to hole myself up for my entire 2 weeks of vacation without running around with my head cut off trying to get last minute gifts bought.

I had to do almost all of the buying this year in cash, too, because I lost my credit card. At first, I was pissed as hell about it. I still haven’t found it. And it’s not been stolen either. I have no clue what I did with it. It’s with my Paypal debit card, though…. It was probably a God send that I lost it, though. I would have just gotten myself in more trouble with it….

Okay, well…. I have rambled long enough. I love you guys for loving me! Have a great week!

PEACE!!!

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