It’s late and I have had two very long days so I am nodding off as I write this…. but I wanted to write a quickie blog to thank the EPers I spoke with the other day when I was in “man crisis” mode. Shereen was out of town so I was very grateful to those of you who rescued me and made me feel less paranoid and crazy…. 😉
Don’t you just love the group video chat lines? They made that night so much easier! Thanks to Hilary for getting us all set up for that and getting it working right! I love you, girl! And now we will start implementing that for the new Monday night chats! Yay!
I am still a little paranoid and scared, but I think that is just my insecurity shining through. You all are so right. I love him. For myself, that is all that matters. All I can do is continue to love him. I would like to think he loves me as well. He tells me he does. I feel like he does. Regardless of the other crap, he does make me feel loved when he wants to show that. And, yes, Nate! I am a needy bitch! Thank you very much for pointing that out to me so eloquently! LOL! I appreciate the honesty…. no, seriously…. I do. And maybe I need to work on that….. but it would be so much easier if I didn’t have to worry about it at all…. *sigh*
So the “plan” is that I am going to just love him with all my heart and soul and just continue to be me and try to shut down the inner thoughts of inadequacy and neediness. I don’t want to lose him. I don’t want him to lose me. I think under it all, we really do fit together so well, and in the end, we need each other. It’s just nice to feel needed myself sometimes, ya know? Plus, I hate the thought of the other women. I know that is just my prior life insecurities but I can’t help it!!!
Anyway…. THANK YOU to all my EP family for coming to my rescue in a time of personal insanity and emotional crisis…. I love our little group and how supportive we are of each other and how well we get along. It’s rare in life to meet not just one person but a whole group of people who reach out and give to you as much as you would give out to them. You all know that I am here for you ALWAYS and AT ANY TIME that you need me… it was good to know I have people who would do the same for me.
Hilary, Nate, Brenda, Ashley, Jan, Rick, Stephen, Thomas, and Leigha….. I love you!
That Self Indulgent Bitch! 
I love you toooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hope I didn’t hurt your feelings by calling you a “needy bitch” lmao! o.k. I don’t really care, cuz girl, you needed to hear it! I may be gay but I am still a male! Males don’t “get” the needy thing! They cannot read your mind! Girls don’t get that at all. Quit being a girl! Be a gay man, would you????? Ha ha!
Stephen (sitting next to me right now) says your plan is a great one. He says love him and you won’t regret anything.
Can’t wait for MUUUUNDAY!!!! See you in Chat! (Thanx to Hilary G-Dog)
You did really hurt my feelings, you big drag queen! 😥 But, hey….. it takes one to know one…….. 😛 Funday Munday tomorrow!
you are very welcome, Renee! You have done some really nice things for me in the past that were above and beyond your call of duty so of course I would do the same for you. I was so happy that we got the video chatroom working finally. It was a great time that night and I could tell you felt alot better by the end. It will all work out. I know it’s hard not to be paranoid what with your past with your ex and all but your new love shouldn’t have to pay for that asshole’s mistakes, okay? just stick to the plan. I like it! 😀
Renee, you know I am here for you whenever you need a listening ear. I know you would do the same for me or anyone else in our group and have many times.
You are one of the smarter people I know and sometimes that makes you overthink situations that you really have no control over. You are in that type of situation now. You do not have control over some of the things you are paranoid about so you will have to let those go. If he crosses a line, you have no say in whether that happens or not. From what you have told us, he is a wonderful human being.
My personal opinion is that you are reading something into him that he is oblivious to commiting. Look how long it took for him to even realize he could be more than friends with you! I doubt very much that he has any feelings left for any other women in his life so you are being paranoid for no reason. Just let that go.
One of the great things about our little group is that we all lean on each other emotionally. It is very hard to find someone you can trust enough to do that in life. I also am happy that I have this group in my life. (I can’t wait to meet everyone later this month!) Everyone in our group has beautiful and loving souls. We were so lucky to have found each other. I am eternally grateful for all of you.
You’re right, Brenda….. I do overthink alot of stuff…. I try not to but that doesn’t work very well….lol! But…. you are right… I have no control over how he feels or what actions he may take in the future… I only control me…. I HATE THAT!!!! lol! Oh! And I can’t wait to see everyone either….. ONE WEEK LEFT!!!! I’m SUPER excited!
*~*~ Luv you, too, Renee! ~*~* You ROCK! ~*~*
stop being a freak and start soaking up the moment, lady. what Nate said is true: men don’t understand needy and they are really bad at reading you’re minds. –no, I’m not gay 😛 — keep you’re eyez wide open but enjoy the moment and you will be fine.
Well, Richard, who is the one being a FREAK? Hmmmm…… you have now officially agreed with Nate on 3 topics of opinion this week! But…. no…. you’re not gay at all…. LMAO! (j/k you big angry dork!)
Don’t sweat it CHICKA! That’s what friends are for RIGHT? 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀
xxxooo hugs&kisses xxxooo
Leigha Marie