Dieting sucks, man.

Posted: January 26, 2011 in Life In General

Things about weight loss that are pissing me off:

1. There are only about 2 weeks of real weight loss worthy days in a month. One week is crap because of PMSing, which causes these ridiculous cravings like you are pregnant. Then, the next week, you find out you are NOT pregnant (whew!) when AF comes to visit, but you gain 7 pounds of bloat, so then you are pissed off that you can’t even use the pregnancy story to excuse the 7 pound gain. And you are cranky. And crampy. Super.

2. That exercising actually probably would help make weight loss faster. But I hate exercising. I hate it. It doesn’t make me feel good. It makes me tired. And it takes up time I really don’t have. Really. I’m not making excuses… I really don’t have the time!

3. That in order for me, personally, to lose weight, I need to eat enough calories. I could probably eat only 800 calories a day most days. The problem with doing that is that I can actually GAIN weight when I do that! I swear to God, my body all of a sudden decides I am in Auschwitz and goes into starvation/fat saving mode. WTF! I have tons of fat to spare. Does my body not realize this? Use up *THAT* fat and *THEN* save fat… My body obviously hates me.

4. Eating 5 or 6 meals a day is just a pain in my ass. Remember my time thing? Yeah… like I have time to prepare meals 5 or 6 times a day… and if I don’t precook or preplan, I am screwed because the gas station does NOT have very many items under 250 calories. In fact, at Caseys, half of everything would be under 250 calories…. so half a donut, half a cookie, half a piece of pizza…. WHO THE HELL JUST EATS HALF? My willpower is not strong enough for that. I obviously got fat because I am a freaking weakling.

5. That my body is in control of WHERE I lose fat at. I have covered this before, but seriously…. WTMLF? Why doesn’t my body KNOW that I need to retain what little ass I have left and that my boobs are my friends!? Hasn’t it read the studies that abdominal fat causes strokes and heart attacks? And you would think my body would love to be adorned with shiny little rings and bracelets but NOOOO…. making my back fat lumpy and gross appears to be more of a priority. Once again… my body hates me.

6. That my metabolism is schizophrenic. I can lose a shit ton one week and nothing the next doing the EXACT SAME THINGS! Maybe schizophrenic is too harsh…. stubborn would be nicer… but I like to think mental illness is a good excuse for metabolic inconsistency….

7. That I really have no motivation for losing weight. I’m not a very superficial person, generally. I went years not giving a crap, not wearing make up, and being an awesome person. I tell myself that I do it to be healthier and to be hot. The reality is that I could care less about being healthier or hot. I am not one of those people who wants to live to be 100. My mom was healthy for most of her adult life and died at 54 so that didn’t work out so well. She could have been enjoying fried chicken all those years! I tell my real cynical sarcastic self that what I really want is to not have my double chin showing when I lie in my casket. Morbid? Yeah… and I guess that does make me superficial, huh?

For the 3 people who actually read my blog, and that includes you EPers, you know that this is my usual, run-of-the-mill, end of January rant that I do. I start dieting and then I complain and whine and scream and come within inches of going on an all out mass killing spree due to diet fog. I mostly post my rant for evidence of my insanity if needed at my trial for the mass killing spree. So, I am checking this off my list of things to do this month now. Awesome.

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Comments
  1. Nate says:

    EXERCISING SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just saying.

  2. Leigha Marie says:

    You need to repost this at EP or post the link to your blog there. This is hilarious! If its any consolation, my body hates me to! I lost 3 lbs last week and gained 1 back this week! Shit!

  3. Hilary says:

    Ha! Ain’t this the truth! As far as bloat is concerned, the up side is that you usually lose the 7 pounds the next week right off the bat. It’s kinda like giving birth to a baby without the labor and bills. (See? I am learning from you! Always look at the good side! LOL!) Now if my body would just cooperate and help me lose weight in my thighs instead of my hips, I would be very thankful but my body wants to be a stick boy. :/

  4. Brenda says:

    Once I turned 40, my metabolism took a serious dive. I now have to exercise like a mad woman to keep the weight off of me. I am not a fan of exercise but I have come to see it as a necessary evil in life.

    I am also in the need to eat enough calories camp. I find that when I don’t pay attention and not eat enough then I will start gaining a little. That can certainly be a little frustrating. I don’t like having to focus on eating and food so much and I am a pretty busy woman. I would rather make time to exercise than eat, but it doesn’t really work that way. Food is much more important than exercise when you are trying to lose weight. Remember that.

    Bren

    • Renee says:

      Brenda…. my metabolism took at dive when I turned 22….. πŸ˜† and I am a little sick of obsessing about food right now, too…. but I think I am getting into a groove on it…. now if AF would just quit kicking my ass, I’d be good! πŸ˜†

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