Disappointment. :(

Posted: February 12, 2011 in Life In General

I don’t even know where to start. Y’all know how excited I was about Friday night. I was like giddy school girl excited about this whole driving into the city for the play thing. Ugh! I am an idiot. OR… he is a freaking idiot. Either way, I lost big time. I am so disappointed and annoyed beyond belief.

So I spent all Friday morning tracking down clothing and shoes to wear. I had to actually alter the jacket I wore. I have so many really great dress clothes… that are all 2 sizes too big…. so I had to accomodate with sewing. Which I suck at. But I did it. It took me an hour to do.

I got to Andy’s and had to hand clean my dress coat because it was covered in dust from being in a storage closet for the last 2 years… Okay, that was another 45 minutes of tediousness. I decided that I should go take a quick nap before Andy and I left for Madison. I assumed that we would try to catch something to eat before or after the play so I didn’t eat. The last time I ate was at 7am.

When we wake up late from the nap, I mention to Andy something about not having enough time to get anything to eat, Andy says to me: “Well, *I* am not eating anything. I already had (insert big ass fattening meal here) so I’m not eating again.” Hmmm…. okaaaaay…. well, thanks for 1. thinking of me, and 2. letting me know that we wouldn’t be eating all damn night so I could eat something myself, and 3. making assumptions that I will just do without…. Gee. Thanks. That’s super.

I can’t tell you how livid I was inside. Really. I didn’t freak out or anything. I kept my anger under control and quiet. But inside, I was steaming ass mad at the inconsideration he was showing….

So, I get up. It’s after 4pm. We have to leave about 5pm. I have to dress, do my hair, do my make up, AND now fix myself a meal. It’s Friday night and most of you know how giddy and energentic I am about Friday nights in general anyway…. it’s the best day of the week as far as I am concerned… Anyway, so I made myself a beautiful potion of Chicken breast with sauteed garlic Zucchini rounds and a balsamic wine mustard sauce. šŸ˜‰ We didn’t leave until 5:15 and I forgot my cell phone and my cash money since I was rushed and not prepared to deal with the extra time I needed to deal with his inconsiderate choices for US.

So we leave for Madison. It’s snowing a little out and it’s starting to get dark. The GPS was taking us on backroads to get us there in 2 hrs. The alternative route without backroads was 3 hours. So we drive. Well, he drives. And the roads are shit because of all the snow and salt and cold temperatures…. most roads were severely buckled. So it was a rough ride. šŸ˜¦

Well, here’s the thing. He bitched ALOT the whole way. Now, I admit, the roads were very bad and rough. But there is nothing that could be done about it and bitching up a storm just really killed any hope for a recovery of a bad mood. Now, I am the QUEEN of keeping my mouth shut when dealing with a bad driver. I sat silently next to Tim for YEARS as he drove recklessly. I know how to shut the hell up. But Oh. My. God! His crabby ass driving was almost unbearable! I’m sure that the bad mood I had going into the evening didn’t help…

So he bitches the entire way there. We finally get there. I started talking silently to myself. “It’s okay. You are here now and you WILL enjoy this play. You WILL forget about everything else that happened tonight and have a good time.” And I did. I mean, it was nice to be out and do something I always wanted to do and be in a big city with such cultural diversity. It was great to just people watch and take in all the sights and feel like I was a bit cultured… moreso than I ever would be in Carroll County anyway….

That’s the thing about Madison. It’s very exciting to me. More than Rockford or even Chicago most days. Madison is more of an arty place in my mind. Alot of cultural things to do, great little unknown restaurants, all sorts of different people who intermingle freely and without alot of judgements, beautiful settings and parks… I love that city! That’s one of the reasons I was so excited! I think in my mind I thought we would leave a little early, find a cute little struggling restaurant to catch a preshow bite to eat at or even just pie and coffee after, see the show, feel smart and citified….

Yeah. Well, so much for that pipe dream.

We drove home. Andy was a little too critical of the play. I enjoyed it alot but he had seen the movie a million times and kept comparing the play and it’s actors to that. The playwright, Dan Rosen, was there but Andy didn’t want to stay for that. He was very critical of the actors and really harped on their performances. I agree that they weren’t the best performances ever, but they weren’t horrible either. They just decided to play the characters somewhat differently than in the movie. That was to be expected I think. It’s community theater after all… why play a character from a movie when you can try to bring something new to the character, whether that be good or bad? I’m just saying!

We are driving home. At about 1am, he asks me if I’m getting hungry. Um. Yeah. He said that. I was STEAMING! So I FINALLY made a comment that we could have had a really nice gourmet meal in Madison. I wasn’t being a mean smart ass. It was just a statement. He says, “well, I wasn’t hungry earlier.” To which I said, “Yeah, but you didn’t even take me into consideration AT ALL!” His response? *crickets*

We stopped at the gas station. He ate Teriyaki Slim Jims and I got coffee. šŸ˜† Yum! We went home and I made myself something quick to eat. He seemed to have lost his appetite. Go figure. Then we finally went to bed.

I woke up this morning and I feel better today. I think being able to say that one last statement made me feel better, like maybe…. just maybe…. he heard me and we won’t repeat this catastrophe again. I don’t ask for much in life. We are homebodies and I like that about us. My ex-husband loathed me for being such a homebody. But it is who I am. HOWEVER…. I do LOVE the city. When I go into the city, I like to do special things… eat gourmet food I could never get in hicksville, take in some cultural things, just “be” a part of the city…. not have a schedule that says I can make no unscheduled stops… unscheduled stops are the bomb!

He says he wants to go to that theater again. Next time, I will be much more direct upfront and just say, “I want to go out to eat when we go, so plan on it.” I feel stupid and a little embarrassed that I have to spell it out like that. I feel like he should know me better and know that I like to do that. *sigh*

Anyway, like I said, the anger has now subsided. Now I am just disappointed that the night was nothing that I hoped it would be, but I am moving past it. The play was fun and for a couple of hours I got to forget who I really was and be city girl again so it wasn’t all bad I guess. All I can do now is hope that it was a one time occurance and that Andy kind of got a clue by my remark.

He has certainly seemed to be trying to make up for it today. He has been very sweet and loving and accomodating today. *sigh* I just had such high expectations for Friday night and I don’t think I should have to compromise my expectations. I did that for YEARS! And I also don’t want to lower my expectations when we go do fun stuff like that together. I guess that’s the key word that Andy isn’t used to…. “TOGETHER”. There is more than just one person in this relationship, buddy! I love him to death but my wants and needs should be considered. I know this because EVERYTHING I do takes HIM into consideration.

  1. Brenda says:

    I saw your post on EP and came right over. Honey, I am so sorry that the evening you had in your mind was not what ultimately happened for you! I hate when that happens! *HUGS*

    I am glad that you did finally get to tell him your feelings on the matter, even if it was only a one sentence statement. It made you feel better to say it, right? I’m sure the next time you make the trip to Madison, you will both have learned a bit from this experience.

    Now, all that being said, let me say this: You should never expect someone else to make you happy. You have a certain life with Andy. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want more, but I also think that when you have specific tastes that maybe your partner doesn’t share (gourmet dining, free-spirited city exploration, unscheduled stops, etc) then you may have to fulfill those gifts for yourself and not expect your partner to do them for you.

    You and I have hung out in the burbs together and you are always a whirlwind of fun to be with. I know this is because you are cooped up in your small rural area and being in the city is like having your own personal playground. That does not mean Andy will share or even want to accomodate that interest for you. I know that city excursions are great fun for you. Maybe they aren’t so fun for Andy and maybe you shouldn’t expect him to accomodate you on that.

    It’s just a thought, Renee. You don’t need Andy to go do your thing in the city. Maybe expecting him to is too much for him? Everything else you do with him is great for you, right? Don’t dwell on this one item, hon. You can do this one thing for yourself by yourself or with likeminded friends and still be in love with Andy. Give him a little slack on this one.

    Love to you,

    • Renee says:

      Thanks, Bren. You are right (as usual) and I understand that my enthusiasm for running around in the city isn’t for everyone….. and I shouldn’t expect someone to share my enthusiasm for it… *sigh*

      You know you suck because you are always right, right? šŸ˜†

  2. Ashleigh says:

    oh no! so sorry to hear that the trip to Madison was a bust! The wurst platter at the Old Fashioned is the best! Maybe next time? if you ever go again and need a dining partner, let me know! I would love to take a food tour with you in Madison! it’s a great city! we don’t need no stinking men! lol!

  3. Nate says:

    First of all, I saw the post at EP, beeotch. This is NOT your fault. He was being inconsiderate and that is NOT your fault so shut your mouth!

    I get what Brenda is trying to say. No one can make you happy. Only you make yourself happy. Don’t wait for him to make you happy and then be all let down when he doesn’t. I get it. But — lol —

    I would have been screaming crying hysterical if that had happened to me. I’m an emotional train wreck when things like that happen to me. I would have been throwing stuff at walls and having a panic attack! LMAO!

    You were waaaaay restrained, girl! Were you sick or something? That isn’t like you to hold so much in. Well, it’s not like you you now you — I believe that was old you — please don’t revert back to old self-preservation tactics that you used with the ex. You shouldn’t have to do that, girl.

    I’m glad you are feeling better and I hope you are okay. šŸ˜¦

    Luvs U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Renee says:

      I know it isn’t my fault but I see Brenda’s point and it isn’t Andy’s fault either. And you are a way bigger baby than I am, so that is why I restrained myself. I promise I am not reverting back to my old ways. That kind of personal hell will not ever be coming back. But, sometimes, it is better to keep some things to yourself until AFTER you have calmed down and can think rationally. I’m glad I did that. It’s easier to see other perspectives (like Brenda’s) and use those for myself. If I had blown up at the time, I would not have had the chance to consider the other side that Brenda described. I’m good.

  4. rick says:

    it wasn’t inconsideration. it’s just how males think. don’t be hating on him too much for it. all men do stupid shit like that without thinking. he’s not used to having to think about someone else. give the dude a break, would ya?!

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