It just occured to me that I am leaving for Italy in about 6 weeks or so. 😯 I’m pretty sure I should “plan” for this and I have done nothing. I know nothing. I am sheltered.

1. Do I need shots? Can I get malaria in Italy? How will they know I didn’t have shots? Do I have to carry my shot records with me like when I was in grade school and changing schools every 2 years? HOW WILL THEY KNOW? Can I maybe fake them out because I am totally broke and don’t want to buy shots… unless they are the fun kind, like Hot Sex… I have money for THAT.

2. How big of a suitcase can I get away with? I mean, I’m going to be gone for 2 weeks. I’m a big girl. My clothes take up space… and shoes! I need at least 5 pairs of shoes MINIMUM… those are kinda bulky.

3. Will Homeland Security confinscate (well, that doesn’t look spelled right… 😐 ) all my shampoo and conditioner? I NEED shampoo and conditioner… Have you seen how much hair is on my head? Someone suggested dry shampoo. I won’t do that because it seems un-American… because it’s foreign… probably French in fact…

4. I need a new wardrobe so I don’t have wrinkles in all my shit. And so I can wad up a shirt into a tiny ball in my suitcase and miraculously pop it on and I look amazing… and I can’t wear sleeveless shirts because my arms are gross and I’m pretty sure the Italians will deport me if they see them… so a new wardrobe with sleeves that is wrinkle free… I need this. Yet, I’m broke. 😦

5. Can I take my laptop? Will I have internet access? Two weeks is way too long to go without accessing the internet for Pete’s sake! If I take my laptop, will it be confinscated (there it is AGAIN.) by customs for harboring spy secrets like 1001 Quiche recipes or 27 Diets that are dangerous but I should try. That’s sacred stuff right there!

6. What about my phone? Can I use my phone there? Probably not… my dad gets an international sim card… so I may be able to use his… but I don’t want to have to ask MY DAD if I can call my boyfriend. I’m not 15 again. Oh hell to the no!

7. Can I take canollis out of the country legally? Can I? I want to… I might need to… What is the punishment for illegally smuggling canollis? Am I even spelling that right? Are Italian prisons really bad or are they like staffed with really amazing looking Italian prison guards who constantly are trying to get into my prison striped pajamas? Because it might be worth the risk if that’s the case…

I really need to call my dad and get these details worked out. I’m always waiting until the last minute… *sigh*

  1. Nate says:


    It’s *confiscate*

    Polyester NEVER wrinkles, dear! So break out that lime green 70’s get up!!!!!!!!!

  2. Sarah & Al says:

    Al always teases me but I am a kitchen sink traveler. I haven’t traveled out of the US in many years, though. When I went to Spain in 1990, I took the usual stuff but I also took my mom’s ashes. My friends made fun of me but there was no way I was going to die in a plane crash without her! LOL!

    Make sure your luggage has a lock on it! I’m not sure what size you can use. I think it is dependent on the airline you take now. Shampoo and conditioner should be fine in your luggage but don’t try to carry that on. Oh, and use ziplock baggies! For the shampoo, not the cannolis! LMAO!


    • Renee says:

      Good ideas! Well… except for the ashes… I have my mom’s ashes… but I’m *not* taking them with me… I would be afraid they would be CONFINSCATED (lmao) by customs…

  3. Thomas says:

    I know you are really hoping that Italian priisons are like porn movies but I don’t think they are.

  4. Amber says:

    I hope you can take canollis home. I LOVE those things.

  5. Check your airline regulations. You have to pay per bag and they can’t weigh over 70lbs or exceed a certain size. You’ll be fine if you check your shampoo/conditioner but I advise putting them in a box because they’ll get crushed when the luggage is tossed onto each other and it’ll get everywhere. You can’t carry more than 4oz on board. If you want to fit a ton of stuff, roll it. You’ll be able to jam way more in. I’m a flight attendant lol.

    • Renee says:

      Oh my gosh, Julie! Thank you for telling me this! How in the HELL am I going to get my suitcase to weigh less than 70 pounds? Shitballs. Great tip on the shampoo and conditioner and the “rolling”! Will definitely take your advice since you are an EXPERT! 😀

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