Day TWO of no cigarettes! And not even ONE cheat! But it hasn’t been easy… Holy shit! And I have ate like 3 pounds of hummus and about 500 celery sticks in the last 2 days, trying to eat low cal but still keeping myself busy!

It’s really a miracle that I got through today without a cigarette really. Today, James decided I was a stupid person and too old to be anything and that he hates my boyfriend and doesn’t want him to be a part of the family. That is all because he says Andy has never spoken to him or initiated a conversation with him. 🙄

So James is flipping out on me. I need a fucking cigarette. My hormones are all 15 year old girl like and I have to deal with a 6 year old boy. So what do I do instead of sticking up for myself? I start crying and call Chelsea… 😆

The one thing about me and Chelsea… we fight like cats and dogs but we ALWAYS have each other’s backs. ALWAYS. And today was no exception. She immediately made me feel better and made me smile. I know I do the same for her sometimes but I think we make a good team despite our differences in opinion. I love her!

And she had really nothing bad to say about Andy. In fact, she said she liked him. He is quiet but she’s okay with that. Her only complaint was that he hid his Facebook wall from her, which she kind of took personally because she thinks he “banned” her and only her. I don’t know if he did that or not. Maybe he did… I mean, she’s my kid… maybe he didn’t want her to see all the geeky stuff he puts on his Facebook or something… 🙄

So, thanks to Chelsea’s kind and loving intervention, I was able to weather the storm without running over to Caseys and buying a carton of cigarettes and smoking it all TODAY! I am grateful for that. I am grateful for her. And I’m not playing favorites here. She acts more mature and is more grateful for what I give her than James ever is. That counts for something in my book and it’s not favoritism as James LOVES to imply.

After it all was over and I had time to think about what went down, I really feel like I am done with this selfish 12 year boy bull shit. Really. James really could care less about me. He wants his life to remain the same (crappy) and he doesn’t care if I am paying every cent I have out of my own pocket so that he can do absolutely nothing but be a mooching bum. He doesn’t want me to live my life in any way. He doesn’t care if I am happy or not, as long as he gets to “survive” and “subsist”. 😡

WHO WANTS THAT? Who wants to just get by in life? Especially when they are 22 years old? Whose kid is this? Neither me nor his father were EVER that way when we were 22! I don’t ever remember being a lazy ass moocher when I was young. Tim and I worked our ASSES off every single day to remain financially independent and living on our own. I don’t remember EVER mooching off ANYONE! Our parents never allowed themselves to help us and would turn us down if we asked. so we didn’t. WHOSE KID IS THIS???

I’ve had it. I just could not care less right now. He has all sorts of shit that needs to be done and I have been managing that crap for him. My utilities have been through the roof. He bitches constantly because I can’t afford food for him and all his loser friends yet I pay for EVERYTHING at home. Screw this! No more. I think he needs a dose of his own sweet loving kindness… what comes around goes around…

I’m not helping him anymore. He really hurt my feelings today and now I realize that he thinks every single decision I make about my own life should involve and take his feelings into account. He’s 22 years old. He’s an adult. He shouldn’t even be near me! Hell, I should only be hearing from him like once a month! Like Chelsea! Or Cory! I’m done raising his ass! He needs to grow up and move on. If he hasn’t taken my advice and guidance so far, he’s never going to so I’m done trying. And the first chance I get to get him out of my house permanently, I am taking it. His blatant disregard for my feelings today show me exactly the person he is… and I am ashamed of him…

That’s sad, huh? *sigh* I’m just done. He really is the most selfish person I know. How did that happen? Chelsea is the exact opposite of him… I just don’t get it…

Okay. Sorry to be venting this all here. I know it isn’t entertaining or funny. I just am a little overwhelmed.

I got results from my hormone test today. All my numbers looked good, but they still need to check them every 48 hours before I go to Italy. That’s alot of running when gas is so high! My glucose quick test did not go so great… I have to go in for the 3 hour glucose test Saturday morning… 😦 I just don’t get it. I have always had great blood pressure and glucose and blood cells and everything! Even when I was close to 300 pounds! Now, I weigh way less and eat 1000x better and I fail the glucose test? WTF? So Saturday should be loads of fun. 🙄

Okay, well, I am going to quit being a naggy old hag and reel it in for the night. Almost time to wake my sweetheart up for work and send him on his way. Hope everyone’s week is going okay! Love ya!

  1. Nate says:

    CALM THE F*CK DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No wonder your hormones are all wacky!!!!!

    And quit letting an immature little boy hurt your feelings. That’s not the Renee that I know. He’s obviously only thinking of himself. Boys do that. Someday, he will become a man. Until then, you don’t have to accomodate his immaturity just because he’s your son.

    I know Bren is going to say different and use his bipolar as an excuse. 🙄 I don’t care what he is afflicted with!!!!! There is NOOOO excuse for treating your mother like crap!!!

    Sorry, babe, but STICK UP FOR YOURSELF!!! YOU ARE A QUEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. rick says:

    hey i know a guy who knows a guy who is related to a guy who can take care of that fer ya

  3. Sarah & Al says:

    Wow. Just catching up with you, hon. Alot going on these last few days?

    Kids say the stupidest things to their parents. You know that. Don’t take it too personally. I’m sure he didn’t mean it.

    You are right that you may need to start refusing to be treated badly, though. Sometimes you just have to demand respect. And Karma or what comes around goes around is a real life lesson he may need to really learn!

    Hope you feel better! And yay for Chelsea for coming to your aid! You have built a strong woman there!


  4. Brenda says:

    Oh my. Well, I was hoping to come see how well things had gotten better for you! I guess things are a little worse.

    Is James just worried about something else and taking it out on you? He has had alot of bad things happen to him lately… Since he is unmedicated, he will definitely continue to be selfish in many, many ways. That is a known trait of most unmedicated bipolars, as you well know, dear. I doubt there is much you can do about it.

    If you choose to show him his “karma”. I doubt that he will understand that. I’m sure he doesn’t get that you think he’s selfish. He probably sees it as self-preservation. I may just be grasping at straws here, though, since I’m not sure what you were fighting about.

    It sounds like Chelsea really stepped up to the plate for you! That’s a lovely show of maturity on her part! For all the times James says you are bad at somethinmg, Chelsea just proves that it’s the bipolar talking because she always does something very loving for you whenever you need it most.

    So don’t fret, Renee. You are doing the best you can. That’s all every parent can do. Sometimes we fail miserably and sometimes we are superstars! 😉

    How did the glucose testing go? Maybe you are developing Type 2 diabetes? I know that seems illogical given the amount of weight you have lost but sometimes it isn’t weight but age and heredity that is the factor. Didn’t your grandfather have diabetes late in life? On a side note, hummus and celery do the body good! 😀


    • Renee says:

      I am to the point now, Bren, that his “unmedicated” excuse is wearing thin. That to me is a choice he is making. His father has offered to pay the meds. He has chosen not to take them. So his bad behavior is by choice to me.

      I mean, how long to I give him a pass because he has bipolar? I have given everything I have to the kid. Hell, I maintain a whole household just so he and the damn dog have a place warm to sleep. And all I get from it is smart ass remarks, yelling, degradation, and selfishness. I’m tired now, Bren. I don’t want to do this anymore. I get no help or support from his father on it. I’m sure he’s just glad he doesn’t have to deal with it… 🙄

      At the end of the day, my life is changing… for the better. Chelsea is ecstatic about that. James is pissed off. He doesn’t want his own little world to change. And it’s going to. So now he is going to be pissed off about it instead of embracing it, like Chels has chosen to do. That is a conscious choice on his part. The problem he doesn’t understand is that his shitty attitude isn’t going to stop this train if it continues down the track. Only God can stop it so James’ game plan is screwed if he doesn’t start being a team player. Because I have had enough! 😡

      *sigh* Sorry, Bren… I’m still upset about it all and it’s been DAYS!

  5. Hilary says:

    Don’t be sad, hunnie! He’s just being MALE! 😡

    Glad your daughter made you feel better. It’s tough when you are always the one taking care of people. Sometimes, you just have to let people take care of you. 😉

    How did the GTT go? I noticed you haven’t posted to fitday for a week or two. What’s up?

    • Renee says:

      Oh, the GTT was a nightmare 3 stooges act and I ultimately fasted for no reason because I couldn’t get it done. So now I won’t be able to get it done until I return from Italy. That’s fine, though, because there is no way I could be on a special diet and go to Italy! Hell, I already gave up wine. My dad might really kill me if I couldn’t eat pasta! 😆

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