Excuse the french.

WARNING: Not appropriate for small children, your chintzy dog, or your fragile grandma with the heart condition. Oh! Also not appropriate for anyone considering going to HEAVEN… you may even feel dirty after this fucking blog post…

I have been crying for two fucking hours now. Here are my issues in order of importance… right here, right now, right this minute… but they could change in a split second:

1. My muther f’ing boyfriend OBVIOUSLY does not miss me in ANY WAY WHATSOEVER! I haven’t heard from him in 5+ days now. Fuck, I have heard from co-workers more than him.

2. The sound of my father’s voice is like nails on a chalkboard right now… I am ready to massacre him NOW.

3. I haven’t slept in 3 fucking days due to hormone induced insomnia.

4. I have walked 57 miles in the last 3 days… 40 of those miles were fucking uphill on real cobblestone roads which tear the shit out of the bottom of your feet regardless of the shoe type.

5. I have had no cigarettes and very little caffeine for the last 5-6 days. I have had no nicotine patches for the last 2 days.

6. I have not been able to swear for 6 GOD DAMN DAYS because I am with like fucking 1950’s Leave It To Beaver people!!! (And if you don’t know what Leave It To Beaver is… FUCK OFF AND GET OFF MY BLOG!)

7. I am SICK of being the fucking buffer and referee for these two assholes I am traveling with! Next time, I am only traveling with women. I swear.

8. I am a fat, ugly, gassy, bloated, raging mad, lunatic pig right now! I wish I could throw myself off a cliff but my fucking calves hurt so damn bad that I can’t make it up the fucking hill to get to the mother fucking cliff!!!! FUCK!!!!

9. I need a fucking glass of wine…. or make that a bottle! Shit. I would settle for a plain old 2 liter of CAFFEINATED Diet Pepsi… but Nooooo…. can’t have that… can’t have this… can’t do that… can’t do this… FML!!!

10. I NEED A GOD DAMN MOTHER FUCKING CIGARETTE!

I seriously am losing it. I am trying to enjoy this trip. I really am. I have been telling myself all damn day how fucking lucky I am to be here and to just suck it up already. I have felt like crying ALL DAY. These stupid assholes are stressing me the fuck out and my boyfriend who supposedly loves me hasn’t even tried to say anything to me at all… the one person who I am supposed to be able to count on and where the hell is he??? Not worrying about me, I can tell you that much… He probably barely notices I’m gone… FUCK!!!

I know this is just wacky fucking hormones and major stress but I don’t need this right now. It’s not healthy to be this weirded out and stressed. I am all fucking itchy and a couple of hives started appearing today until I finally just went to my bedroom and shut the door so I didn’t have to think anymore. They finally went away but I feel like they are just crawling under my skin ready to pop up at any moment.

Why the fuck do I always have to count on myself? I have not been able to rely on anyone to take care of ME since I was a teenager… I have ALWAYS had to be the responsible one, the one taking care of everything… I can never count on ANYONE to take care of ME… I’m fucking losing it today because I don’t want this responsibility. This is a temper tantrum, huh? Fuck. I need to get my shit together. I am just so fucking down.

You know… maybe if I had seen a little message from my fucking boyfriend just saying, “hey. hope you are having a good time. I really miss you. I love you.” SOMETHING! it might have helped… but fuck no… because he doesn’t think about me like that… never more apparent than right now. And I don’t want to see any fucking comments about how he’s just clueless and doesn’t understand. Blah, blah, blah. No one is sticking up for him right now. I don’t want to hear that shit right now. I don’t care if I am being unreasonable or if he is just the stupidest boyfriend alive. In fact, I am closing this post to comments because even if I am wrong, I don’t fucking care because TODAY I AM FUCKING RIGHT! PERIOD! Kiss my mother loving ass!

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