Well… that was awkward… :/

Posted: August 22, 2011 in Awkward, It is What it is., Laying Low, Sucking It Up

Just ran into my ex-BFF at the gas station.

I always imagined how this would go and it always ended with me curled up in the fetal position on my bathroom floor with a gallon of ice cream.

😯

That totally isn’t the way that it went down. Thank goodness.

I saw her car before I walked out of Casey’s but I was just like “whatever” in my head. I left Casey’s and started my walk home and she gets out of her car and said “Hey!” I just swung around and looked at her. She said, “I hear congratulations are in order.” I said “yeah” but kinda kept moving… She’s like “well, I’m happy for you!” (In my head was “*cough*bullshit*cough*”) And I just said, “Thank you” and continued on my way.

I kept moving and never stopped which she probably thought was fear or me just being a bitch. I really wasn’t trying to be a bitch and I wasn’t really scared. Okay 🙄 , I was scared but not of her… I was scared because I didn’t know what my reaction was going to be or how far she was going to take the conversation and I didn’t want to have any conversation with her in a gas station parking lot, ya know?

It was quick and painless and I am NOT on the floor eating ice cream. (Dammit! All this ice cream talks makes me want ice cream!)

I’m sure she was just saying something to me to see how I would react. Or maybe she was being sincere. I don’t know. I know if I was her, I would have went over and hugged her. I’m glad she’s herself, though. I wouldn’t want her to do something she doesn’t truly feel. Actions speak louder than words.

It’s all so bittersweet. We had talked about and I had even asked her to help me raise any future children I might have. Hell, I never imagined even growing old without her. We seemed THAT compatible and THAT close at one time. She was closer than even a sister would be to me. Seems like eons ago now. 😦

It’s very sad that it all came to this, but there’s nothing I can do. If she’s okay with seeing me on the street and just being able to say something polite and move on, I guess I have to be okay with that, too, huh?

I’m not crying and I’m not angry. I’m not anything. It happened. I am glad it’s out of the way as it was probably bound to happen sooner or later. It makes me feel a little better since it’s one of those awkward situations you know will happen someday and now I can mark it off the list. 😐

It is what it is.

(and here comes the rant from Nate…. wait for it… wait for it….)

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Comments
  1. OMG STFUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Why aren’t you answering your phone, hobag?????? Cuz you know what I’m gunna say. THAT’S WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    You APOLOGIZED TO HER!!!!!

    She DID NOT accept the apology!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    She ended up telling YOU to FUCK OFF and repeatedly swearing at you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    SHE deleted and blocked YOU ——- FROM HER LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! not just facebook, girl, HER LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    There is nothing bittersweet about all this. SHE CHOSE TO DUMP YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Of course she isn’t going to hug you!!!! Are you fucking insane?????????????

    ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!!!!!! No shit, Sherlock. She didn’t hug you because the only person she was thinking about when she stopped you IN A GAS STATION PARKING LOT FOR FUCK’S SAKE was herself. I’m sure she thinks she’s the bigger person now just for making that little insignificant comment to you.

    True friends don’t do that shit. If she really felt that close to you, she would have tried to make up with you long ago. IT’S HER LOSS, BABE!!!!! You are the most fiercely loyal friend I have. YOU ARE RARE!!!!!!!!!!! She doesn’t deserve you.

    QUIT BEING A FUCKING PATHETIC BITCH AND PICK UP YOUR DAMN PHONE SO I CAN YELL AT YOU IN PERSON

  2. Wanda says:

    I have a love hate realtionship with my best friend. If we weren’t talking at the moment – happens all the time with us lol – and she became pregnant, I would be running to her house to congratulate her. She’s my best friend since 6th grade. We are both 28 now. I would never let that dumb slut get away with having a baby without me. I don’t care what kind of fight we got into. I just wouldn’t.

    • Renee says:

      😆 I totally agree, Wanda! I felt the same way about this woman. Unfortunately, since she is the one who permanently ended everything, I feel it would not be my place to force myself back into her life. And she obviously does not feel any need to have me in hers. Sometimes, you just got to let it go and move on, especially when the other person doesn’t feel the same way about you as you did them. But it’s all good.

  3. sarah & al says:

    GOOD FOR YOU!

    Very proud of you, lady! You are right. It is what it is. I would err on the side that she was being sincere in her statement to you, but you are right. It was just a polite gesture you would give to an acquaintance on the street. Nothing more.

    Now, I say go eat ice cream! 🙂

  4. Brenda says:

    Well, Nathan is being a bit harsh today, now isn’t he?

    I agree with him but on a much calmer level. 😉

    Look, hon, I understand your grief and pain over the loss of this relationship, but Nate said it. She ended it all with you when she cut you completely out of her life. That was her choice and she has followed it up with actions that are undeniable. I know that makes you sad sometimes and I would think that is very natural considering how deeply you felt about her.

    It’s almost worse than a boyfriend breaking up with you because women who do allow another woman to become close to them have a much greater bond than with men. It’s a uniqueness that many men will never know the depth of.

    I understand just how bittersweet this is for you. Maybe this was the final step you needed to put that nail in the coffin so to speak. It happened and now you can finally move on as it was the last fear you had in moving forward in your life without her. I feel your pain that it didn’t resolve itself the way you had hoped.

    As you said, you are a different person than her. She made her choices just as you have had to make yours. It’s done now.

    Look forward to this beautiful baby you are bringing into this world. You still have many, many friends who love you both here and in real life. You have traveled many new roads in the last couple of years. You are a wonderful woman. Embrace the goodness that is in you and give it to those who actually appreciate it and are grateful for it. It will all come back to you. I promise, dear.

    Bren

    • Renee says:

      Ahhh. The voice of clarity and reason! 😉 Thank you so much for saying all this. You are so right. I have such a great group of awesome friends now that are so supportive of me. I just miss her sometimes, you know? 😦

      But, the more time passes, the more okay with the break I am. And I am a good person. And the people I share my life with now really appreciate it and actually tell me that.

      It’s funny because on Sunday, I had two of my IRL friends tell me how much they love me and wish they could see me more. To my ex-bff, I was just a nuisance. So that tells me so much about my current friends and I really am so very grateful for all of them, yourself included.

      Love you, Bren!

  5. I’m not being harsh. I just want her to snap out of this and quit worrying about this person. I luv Renee. She was the one who motivated me to snap the fuck out of the funk I was in when I lost Derrick. She did not let me dwell on that shit. LOOOOK WHERE I AM NOW!!!!!!!!! That chick makes me so angry cuz I would kill women and children to have a IRL BFF like Renee to talk to and see and have my back every day. Life is hard and it seems like no one in this world knows what loyalty and true friendship is, INCLUDING HER!!!!!!!!!! It makes me so upset to see when Renee is upset over such a hateful person. You remember the messages, Brenda. I know you do. Renee didn’t deserve all THAT. YOU DON’T TREAT REAL FRIENDS THAT WAY!!!!!!!!! I’m not trying to be harsh. I just wish Renee would quit beating herself up over someone who doesn’t give a shit about anyone but herself. Renee, YOU DESERVE SO MUCH MORE IN LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!! So snap the FUUUCK outta this!!!!!!!!!

    • Renee says:

      Nate,

      I feel you. I love you. You are right. You don’t have to “snap” me out of anything. I agree with what you are saying, love. I do. Thank you for being such an awesome elaborately gay friend. You know I always have your back and I know you always have mine. I love you. Immensely.

      Renee

  6. Hilary says:

    I’m gone for one weekend and Nate takes a flying leap off the deep end! 🙄 😆

    Reel it in, buddy!!!! You know I love you, naters, but quit being a big flabby vagina! 😛

    I think it’s perfectly normal to miss your ex-best friend when you are going through important milestones in life. I really missed my ex-best friend when I graduated from school and we had parted ways 3 years before! We had always talked about taking a trip to Vegas after we graduated but we didn’t. It made me sad even though I had moved on. It’s just one of those things.

    It is what it is. (Good words!) 🙂

    • Renee says:

      Thank you, Hil, for that validation. I do miss her and now I know that I always will. It is what it is. 😉

      Hope your trip was productive and you got that “thing” done that we discussed. Message me on EP and let me know how it all went down.

      Much love to you, Hil.

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