Hey ya’ll. Still down. Still 41. And still ginormously pregnant.

Happy Monday. šŸ˜

My car is still shot but I think I am going to go ahead and fix it. If I were to buy a car for what it will cost me to get this one fixed, it won’t have a new transmission and it will have way over the 80k in miles I have on this one… *sigh* šŸ™„ I’ll be flat ass broke when all is said and done, but I’m fixing it.

My friend turned me down on the free housing I was offering… she’s unemployed and will soon be homeless but since I won’t let her bring her 3 dogs, she won’t do it… so…. hmmm.

I have other ideas but they seem more and more inappropriate the more I think about them. I just feel like if I am going to have to let someone live there for free then it should be someone who could use the break right now. I know of possibly two people… but both would be “awkward”. One would be one of my ex-brothers in law… he has a pregnant girlfriend now and he works a couple of blocks away. He was living with his parents still (and he’s like 30 šŸ™„ ) but he may have moved in with her and her parents…

Anyway, I thought of contacting him and asking him. But… I don’t want to put him in the weird position of telling Tim he is living with his ex-wife that he hates… ya know? AWKWARD! I think the guy could really probably use the break but I imagine he would turn me down anyway…

The other person is too risky because I don’t know if she even knows what she is doing with her life and if she plans to stay in the area. All I know is she is pregnant with a toddler and single and living in a tiny apartment. She is also risky because then I would open myself up to regular possible contact with an ex-friend and I don’t want that. I think the girl could use the financial relief and space while she takes time to have a baby and decide how she wants to conduct her life but I think she would bail on me anyway and move out of state… so I guess that’s all for the best…

It does look like Zach won’t be leaving for the whole winter now so that is somewhat a relief. He is pretty good about doing things I ask without complaining or procrastinating and that’s a change! He is still an unreliable young adult, though… I wish I had someone else more reliable that didn’t have a social life. šŸ˜† But I can somewhat trust Zach so that’s better than not having anything, ya know?

Who knew it would be so hard to give someone free housing for the winter? Sheesh!

I’m still in a depressed state but I am still functioning and staying away from sharp objects so I should be fine… eventually. šŸ™„ I know that I have been having some pain and sleep issues and that may be actually making the issue worse.

Now, I am NOT a whiner. Period. I have worked through cold sweat illnesses and endured more physical pain than I care to admit to. I know what pain is and I can usually work through it silently on my own… but this is getting to be ridiculous… I know I have said before that I don’t remember ever having this much pain with my other pregnancies but maybe that’s because I never had this kind of pain…

The EP gang knows what I’m about to whine about. They have been hearing it for a month or more now… šŸ˜† It’s my crotch! It seriously hurts so freaking bad that I can barely walk some days. I’M SERIOUS! LMAO! šŸ˜†

It sounds and looks funny when I write it but I assure you that i am NOT laughing at all most days. I am so extremely sore and I can barely move. Some days I am in so much pain that it is hard for me to talk. I don’t think this is normal… I looked it up on the internet (okay, Brenda looked it up for me šŸ˜› ) and it is apparently something that is supposed to be “normal”.

WTF does THAT mean? “Normal”. Hmmpf….

I guess the ligaments that attach your uterus to your pelvic bones start stretching as the uterus gets bigger and cause soreness and achiness… like a worn muscle would feel… Nate has suggested Ben Gay…

ARE YOU ON FUCKING CRACK??? I AM *NOT* PUTTING BEN GAY ON MY CROTCH!!! (Nate is trying to kill me I have decided.)

Anyway, it hurts… it’s not just sore or achy… it hurts. I really do try to not complain… I haven’t complained enough though about this one… The doc WILL hear about this at my next appt… if I am still living by then. šŸ˜¦

Okay… enough whining… I can’t stand myself like this… really… how pathetic can one dumbass be? šŸ™„

Plus side from my last dr appointment? Weighed myself in my boots and I had gained 2 pounds… Took them off and lost 2 pounds. Woo hoo!!! šŸ˜† And Andy was sitting right there when I did it so i have a witness, bitches! šŸ˜‰ So pregnancy to date I have only gained 10 pounds…

This would be a great thing except…

WTF IS THAT????? I HAVE ****NEW***** FUCKING STRETCH MARKS????

COME ON! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!!

I was almost 300 pounds at one time. I have more than enough excess hanging skin to accommodate an extremely large baby. I still have a little saggy pooch at the bottom of my stomach now! There is NO NEED FOR NEW STRETCH MARKS, GOD! Do you hear me???? No need!!! So not fair… šŸ˜”

This especially sucks because I have only gained 10 pounds for Pete’s sake! šŸ™„ My blood sugars have been good (until now) and I have been eating pretty carefully for the most part… so not fair. šŸ˜¦

(I know, I know! I said I would quit whining! šŸ˜† )

My blood sugars are steadily increasing so I imagine I will soon be put on insulin. I’m not sweating it. I think that the fact that I have made it through (by then) 32 weeks without the need for anything special makes me pretty kick ass… but that’s just my opinion… šŸ˜‰

My doc asked me at the last appointment if I had thought about pain management for child birth. I thought he was supposed to advise me on that kind of stuff… ā“ (If you leave it up to me, I would choose heroin…) I told him I hadn’t thought about it but narcotics and hard drugs would be fun. (Really. What do they pay him for if he’s not advising me on this stuff?)

I know I haven’t posted approved comments lately. I do read them and take all your advice to heart. Most people who take the time to post comments on my blog also know me at EP and comment on the blog copy there. I rarely get comments from people outside of EP. Maybe if I did I would approve them here more… *hint, hint* šŸ˜‰

Okay, well, I am going to try to end this post on a halfway decent good note in admitting that I know I have been a weak ass pussy these last few weeks. I know how to be honest with myself and I totally agree! I am trying to pull myself from the depths of this “thing” I am going through… I’m not psychotic yet, so that has to be worth something, right? šŸ˜Æ

PEACE!

Advertisements

Say what you mean, Mean what you say...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s