Okay, so I found my dream wedding gown. I want this gown so much it hurts… and I want to look just like the chick in the picture, too. 😉 But way better shoes…

And while I am very excited that I found the one I would love to wear and have, it is $695!!!! There is no freaking way I am spending $700 for a dress I will only wear for one day! Are you kidding me????

😥 😥 😥 😥

I am a little heartbroken. I have wasted spent my entire weekend looking all over the internet and ebay trying to find a suitable replacement to no avail. I am so desperate that I am considering making it myself if I can find a suitable pattern somewhere… and I don’t really sew… and when I do, it’s a disaster generally… 🙄

Dear Lord… I am so bummed out about this!

😦

I’m sure everyone is just like “pick another dress, whiner” but my problem is that I am so intent on not settling. My first wedding was not my ideal wedding. My budget was small at $3000 for everything. My mom picked my dress… mostly because it was cheap… but I really didn’t like it much… and the bridesmaids were very Little House On The Prairie-ish, which is so not me…

Anyway, this time I am not doing things that way. I want a wedding that I love. It may still be cheap and small but it will be what I planned for… not anyone else. So it’s important that I set the tone now for how I want to do this for myself and its not going good when I can’t find the proper dress! DAMMIT!

I haven’t even really discussed this in detail with Andrew yet. 😕 I probably should, huh? I mean, I already had a big church wedding with my first marriage… Maybe Andrew has some ideas about how he wants his first and only wedding for his life to go. 😯 Of course, chances are that he hasn’t thought about it at all and doesn’t even care but I should ask and not assume…

I also have to consider what his family may want. I think his Grandma may relish the idea of throwing this shindig in front of her extended family and getting everyone together. So I may need to wait for her to come home and get some ideas there.

Dang it… I wish i could just selfishly do it my way but I think I am going to have to compromise a little… 😦 *sigh* Well… I guess I can handle that… but only a little! 😉

*MY* ideal is still wishy washy in my brain right now…

First idea was a picnic themed wedding… Get married down at the park here in say August (only 4 months! YIKES!), small intimate setting with a small audience, then have a party in one of the pavilions down there with catered in picnic like food… or make my work harder and do individual picnic basket meals for each family of guests (so me but soooo much work!)… simple cake and ice cream… great get together for the family before the end of summer. But what if it rains? 😕

Idea #2: Get married on September 24th at the courthouse because that’s the date when he FINALLY made a move. 🙄 And then have a formal supper at a nice restaurant here in town on the 29th for a very small amount of family because otherwise it will cost me an arm and a leg…

Idea #3: Get married at the gazebo in the park sometime in August with a standing audience (it would be a quick wedding! 😆 ) and follow that with your average everyday cake and punch reception at the community house here in town (which would require quite a bit of decorating because it’s a dump…)

I really shouldn’t get married in August. That’s when I was married before and look how that turned out… 😦 but if I want an outdoor wedding then I need to do it in the summer and summer is almost here!

Oh, and I need to lose like 50 pounds… before the wedding… 😐

I know, right?

Because i want to look like the girl in the picture up there and she is probably a size 12. And my arms are grotesque so that’s why I need sleeves like that… and they make a shit ton of strapless dresses but hardly any with actual sleeves. WTF. Don’t they know that fat girls may have fat arms? DUH…

I just have way too many hang ups to even be planning this wedding… and I am dragging my feet so bad… how am I ever going to get all this done by myself????

ARRRGGHHH!!!!!!!!!

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