*POOF*

Posted: May 13, 2012 in Boys Suck!

Well, I don’t feel any better today. 😐

And he didn’t mention anything today (Saturday) either. 😐 😐 😐

So I guess I am going to just stop planning anything at this point. 😦

He said he needed time to think about what he wants so I’ll just wait for him to take the lead. But if he waits too long, he’s going to find that I won’t be willing to get married this year anymore…

Weddings take time to plan. Even small ones. If that’s what he wants… but I don’t even really know… *My* list is small for guests… maybe 25 for sures…

Anyway, you know… he really acted like I blindsided him and was pressuring him somehow… and that makes me angry. 😡 Because I so wasn’t doing that!

He’s the one who told me that he had been meaning to talk to me about what to do about getting married. He’s the one who wants to NOT get married in the courthouse. He’s the one who would like to invite every single co-worker and friend he has plus his largish family. He has OBVIOUSLY thought about this!

So I didn’t blind side him. And I wasn’t pressuring him. I was just asking… and he freaked out… and I don’t need to marry someone who is terrified to marry me and freaking the hell out.

Been there, done that. That was my first wedding… Tim had a look of horror on his face all day when I got married last time. I look back on that day now and I hate it. Not because the marriage failed miserably and not because our wedding vows meant absolutely nothing to Tim 🙄 Nope. It is because of the look on Tim’s face that day and the fact that I didn’t get anything I wanted.

This time around, I am willing to compromise but I’m not paying for everything by myself when most of the guests are his. I’m not planning this all by myself either. We are supposed to be a partnership. He’s supposed to be my teammate. Instead, it feels like he’s the scared little boy throwing a temper tantrum in the corner.

I am so frustrated and heartbroken. My picnic wedding just went *poof*! 😡

And now today is Mother’s Day.

I miss my mom. Immensely right now. 😥

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