Okay, so I have decided to try to start obsessing over something else BESIDES wedding things because my fiance has now gone silent on the matter… and that’s his choice… I’m not pushing it. If he wants to marry me, he’ll let me know I guess. 🙄 It may just be too late to plan an actual wedding by the time he decides… Why doesn’t he consider this? I wish someone would tell him that planning a wedding is not easy peasy and requires TIME! Dammit. 😡

I’m done stressing… it’s his fuck up at the end of the day… not mine…

I really don’t know what the hell is wrong with me lately. I hate to blame PMS but I don’t know what else it could be! I’m just irritated beyond belief at everything right now! 😡

I know I am super stressed about work. I have been doing my job for almost 20 years now. I am good at what I do. I love what I do. I love my clients. I love my teammates/co-workers. And I am fiercely loyal to the company I work for.

But…

When you are not being listened to and feel like you are being set up to fail and no one cares enough to fight for you, it sucks.  I can’t stand it.

I have changed my whole schedule around and incurred a daycare expense that I was not intending. I work my ass off… genuinely… I know people who say this and have cushy jobs. I actually work hard. I know my job isn’t physically taxing and there are some down times, but I am hustling and doing my best to acheive the goals set up for me by people who never do my job and never give me the right tools to do it with…

It would be nice to get some positive reinforcement and a true teammate manager behind me… because when I am good, I rock… it’s hard to stay good when you are being kicked from behind in the small of your back all the fucking time. 😦


So maybe that’s why I am so irritable…

Andy and the babysitters I have (they are teenagers, though…) keep saying, “I can’t wait for the baby to get older so he can entertain himself more…” Because, you know… he needs to be paid attention to too much apparently.

WTF. It’s a little human being! We are his only friends! Of course we have to entertain him! And it won’t matter how old he is… we will be his main source of entertainment for many years! What.are.you.saying?

Andy is constantly trying to get the kid to shut up or sleep. The babysitters expect the same. What is up with that? He isn’t a newborn anymore. He’s going to keep taking those little 20 minute naps and never getting in his beneficial 2-3 hour naps because you are CONSTANTLY trying to make him sleep during the day!

STOP IT!
PLAY WITH HIM!
HE IS NOT MEANT TO SLEEP 20 HOURS A DAY ANYMORE!
DO YOUR JOB!

Grrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😡

Like I said, I don’t know why this is irritating me so much. I have YEARS of practice of calming myself down over things I can’t control. I shouldn’t be this uptight. I wasn’t this uptight 6 months ago… 😦

I got a new blu-ray player. The one I bought 2 years ago went kaput. I bought one and it had the wrong inputs so I had to return that and get another one. Fine. Did that. I get it home and Andy hooks everything up. He wants to watch a movie. Fine.

He then tells me that he can’t get the firmware to update so we can’t get Netflix or Hulu Plus. He said he tried twice. It took him all of 5 minutes to try each time. I start worrying but can’t get to it right away.

It takes me a couple of days but I finally get in there and turn on the player. I connect to the internet. I then P-A-T-I-E-N-T-L-y wait for the firmware to update. It took maybe 8 minutes. 😯 I now have Netflix and Hulu Plus. 😐

I mean, did he even try? (Remember when he tried to set up the baby monitor? I read one line in the manual and tried it and it suddenly worked!) *sigh* It’s like he purposely didn’t even try with the blu-ray player! ARRGGHHH!

The man had a full home theater and projection screen television set up when I moved in. How did that happen if he is so inept at setting up electronics? 😯

James is still pissing me off and I am one breakdown away from completely not talking to him anymore. He sent me a text for Mother’s Day and acted like an asshole when I suggested that he get his baby momma something instead of going out drinking… God forbid…

He told me one night he was coming for supper so I cooked TWO meals (so he could take another one home) and he didn’t show up. I have lent him $70 this week alone in gas money to get to work and go to Iowa City to see his baby… and then Chelsea hit me up, too…

Excuse me, but wasn’t your father just bragging about making $45k salary PLUS commission a year at his new job? Go ask him for money! I’m freaking poor compared to that guy! 😆

And how is this for karma? While I was writing this and bitching up a storm like a huge pussy, I burnt my steak… frraaaakkkkkk! I’m outta here… cuz now I have to eat two burnt ass steaks… because *someone* barely eats my cooking when it’s NOT burnt! 🙄

 

Ugh.

I hate myself like this. 😦

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