Times have been a little tough emotionally around these parts lately so I have not been posting much. I hate to be such a Debbie Downer, ya know?

I really do want to be a positive upbeat person but I swear that everyone else in the world just wants to bitch and complain. So it’s hard to be up and all annoyingly perky when everyone else is being an asshole. Know what I mean?

My list of disappointments at this point involve almost everyone in my life EXCEPT the baby and Andy. That makes it hard because I can’t just cut all other people out of my life… and I’m just being completely honest here… It would be too lonely. 😦

1. My Dad – I love him. I really do. He has helped me immensely and he means well in everything he does… usually. But he’s currently overseas… in England… hanging out with that married woman and her family again… but mostly her. And I am disappointed. Highly. Even his own doctor said he needed to get a companion but I’m pretty sure he meant for him to get someone that lives at least in the US and isn’t married already. 🙄

2. James – He only calls me when he wants something. Period. I have learned that I should not even answer my phone because he will want something from me no matter what. It could be money or it could be just something that makes his life easier but my life hard. Either way, he could care less because all he does is TAKE, he never GIVES. And he’s 23 years old now. He will always be my first born son but I’m tired of being dragged all over emotionally. One minute he acts like my best friend and the next minute he is screaming at me and acting like I am being a total bitch. The reality is that he’s a selfish, ungrateful son who would never in a million years stick up for his own mother. That’s extremely disappointing to me because he was not raised to be that way. His sister isn’t that way… I have no idea how he turned out so callous and self absorbed. It’s baffling. 😦

3. My ex-BFF – So I made up with her for the sake of just letting things go. That’s fine. She really acted like she wanted to be good friends again. I have been extremely cautious… Thank God. The woman never answers me when I try to reach her… well, she does but it may be hours later 🙄 Then when we spend time together she feels this need to rehash all sorts of crap from the past which just pisses me off because she wants to tell me her side. I have already heard her side. She is wrong. That’s my opinion. I am entitled to my opinion. I don’t have to hear her side 10,000 times upside down and backwards. I know her side and she’s wrong. Quit bringing it up so I have to keep telling you I think you’re wrong. I’m not going to change my mind just to shut you up. No, I won’t do that. Just shut up about it. The past is the past. So maybe that’s why she blows me off. Maybe she’s just too busy with her own life to really need any friends… if so, she should just let me go…

4. Jo – My current BFF. She wants to know what’s up with me and my ex-BFF and I keep the details to a minimum. But if she asks about it, I tell her, thinking she will be reasonable and just start getting over shit. No. Instead, she gets unreasonably worked up and freaked out. My concern is that I am getting married soon. I want all my friends to attend and I want them to stay and be social. My fear is that Jo will get to my wedding and leave after 30 minutes because she is freaked out by the ex-BFF. Look, bitches, this is MY MOTHERFUCKING day! Could you ALL get over yourselves already? But no… I don’t need this stupid stress.

5. My boss – I won’t say too much here but he tried to make me quit my job and tore me down with so much negativity that I wanted to jump off a cliff in the last month. I am slowly recovering by kicking some major ass at work, but I am still beyond a point that I can stomach the man. And he continues to prove that class and courage are not in his skill set as a manager. It would be sad if it wasn’t aimed at me directly. Instead, it is just utterly disappointing.

6. My-ex – I’m not personally disappointed really but I feel that way for my daughter who has been more and more disappointed as time goes on. He has always been the way he is but I was always the buffer and my kids don’t have that now… they get what they get with him. Chelsea went to her cousin’s wedding reception to not find her father there. I guess he had attended the wedding but not the reception because he had to go to some function for his girlfriend’s terminally ill brother. Chelsea was livid because she felt like he was blowing her cousin off (who we have known since BIRTH) for some dude he has only known for a couple of years or so. Unless the brother is literally on his deathbed, I don’t see why Tim had to skip the entire reception. Plus, if I had known his ass wasn’t going to be there, maybe I would have crashed the party! 😆 I miss that family! Anyway, so then Tim told Chelsea that for her birthday weekend he would take her to the Dells. She hasn’t been since she was a kid and she was super excited. I kind of tried to tell her to be cautious. I knew she was way too excited for this to happen properly. (Remember when she wanted me to have a girl? 🙄 ) Well, ultimately, Tim cancelled that… of course… but his reason was because his girlfriend’s daughter was having a graduation party that weekend. Ouch! Way to punch your own daughter in the stomach, douche! I get it… he has a memory like an elephant but geez… fuck up much?

7. Lucky number seven is my anti-Debbie Downer disappointment… trying to break up the level of shittiness I may have infected you with 😉 So #7 is… entertainment in general. Does anyone watch the show GIRLS on HBO? Nate and I both try to find it on the web somewhere every week. It is a great show with amazing writing. The season finale is this week. I’m so sad! 😦 I also just watched Breaking Dawn, Part Two. Was the script and acting always this awful or was I just blinded by the hype in previous films? Seriously… so bad on the acting… Rodney King died. I know most people will say they saw that coming a mile away, but did anyone else see him on that one season of Celebrity Rehab? He was such a nice but misguided guy… so it’s kind of disappointing… 😦

Okay, that’s it. I’m done with this post. There’s not much I can do about these things except look away and look ahead. And that’s exactly what I am going to do. I am NOT going to put up with such bullshit anymore. If I have to cut you off from communicating with me so I can get a better outlook on life, then I will. Seriously? Why are people like this? I couldn’t stand being so negative and… and… I don’t know the word… Useless? Your disappointing attributes have made you completely USELESS in my life…

That about sums it up.




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