Been a bit since I checked in and Nate is emailing me INCESSANTLY wondering if I am dead or possibly going the crazy cat lady route so I figured… eh? I’d better check in.

catlady

What’s up!? πŸ˜€

Yep. Me, too. Work and sleep. Sleep and work. That’s what my life consists of mostly. πŸ˜†

I’m kinda boring. I guess I can see Nate’s point on the crazy cat lady business…

I’m still slaving away at work. I read some recent study that said people in the U.S. are more stressed at work than ever before. 83%! That means MOST people areΒ  super stressed! The reasons cited in the article were shitty pay and being worked like dogs (which is one of those “sayings” that doesn’t make sense. My dog lays around all damn day. She doesn’t work at all. Migrant workers would be a better word. Those people work their asses off!).

migrantworkers

Anyway, this greatly saddens me that not only myself but 83% of Americans feel so stressed and ultimately I believe that stress can sink you into unhappiness. So 83%… okay, let’s lower it and assume some of the stressed out people still like their jobs, so… 75% ofΒ  people are eventually going to plummet into unhappiness. WTF? That’s depressing. 😦

Aren’t you glad you stopped by today? Woo Hoo!

I have recently decided to completely give up on making people be a part of my family. You know, people who are SUPPOSED to actively be a part of my family. Screw it. I cannot handle having to tell someone when they should care about someone they share DNAΒ  with, when they should treat a family member better than some stranger on the street, when they should come and visit. Seriously. If you don’t know how to do that by now and you are grown ass adult, I can’t help you. πŸ™„

family4

I understand that some people just don’t have the “family” gene in them. I get that because I was born to two parents who did not have that within them. But… I somehow miraculously got that gene. It must be a mutant deformed gene because my other family members just “think” they have it but they don’t. And I’m okay with that. We have an understanding and I accept that.

That being said… even my own family members like my brother and father seem to understand the very basics of having a family they ultimately love even if they can’t be near me. My father will call me or email me if I get too busy. My brother and I only talk a few times a year but I can confidently say that we are as close as we could be considering my brother has a weird “emotional distancing” gene in his body. We always start our phone conversations like we just spoke last week. Then, we talk for hours. And, we always hang up the phone acting like we are going to talk to each other next week even though it may be months away. Just typing that out… I can feel the love for my baby bro! πŸ™‚

family2

I knew from the get go with my new husband that his feelings about family were mired in resentment and disappointment. I knew from the beginning that I wanted to never ever be that for him. Ever. What I have come to learn about him is that even though he felt that on the surface about his family he had this underlying HOPE that he would eventually prove himself wrong. That, maybe, he was wrong and he could actually rely on his family. That he could have close normal relationships with them. That his only son, who he waited years to have and even had written off as ever possibly being able to have, would be able to know the closeness and reliability of a warm loving family.

family3

The good news is that we have experienced that with some family members. The bad news is we have been greatly disappointed by others. And it is always the opposite of what you think… The family members who we shouldn’t have to rely on and count on are the best examples of family we have had and have been true blessings in our lives. The family members we thought we would have that with have been huge disappointments.

I guess I should just thank my lucky stars that we have finally come to the conclusion of that little journey. I don’t think it’s something we will give up on entirely for the sake of my son but we will definitely not be going out of our way anymore to make someone a part of our lives. Our rose colored glasses view of these people has been tarnished and we know how little we mean to them now. I’m okay with that. Andy is okay with that. It is what it is, people.

family5

Our focus now is to really embrace the family members who have made it a point to show us how much we mean to them. My older children always had a huge family to rely on and still do even when they think they don’t. My youngest son will not have that same overall feeling but I want to make sure that the family members he will rely on feel that they are appreciated and loved as much as possible.

Because that’s how you do family, folks! You love them and let them know they are loved!

family1

Family members aren’t just a stranger or acquaintance. They are your life. Some people just don’t get that. It’s either that or they just don’t give a fuck. Probably both. My son doesn’t need those people in his life. Not that they really want to be anyway so that all works out fine, eh? Their loss. Because my son is amazing. And funny as all get out!

sunglasses

So, speaking of family… update on James is that he and his baby mama have moved into their own home together. I pray to God that this works out. I worry that when they lived with her parents her family became a buffer for their fighting so James had to try to keep his cool. He wasn’t always successful I believe but it was still better than he normally would be. His bipolar tendencies have been rearing up a bit he recently told me. We had a talk about what he might want to do to head that off but there is only so much coaching you can do. He is an adult and needs to take responsibility for his condition sooner or later.

I get to watch the grandbaby every 2-3 weeks and that has been so much fun. Grandchildren are like the best thing ever. Seriously. Grandparents who do not embrace their grandchildren are really missing out. Despite his extremely rough start in life, he is almost as heavy as my youngest son and only a couple of inches shorter! Since he was a premie, he is 2-3 months behind other babies developmentally but he should catch up real soon here. He is always laughing and smiling and giving my youngest son the “concerned” look when he acts a fool. πŸ˜†

paxtonj

Chelsea is plugging away. She’s at this age where she needs me very, very little and talks to me only once a week right now. I’m fine with that. She needs time to develop herself without me griping at her all the time. She will come back my way. I am so very proud of her and I am sure that even though I am not nagging on her 24 hours a day she will continue to be the responsible person she excels at being… much to her older brother’s chagrin.

Chagrin. Who uses words like that anymore? I am such a nerd. 😯

My dad has a new woman in his life. She lives in Seattle. πŸ˜† I know! I tried setting him up with someone who lives in the next state over and he said that was way too far. He then goes and finds a woman who lives all the way across the United States! WTF?! Anyway, so he called to tell me… that’s when you know he’s getting serious… he will tell me. I called my little brother first and he warned me that the woman looks just like my mom. Truth. But, hey… it is what it is…

She has a lovely facebook and seems like a very nice lady. He is going to visit her in May and we will see how it goes. She is independent, financially sound, and has a great work ethic. I completely had to coach my dad to tell him not to be all weird and blow this… so I hope he didn’t think I was joking… because I wasn’t. 😐

Let’s see… what else is up? I have lost about 15 pounds in the last 6 weeks but it is a struggle. My body still hates me and bickers with me every single day. It seems like one day a week my body either gets up late or is too damn lazy to fight me so I miraculously lose three pounds overnight. Then I don’t lose an ounce for 10 days. So frustrating!

dietssuck

And don’t tell me what I’m doing wrong (Nathan). I have fluctuated my calories, added exercise, experimented with different eating times… I hate to go full on extreme low carb but I am approaching it. I have so little time to exercise since my work hours are so bad so low carbing is becoming a very lucrative option. I just hate to do that because anytime you cheat you have to take 3-5 days to get back into ketosis again. Blah!

I did get a new grill so I have been learning how to cook on it. I’m pretty bad at it so far, but I refuse to believe that just because I am a woman I can’t grill. My grade school boyfriend told me that last year and I plan on proving that little shit WRONG! You hear me, Bom! πŸ˜‰ I know you do!

Okay, well, it’s midnight. My pumpkin awaits!

PEACE!!!

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