Archive for the ‘Excuses excuses excuses’ Category

Wow. Just wow. I can’t believe it has been over a year since my last post here! Can you believe it??? I mean, I was a pretty faithful poster!

Thank you to everyone who sent me messages wondering where the hell I have been and what the fuck have I been doing? (Nate mostly on the latter.) Well, what I have been doing is living PEACEFULLY. COURAGEOUSLY. GRACIOUSLY.

Yeah. That’s my answer.

Oooooohhhhh, you nosy people need details??? Hahahahahahaha!!!!

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But, really, I know you do. That’s why you are some of my favorite people on Earth… I’m nosy like that, too.

The biggest thing I have been doing these last almost 18 months is living HAPPY!!!! You know, I started my blog originally way back in like 2007 on the good ol’ Myspace, I believe. It was started out of a bad emotional place and just escalated from there, but it was my journey through my midlife crisis. All of everyone witnessed the trainwreck that was me! All of everyone also was able to see me come out of it… and flourish… and overcome my worst enemy of all: Myself.

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Around the time of my last post, I decided that it was time to stop worrying so damn much about every single thing. I never thought of myself as a worrier but  I TOTALLY AM ! That’s why everything everyone else said or did to me or near me (or not even near me) made me so pissed… or cryie (not a word, but you know what I mean)… or sentimental… or just crazy…

I also realized that not every topic in life requires my opinion. There are some things that I should just ignore, because geez louise, they are just emotion leechers not even worthy of being noticed. (Politics would be a good example of this for me.)

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(this is where my politics lie.)

Once I put all that on the table, I felt so freaking deliriously happy! I feel like so many things emotionally have improved for me! I no longer live in my past as (what I believed to be) that stupid wife who let her cheating husband degrade her soul for twenty years to the point that she went almost insane. I’ve never felt better about myself than I do now and I even feel pretty good about that cheating EX-husband. He doesn’t know that or care and I am even okay with that! Those of you who know me, know this is a huge accomplishment for me.

My current life with my (new) husband is amazing. We are closer than ever. We are the best of friends and truly partners now. It took some time to convince the perpetual bachelor that he was truly stuck with me but he is totally IN the game now! 😉

My, now, 4 year old love child son is the absolute greatest thing that ever happened to me. It’s kind of dangerous because I have a grandma attitude due to my age and having been through the parenting gig once already. My husband has to keep me in check. I am the parent and need to act accordingly no matter how absolutely adorable and charming my son is. Ha!

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This will be me.

My grandson is doing great and has finally shed his babyfat. He’s super smart and gets spoiled everyday… not by me, but by his other family. I’m much more okay with that now. I used to be hurt by the distantness but it’s a baby momma thing and I literally have absolutely no control over that or her or anything. I’m just happy he is well loved and cared for always.

My daughter finally found someone to partner with. She’s only 23 so that could change anytime but I trust that she will weather through whatever roads she takes. She is still taking the absolute longest road to becoming a nurse that anyone has ever taken… and I have learned that there is absolutely nothing I can do about that so I will do nothing until she asks me for help. That’s super hard for me but I am doing it! Yay me!

My son still struggles with his illness, but once again, he is an adult and is making his own decisions that he must live with. There is nothing I can do about that so I have stopped worrying about it. I kind of have realized that he is probably going to struggle emotionally for the rest of his life but his choices are his own. My job is simply to be supportive and love him. I feel much better after realizing this and no longer offering advice to someone who just appeases me has really made my life so much less stressful!

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The month after my last post, I started a new business doing art and crafts for Christmas. I live in a small rural area but I was swamped with orders! That business has grown slowly but steadily. I decided that to offset the stress of being told every month that my job may not be there tomorrow I would start building a base for something that I could later grow into something more major. I have alot of competition in my area but my perfectionism makes my quality way better and I have more work ethic than all of my competitors combined! This gives me alot of stress but at the same time alot of incredible joy!

My husband’s grandmother died very recently. We had been dealing with her medical issues most of last year and into the early part of this year. Another strong female figure in my life was gone. I spent alot of time talking one on one with her in the last 4 months of her life. Even though her transition out of this life was a rocky, painful road, I have so much appreciation for knowing her and knowing how dearly I was loved by her. She didn’t have to love me so purely, but she did and I could feel it.

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My own family continues to do their own things. My brother got married without telling or inviting anyone. I was hurt at the time but then I just felt bad that he did not feel he was close enough to any of his family or friends to invite them. So… we have been spending more time together as families who love each other. My father and his new wife are still distant in my life and will remain that way. He calls once every two months or so, probably because his wife suggests it, but I’m okay with that. I am not responsible for how he thinks of me. New concept. LOL

My father-in-law is still a little distant but closer than he used to be, I guess. Family trauma will sometimes bring people a little closer. His sister was here for a couple of months when we were taking care of and saying good bye to his mother. She’s a strong woman who demands certain involvement so I think everyone is always closer when she’s around… she’ll kick your ass if you aren’t… literally. She’s my favorite woman! We have a standing phone date every Saturday afternoon.

So this is what I have been doing and where the hell I have been! Loving my family for who they want to be. Living each day with joy and having gratitude for my long journey that got me here. Making conscious decisions to suck it up and not worry about crap I cannot control. Working towards building a future… even as I hurtle towards being 50 years old… YIKES!

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For anyone wanting to check out my business (and buy some stuff), please visit my Facebook page at: http://www.facebook.com/kathryndesignsartdecormore

What’s next for me is I am thinking of starting a whole new blog… less emotional… more fun… much more joyfulness. I’ll post here if and when I decide to launch that. Sound boring? It’s not. You can jump on the happy train and quit judging me, you know?

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Don’t be this girl.

PEACE!!!

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I know that it has been a month since my last post… we had a blast of cold air come our way here in the midwest and I suddenly realized…

Holy Shit! The Polar Vortex is coming!!!!

Remember last winter? Well, it’s on it’s way back around. And, all of a sudden, I feel the need to be out and about and EFF sitting around blogging! I have all winter to do that! So here’s what I have been up to instead:

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I have just been hanging out with family and dealing with work stress and PAINTING! It’s my new passion right now, which I kind of just fell into accidentally. I bought one of those Silhouette machines to make a huge painting for my daughter for Christmas. I needed the machine to cut stencils and then I was going to paint over the stencils…

So I started researching some basic painting techniques and discovered Michael “Mix” Lang on Youtube. Oh. My. Word. Seriously inspirational. I guarantee that if you have even a teensy bit of creativity n your soul then Mix Lang will make you want to start painting NOW. His work is amazing. So, I have been spending my nights watching Mix Lang videos and learning paint techniques.

As far as my eating plan has gone, I will be completely honest… I have totally fallen off track. I used to be really kicking myself for this, but now, I’m kind of like, “That’s Life!” It will be okay.

The problems started when I had several “events” — a Suicide Awareness spaghetti supper, my anniversary, and a family vacation with my brother for his birthday… Since we decided to start doing stuff on the weekends, I have had very limited time to cook, which is EXTREMELY difficult when you are trying to do Low Carb because you really have to be committed to cooking hardcore from scratch for at least one day a week.

No worries, though… I think I am going to switch to low calorie for a month until it gets really cold and then switch to low carb for the next month. Switching it up and giving myself that leeway and variety will hopefully get me back on track. You have to be willing to roll with the punches in life. And I have decided that spending time with family is super important to me. As long as I am committed to continuing to progress myself nutritionally then I am going to be okay.

I chose low calorie because it’s easier to not cook with low calorie. I can heat a can of Progresso Light soup in 3 minutes in the microwave and I need that convenience right now. Once winter sets in and I am less than enthusiastic about leaving my house, then low carb will be better. I feel better eating low carb. My joints ache from the inflammation eating grains and carbs give me.

And please don’t come at me about this. I know some of the newcomers are hardcore keto eaters. But I need to take the break for now. And do NOT think I am abandoning the plan. I so am not. It is solely a matter of convenience and time right now. I will be back on plan by November. That’s the plan, Stan.

Right now, I am just focusing on family and feeding my soul. 🙂

Personal update. Quickly.

The daughter is stumbling through single womanhood and men continually prove themselves to be pigs. She is muddling through and I am proud of her. My oldest son is suddenly taking meds but he’s pissed about the cost… which is half of what I used to have to pay for him to have meds. I’m just ecstatic that he’s trying. My youngest son is ALL BOY and giving me a run for my money. He reminds me everyday just how freaking old I am when I try to get my weak ankles to run after him every day. My father and stepmother (well, that felt weird) came in for my brother’s birthday. I still feel pretty distant from him but I think I’m coming to accept that more and more. On the flip side of that, my father-in-law has become more of a presence in my youngest son’s life. This makes my husband very happy, and when he’s happy, I am happy.

That’s the short and sweet version. I will leave out the turmoil for some other time. Right now, I am calm and at peace… thanks to the new painting hobby, I am sure.

Talk to you later, peeps!

PEACE!!!

I should really start doing video blogs because I am just so lazy these days.

Actually… I’m stressed. And tired… and lazy… 😆

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So here’s the 4-1-1 on moi:

1. Working like a DOG!

Seriously. I am working as efficiently as I can. And I am still failing by my company’s standards. I swear that they are setting me up to fail. I am super efficient. Super trained. Super multi-tasking. Super smart. And Super Worthy-Of-Any-Company’s-While… but the standards that my company wants me to meet are impossible. I absolutely love my job and I am a loyal, dedicated employee… but I have a sneaky suspicion that my company is plotting against me! Just when I am feeling super confident and getting into a groove, they find something else to pile on and kick me in the ribs! It’s so frustrating! I have already warned my children to be prepared… Mama maybe be unemployed soon. 😦

2. I have resigned myself to the family I’ve got.

I spent my Thanksgiving with the family members that mean the most to me and feel the same way about me and that’s what counts. The other family members that chose to exclude themselves made that choice by themselves. They are grown ass adults. If they want to be alone in life, so be it. I’m going to quit wishing it were different. All I can do is show my son how real family is supposed to act, even when their own family doesn’t do the same. Because it’s not about that… you can only control yourself and what you do… and you only really have to live with yourself at the end of the day. I choose to live my life treating my family members in a caring way that shows them that I appreciate them, their company, and their input in my life.

3. Fuck Black Friday.

It’s dead. You know that, right? They fucking killed it! I used to love going out at the butt crack of dawn and standing in line, drinking hot cocoa, and chatting with all the other crazy ass parents in line at Toys R Us. I would shop all morning, and my girlfriends and I would finish up the day with an amazing lunch out, drinking margaritas! Loved that! Now? Well, now it all starts a week ahead of time! And, everyone is out to screw each other over. And, people will actually punch and bite to get what they want. And, my employer actually blacked out the possibility for employees to take that day off… just us peon employees… not the managers apparently… I did all my shopping online. My office currently is stacked with boxes EVERYWHERE! My husband is not a fan… because, although I call it MY office, it was actually HIS office first… 😐

4. Fuck Pre-Lit Trees!

Pre-Lit My Ass!

5. I quit smoking and turned into one of those tree hugger type people.

Okay, not quite… but I did finally stop smoking real cigarettes. Now I smoke the fake ones. On Black Friday, I was able to get a deal on a e-cigarette starter kit for like 40% off online. I figured I could try it. And it is working quite well! I never really quit smoking. I got down to maybe one every few days during my pregnancy and when I was breast feeding, but when the rental property exploded in my face this past summer, I became a full force smoking machine again. Well, my husband had a co-worker die from lung cancer and he has been telling me sad stories about it. He is not a sentimental or emotional attached person in any way so I knew he kept talking about it to make a point. His point was: “I know you are smoking, you sneaky little bitch! Stop it before you die on me and I have to raise our kid alone!” So… yeah. I got it. But now, I have to hang out in all the “vaping” (that’s the stupid word they use for the act of smoking a e-cigarette) forums just to research and find out stuff I want to know because I am geeky that way… and I don’t want to be inhaling new carcinogens so I hang out in the “organic” groups as well… with a-l-o-t of hippie environmentalists… like ALOT! They wouldn’t call themselves that… but they so are… I almost feel bohemian! Unfortunately, I am still way too commercially tainted to ever pass muster… I kinda feel like one of those loser creeps that hangs around people who don’t want him around. Oh well.

6. My kid is toy deprived.

So, all my kid’s toys fit in one of those 18 gallon Tupperware containers. Seriously. No joke. I think my husband has been throwing them out or something! I feel like the kid is lacking child related stimulation, and now, I feel bad! I hope he gets lots of toys for Christmas… My husband is very picky, though. For example, he doesn’t think the kid should have blocks because he will throw them or hit us with them. Uhhhhh…. whaaaaat? So I am totally getting him blocks. And not just little blocks but big huge freaking massive blocks he can build castles with! He’s too young to be rebellious so I’ve got to do it for him. Poor little guy!Always in trouble with Daddy!

7. Fatness is contagious.

So, my husband has caught my fatness… at least, that’s what he is acting like. Duh. He keeps getting on the scale and he’s like 196 pounds. With clothes on. At 6 foot tall. And he is aghast! And he’s being serious. Even though I’m laughing, which I am sure he does not appreciate. But, really? The man has more willpower than anyone I know. He will go on a tuna sandwich diet for two weeks and be 15 pounds lighter. I hate him for that! 😆 And, he doesn’t SAY that it’s my fault but I feel like it is because I have been cooking on the weekends… but, really, it’s his own damn fault… He bought a whole package of Oreo Mint cookies and left my son ONE from the whole package, which means my husband ate the rest of the package BY.HIM.SELF! You can’t do that and then get on the scale three days later and act like you’re all pissed that you gained weight. I mean, COME ON!

8. New Year’s Resolutions…

Has everyone started planning? Nate has already made ten statements over at EP of things he will never be able to keep up with… like making nice with his brother… like THAT will happen… or not drinking martinis after 9pm… ummmm… sure… he should be easy to whoop in Canasta now… 😆 I am setting myself up for another year of failure as well so I shouldn’t pick on Nate too bad… I do plan to really recommit to myself to just take care of myself. Quitting smoking is the first thing… but I also want to totally be nicotine free by the end of 2014. E-cigarettes have nicotine in them but no chemical soaked tobacco. You can wean down to no nicotine, though. I am also going to try a new diet strategy since I am bored with the old one. My old ass body needs a kick in the ass, I believe. I also want to commit to putting on make up every damn day. It makes you feel better to do that, but when you work from home, it’s so easy to just skank yourself up for way too long. For example, I have worn these pajama pants I have on for three days straight now… ugh! Don’t judge… It is what it is…

9. I am already sick of snow. And cold. And I don’t like rain either.

Yeah. I’m whining. I just want to be somewhere where the weather is mild year round… no torrential downpours. No bitterly cold wind chills. No buckets of snow. No hurricanes, typhoons, tornados, or blizzards. WHERE IS THIS MYSTICAL PLACE?! Let me know… I need it. And I may be unemployed soon so I might have some free time on my hands… 😉

10. Quit being stingy! GIVE!

One of the things I do every single day of my life is listen to other people’s problems. It makes me humble and feel blessed to have what little I do have and not want for too much because there is always someone else so much worse off. I know it has been a rough year for so many of us. And I suspect, since I was already informed of such at my job, that 2014 may be even worse… but I hope that everyone can take some time this Christmas to give back to someone in need. Commit a random act of kindness, donate your time, listen to a friend or neighbor, or… just cough up some cash. My absolutely favorite charity this year is modestneeds.org . This charity is to give to every day people who just need a small helping hand this season. All the hardships are verified by the organization and you can even donate small amounts and it can really be life changing for the recipients that are being helped. I hope you’ll consider giving to them and take some time to read some of the stories… these are exactly like the people I speak with every day… they could be your neighbor, your friend’s cousin, your mom’s elderly friend… you never know… everyone’s got problems, but sometimes a small token can help them push through the hard times. Go now.

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PEACE!

So I have been reluctant to post because it seems like too much is going on in my life. When it rains, it doesn’t just pour… it freaking hails golf ball sized shit pellets on my head. 🙄

Here’s my mish mash of crap life has been throwing my way:

1. My dad decided after physically seeing a woman for like 10 days (MAYBE) that he is getting married in August. Of this year. And, No, I have not met her. At all. And then, when I protested, he made a nasty, snarky comment about me getting pregnant… so I told him to F off. I’m not saying I’m proud of it but… really? There is no need to throw out personal insults when your family is just looking out for you because they LOVE YOU. Jeez! 🙄

2. My son finally found a full time job and all he does every.single.day is WHINE about how working 40 hours a week being on his feet sucks ass. Poor guy. 😐

3. My tenant gave me only 2 weeks notice that he is moving out of my house which means I now have to go in and clean and fix all the shit I didn’t fix the first time AND I only got half a month’s rent AND I need to buy a new stove (Damage: $500)… And he was a freaking slob! He had 4 children, 2 dogs, and a crazy girlfriend who broke all his windows in his van out… how do you imagine my house will look when I get to go in there?

4. My husband took 2 weeks off of work to entertain his best friend who came to visit for one week. (You do the math…) All he has done this week is complain about how short his check is because he did that… on his own.

5. My car’s wheel bearing is going out. Damage: $300. Due: Soon… preferably before I die.

6. My youngest son’s new thing is to cry for an hour every night before he finally decides to go to sleep. It’s fun. Lots.

7. My boss called an annual meeting two weeks ago… for this week… right after my husband already took two weeks off work. And he works third shift. Do you know how freaking hard it is to find a babysitter for third shift? With no helpful family close by that is physically available? 😐

8. I went to the annual kinda-like-a-high-school-reunion festival over Memorial Day weekend. I do NOT look like Jennifer Lopez. I have NOT won the Lottery. I did NOT just list and immediately sell my awesome house on the golf course so I could move my two super duper cute little girls closer to my perfect 75% of the year job that pays me for 100% of the year. I am a first impression failure. FML.

9. I’m pretty sure I gained weight. I can’t say for sure but I think so. I’m totally not weighing myself until I get back from Dallas/Fort Worth AND I’ve finished the quart of chocolate peanut butter ice cream in my freezer. Period. 😛

Hmmmm…. I thought for sure I could make it to 10. Just another sign that I am a freaking loser mess right now.

Seriously… what is going on???? I had so much good karma over the last three or four years that I have used it all up? WTF?

Oh…

10. My husband’s check engine light came on and he told me we would need to use the remainder of the tax refund — the tax refund I wanted to use to get a new couch since our son is picking the old flaky fake leather off the one we have now and eating it — to make whatever repairs are needed for his truck… even though my car needs a $300 repair as well… before I die.

I knew I had 10 in me. At least I accomplished something today…

How ya’ll doing?

😐

I used to be really good about blogging regularly and now my mind is all ***BLAHHH***

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I can never seem to remember to post. I think of things to write about all the time but I am so overwhelmed with work now that my mind is a hot mess by the time I clock out for the day. I will cherish the day when I can retire…

Yeah. I said that.

I always thought I would be one of those people who would work until my dying day but my job is so high stress now. I can’t imagine anything more grating than having to work under this extreme pressure for the rest of my damn life. It’s sad really because I used to love this job. And I guess I still do… if I wasn’t being pressured to do the impossible all the time and actually given a pat on the back in a genuine way once in a while… 😐

So what have I been UP TO??? (Nate asked…)

Well, I got the flu right before Easter. Everyone in our house had it and it wiped me out for 3 days. It sucked. But I lost 4 pounds. Which I promptly gained back due to bloat. Yay me.

I did end up losing 10 pounds in the month of March. I know I should be happy with that, but I’m not. I hate dieting right now. If my husband genuinely liked fat chicks and they made clothes that looked better on my fat ass, I would give it up this second just to be able to eat a massive plate of beef stroganoff right now.

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It’s just so unfair that I can’t eat things I actually like and are comforting to me. Why can’t beef stroganoff only be 200 calories for a large platter of it? Dammit! And why does hot buttered popcorn have to be a gazillion calories? WHY?

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I am just way too anxious right now to get the weight off and 10 pounds a month seems so S-L-O-W. Back when I was actually commited, my goal was slow and steady wins the race. Thirty pounds a year was my only goal. Maybe that’s my problem. I am too overly anxious to hit my 30 this time around because I actually want to be even less than that.

I have all this “stuff” coming up… my birthday… summer… 4th of July… swimming. I can’t go out looking like I do now. I look horrible right now. The pregnancy really did a number on my shape. I’ve always been a curvy girl but now I am just a fat ass boy. Ick. So not happy about that. *sigh*

Ugh. I know. I’m just whining and being a pussy about this. 🙄

I’ve really been missing Petey lately. I’ve been watching old episodes of the Dog Whisperer on Netflix. Thank God there are only 12 available. My husband does have a dog, Kiana, but she has always hated me. She is a really jealous bitch (literally) and is not affectionate in any way whatsoever.

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I thought of maybe calling the people who adopted Petey to see how he’s doing but I have decided against it. I’m afraid that they will tell me that he ran away and they couldn’t find him or that they took him to the pound. I hope that hasn’t happened but I have decided that maybe it’s better if I don’t know. I would be devastated to find that out, especially since I fretted so much and spent so much time finding him a proper place where he could find a new loving home. I would feel awful if he didn’t end up being loved immensely for the rest of his life.

Because of my work hours and Andy’s schedule, I spend alot of time alone and having a dog to cuddle with and be my companion would really be helpful. Kiana ignores me most of the time, and when she isn’t ignoring me, she is generally disobeying me or trying to get my food. Andy isn’t big on lap dogs so she certainly is not one of those types to begin with.

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If I ever get another dog, I would love to have a smaller type dog. Not teeny but not really big either. Petey wasn’t always the most well behaved guy but I always knew that I could pick his ass up right up out of any situation and lay him down with just my hands. I could not do that with a larger dog.

Andy’s dog attacked the little ankle biter across the street a couple of days ago. If that had happened on my watch, I would not have been able to get her back under my control. Small dogs are controllable. Maybe that’s just me bullshitting myself. 😆

Oh… I wanted to thank BRENDA for notifying me that I am an extreme dumbass by finding the large size straps for my Bodyfit thingamajig. I bought one immediately after she sent the link. I got it in a few days… it immediately broke. 😦 I emailed Bodymedia and they promptly sent a new one out and didn’t make me send the old one back. THAT is good customer service right there…

One of my New Year’s Resolutions was that I was going to start making sure that people who gave good customer service were praised with a formal thank you card sent. People don’t do those things anymore. We are so accustomed to doing everything online or by phone. How many of you have been asked to take a survey at the end of a call and hang up before you actually get stuck doing it?

Well, I know first hand that those surveys actually help employees who deserve it… and personal comments are greatly appreciated and help those employees stand out with their employers. In todays world, I imagine there are all sorts of people who have really shitty jobs talking to people on the phone all day. The people they speak with are usually calling them with some type of problem. They are upset and frustrated and screaming and yelling… not what the representative probably wanted to hear but hey, it’s a job, right?

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I decided that I would try to start recognizing people for that. Because it’s a shitty world out there. People are being shit on and people are taking shit out on people they shouldn’t. When someone is providing me with great customer service, I fully have committed to making sure I commend that person and I hope to do it in a way where that employee will get some recognition from their employer.

I should also say this: if you provide horrible customer service, you just might be hearing from me on that as well… because you know what? There are 100 people out there who have been unemployed for more than a year who would love and appreciate having the position you don’t even act like you want to have… So you’d better watch out for me. 😉

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Random thought: This is how busy I have been… I received my one Netflix movie 6 weeks ago. I haven’t watched it yet. 😐 Why am I paying for this? Grrr!

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Quickie Product Review: The MISTO. Anyone have this contraption? I have no idea why I bought it. They sell Pam with Olive Oil now… why do I need the MISTO? Anyway, I was at Bed, bath, and Beyond and felt compelled to buy it as I sat looking at it while sitting around waiting for a friend to finish shopping. I get it home and it’s broke right out of the box. And the freaking BB&B store is 75 miles away! GAH! I hate that! Anyway, just so you know… now that I do have it out of the box, even if it did work, I’m thinking “totally useless”.

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Okay, well, I have so much more to completely ramble on about, but now, it’s ONE FREAKING A.M. and I need to try to get some sleep before my kid wakes up at 3am… because that’s how he’s rolling these days. 🙄

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PEACE!!!

I was totally going to write a blog on the joys of traveling with women who can’t follow GPS directions…

And then I stopped by Pinterest.

DOH!

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Okay… you’ve got me…. I totally lied in my last post… 😯

I am going to try to complete a couple of posts RIGHT.FREAKING.NOW!!!! 😛

No promises…

Freaks…

I am currently cooking supper, holding a baby AND a bottle, looking for a babysitter on facebook, trying to find lost episodes of Top Chef online, and typing with only one hand… but hey… writing for YOU PEOPLE is obviously my TOP PRIORITY!

🙄