Archive for the ‘Hugh Hefner Happy!’ Category

Well, it’s all over. 😦 All the excitement and theΒ adrenaline and the romance and the stress and the urge to rip people into teeny tiny shards… it’s all gone now…


I shouldn’t say the romance is gone. It’s still there. Surprisingly. πŸ˜‰

Since I am old as dirt and since we have been together for 2 years AND because he has seen me in the same yoga pants and tee shirt for 3 days in a row with no make up on and no hairbrush in sight and overly bloated and being a raging lunatic, I never thought we would really be or act like “newlyweds”. But we do… it’s kind of strange and yet so enthralling all at the same time. Who knew?

I figured after the wedding, it was all downhill from there. But it really hasn’t been. I feel more in love than I ever have been. And I’m 42 years old. And I’m 50+ pounds overweight. And my hair is going grey. And my post-pregnancy pouch is ginormous… πŸ˜† Yet everytime I see him, I melt. It also helps if he’s just in his underwear… or not… but you get what I’m saying…

So there was all sorts of drama surrounding the wedding. It all seems trivial now but I know if I would have posted during that time I would have gone off the deep end. I did post over at EP briefly before Nate reeled me in and told me to quit acting like an insane freak. WORD, sista. πŸ™‚

So now I am calmer and can retell the catastrophes in a more sane way I believe…

I don’t think anyone should go into planning a wedding not expecting something to go wrong. I mean, really… it’s not realistic. And everyone KNOWS I’m a realist. I get stuff like that. πŸ™„

So here’s the shortlist of what went wrong:

1. My shitty ass unprofessional photographer AMBER KERKOVE of KERKOVE PHOTOGRAPHY ditched out of my wedding 6 days prior to the wedding. No I did not have a formal contract with her so forget all the emails telling me to sue her ass. She tried to make amends by asking her assistant to fill in. I love her assistant. I have no issues with her assistant personally. I know her and her family. However, it was the principal of the thing… so I had no professional photographer for my wedding… 😑

2. I had 89 RSVPs… 89 people that were supposed to have their asses in chairs and eating the food I bought them. 49 people showed I believe and I am probably being generous. I bought food for 100 people. WTF? So fucking rude… and it absolutely pissed me off to no end.

3. It was like a freaking tornado out when I walked down the aisle. And all that hair that everyone loves and admires and lusts after? Yeah, it was just flying all over the damn place… ugh! 😑

4. Deann couldn’t show up on time AGAIN so I had no one to greet my guests when they arrived for the ceremony. I told the woman 4PM! I mean, come on! I told her an hour prior and she still was late!

5. My father shows up at my wedding wearing jeans and a black tee shirt. 😯 Are you fucking kidding me? I’m your DAUGHTER! Do you not even know who I am as a person???? Must not because all of my friends know… you show up at my wedding in jeans, I will say something to you and it won’t necessarily be pleasant… and I did to everyone… including my dad…

6. I was very excited that some of my mother’s family from Oklahome RSVP’d to be there. I couldn’t wait to see them! They didn’t show. Hell, no one from her family even sent a card or gift! It was not only hurtful, but incredibly rude. I’m done with them.

7. I only listened to the music I planned to walk down the aisle to like 3 times before the ceremony. We did not have a dress rehearsal. It showed. 😐 I ended up walking down too soon and way too fast (because I was fending off the pending turbine winds…) so then we had to wait for 90 seconds of music to play while we all stood there looking around and I apologized profusely to the Pastor… Damn it!

8. 6 days before my wedding, Deann and I determined after a one hour session at her house laying on beds and using power tools, that the zipper on my dress was NOT going to go up. Ever.

9. The shoes I loved and so carefully researched for comfort were too big that day (foot shrinkage?) and hurt like a mother fucker! I used to run races in heels… what happened to me???

Ummm… I think that’s all… πŸ˜†

So let’s flip the switch, yo!

1. We have amazing family and friends who took so many wonderful and touching pictures of the wedding so we got all the most important shots.

2. The food was so freaking good that I had virtually NO leftovers. I was happy for that and proud that I made a good call on all the food from amazing vendors and friends.

3. The pictures were able to be editted so I could make my hair look halfway decent in the shots that meant the most to me so it’s all gooood. πŸ˜€

4. Deann showed up late but she was also the one who waited on my corn casserole to finish cooking at home and brought it to the Inn. Everyone loved that corn casserole!

5. My son walked me down the aisle and looked great and all my children and foster children dressed appropriately for the event, so my dad was the only one who looked like an ass and I could explain that to others by hinting at dementia… 😯 works for me!

6. I was disappointed in my mother’s family, but as I look back, I realize I got to spend very little time with anyone really and the most memorable parts of my wedding involved really only me and Andrew. It could have been just me and him and I would have been happy. πŸ™‚

7. I fucked up the ceremony music… okay… but Andrew came through 1000% on the reception music. Our first dance song was perfect and it is my most memorable and precious event of the night… even if we do dance incredibly bad together…

8. Only in small town can you ask someone who knows someone’s brother in the next town whose wife does alterations if she can put a new zipper in a super important gown in one day and it happens without a hitch. It’s the only nice thing Deann’s mom has ever done for me, giving me that woman’s number… πŸ˜†

9. I’m still sad about the shoes. They looked so freaking HOT! *sigh* 😦

Overall, I feel like the wedding was beautiful. It was us 100% and no one else. The whole thing, screw ups and all, makes me feel happy giddy in my memory. I loved everything about it. It makes me teary eyed to remember it now, which is a good thing.

I never felt that way about my first wedding. Ever. That was more about everyone else. What everyone else wanted. And what was cheap. And what was proper. And what was expected since I was pregnant. It wasn’t about me or my fiance at the time. It wasn’t about our super romantic love for each other. Hell, I had just caught him in a major relationship/affair 2 months prior for Pete’s freaking sake!

Anyway, this wasn’t about any of that at all. And I really feel like even if no one showed – of course I would have been super hurt and pissed if that happened but “hypothetically”…- if no one had showed, I still would have had an amazing magical night just with Andrew and it all still would have been perfect.

Because I really feel now like the absolute only thing that mattered that night was me and him. Period.

As it should be….




How about that? πŸ˜€

This is what he thinks about you:

When I was younger man I hadn’t a care
Foolin’ around, hitting the town, growing my hair
You came along and stole my heart when you entered my life
Ooh babe you got what it takes so I made you my wife

Since then I never looked back
It’s almost like living a dream
And ooh I love you

You came along from far away and found me here
I was playin’ around, feeling down, hittin’ the beer
You picked me up from off the floor and gave me a smile
You said you’re much too young, your life ain’t begun, let’s walk for awhile

And as my head was spinnin’ ’round
I gazed into your eyes
And thought ooh I want you

Thank you babe for being a friend
And shinin’ your light in my life
’cause ooh I need you

As my head was comin’ round
I gazed into your eyes
And thought ooh I want you

Thanks again for being my friend
And straightenin’ out my life
’cause ooh I need you

Since then I never looked back
It’s almost like livin’ a dream
Ooh I got you

If ever a man had it all
It would have to be me
And ooh I love you

My husband – the non-emotional, anti-sentimental, hardcore manly man – picked this song for our first dance together. All by himself.

And what’s crazy great about this? I believe every single word of this emanates from his soul. Even if he doesn’t sing it from the rooftops every single day. I believe him even in his silence. I don’t know if I’ve had that at all for decades actually… someone who loved me and I believed it whole heartedly.

He’s a good man. I’m very blessed.



Posted: May 23, 2012 in Hugh Hefner Happy!

The Wedding IS a GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Let the insane planning begin!




I win.

Posted: March 20, 2012 in Hugh Hefner Happy!

Some really earth shattering revelations have come to me in the last couple of weeks. I guess you are never too old to learn a thing or two about life. Just when you think you know it all, up pops some little tidbit of amazingness that knocks the wind right out of you… ya know? πŸ˜‰

I don’t know if I was just brainwashed or delusional still from my previous marriage or what the deal was, but I really did think I had love all figured out. πŸ™„ I thought I knew exactly what it was and how it felt and looked and what it tasted like… everything! But after the last couple of weeks of staying home with just me and Andrew and the baby, it kind of hit me like a ton of bricks that I didn’t know anything at all… until now. πŸ˜‰

I don’t know… maybe it’s just that my perspective that has changed? Whatever it is, it just seems so clear to me now… so much clearer than it had ever been in the past…

One thing about me and my ex-husband… I always assumed that I knew that he loved me. He did horrible things to our marriage but he always was completely remorseful and devastated and seemed genuinely sorry and proclaimed his love for me from the treetops whenever he fucked up. So I always knew that anytime I had to deal with whatever shitstorm he brought to our marriage that above all else he loved me…

That’s what I thought. 😐 I believed that forever… up until a few days ago… 😐

Now I realize…

That’s sooo not real love… it’s just not… you don’t continually over several years – decades! – make the same emotionally devastating mistake that is going to kill the heart and soul of the person you love OVER AND OVER AGAIN when you have real love for that person.


You don’t ever let the one you love ever feel inferior to anyone else. And when the love of your life is down in the gutter, you don’t expect that person to be strong enough to dig themselves out of it… you go and love her out of it and take the very best care of her that you can…

I never had any of that before… 😦

Until now… πŸ™‚

Now I realize what real love really feels like and looks like and tastes like. It has kind of turned my world upside down. It makes me cry inappropriately… (I know! What else is new??? πŸ˜† ) but it’s tears of happiness usually, not sadness… I do feel a little stupid that I didn’t know before but thought I did… πŸ™„

Andrew has been amazing these last couple of weeks. He took the time off work even though his paycheck will be short because of it. He has taken care of me day after day and let me sleep when he knew I needed it. He checked in on me, brought my meds to me in bed as well as coffee on days when I could barely move and just wanted to die. He has enthusiastically taken on everything with the baby and never complains even when I know he is tired, too.

He makes me feel beautiful even when I know that I look horrible and probably don’t smell so great either. πŸ˜† He has gone out of his way to make sure I know how much he loves me and appreciates me by showing me every single day without “forgetting” about it…

Maybe that all seems so trivial to you guys… but it’s a huge change for me because he can do all that and make me feel so deeply for him myself *WITHOUT*… I repeat, *WITHOUT*… a huge emotional yet selfish breakdown. πŸ˜‰ He shows me that even when he is completely silent. He doesn’t need to be sobbing or screaming at me to prove that. His presence next to me just kind of exudes that feeling. I can feel his love for me just floating off of him and into me…

I know what you haters are thinking… but screw you! This is a big deal to me! I think I had given up on that kind of love… so I had given up on ever feeling true real love, I guess you could say… I just assumed that it didn’t exist or that it only existed in the movies. I assumed that the way Tim acted and reacted was true love and I really didn’t want that kind of love anymore… OBVIOUSLY… if it meant getting hurt every 5 years then it just wasn’t worth it. For real. 😦

So I gave up. 😯 On real love. 😦

Now I can see that I never had the right definition to begin with. Now I do and it makes a huge impact on my outlook on life now. I don’t think I ever allowed myself to really SEE or FEEL just how much Andrew truly loves me and how much I love him. I knew I loved him and I knew he loved me but I didn’t really fully envelop myself in that. We are kind of a “matter-of-fact” kind of couple with me being the much more romantic of the two of us, which is a change from my past… but we don’t generally show too much sappiness towards each other too often…

To be honest, it all seemed too good to be true… I’ve been kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop most of the time… just waiting for one of the old warning signs to show up and just PROVE to myself that my old idea and picture of love was true… πŸ™„

Thank GOD that is not what has happened. Andrew truly loves me. I can actually feel it. πŸ˜€

And I can honestly say that I have never felt this loved before… not like this…

It’s so exciting and terrifying! πŸ˜†

(Nate: Don’t be jealous, bitch. πŸ˜› )

Well… πŸ˜†

I can finally keep a promise! This blog post **WILL** feature the pretty much finished nursery AND… (GASP! 😯 ) a baby! πŸ˜€

Yep… you heard me right… please let me introduce to you:


Is that not THE most adorable little baby boy you have EVER seen in your life????

You’d better be saying yes, jerks… πŸ˜†

I am IN LOVE with that little tubby bundle!

Sooo… alot has happened since I last popped in here… to say the least!!! πŸ˜‰

Where do I start?


The last time I spoke here I was miserable beyond belief, very bitter towards my medical team, hated every person on the planet, and was generally feeling sorry for myself and being a big huge Debbie Downer. 😦

Yeah, sorry about that, folks… Can’t say much more than that… I’m sorry.

So anywaaaay… I continued feeling that way for another solid week… and after 2 more hospital trips for ultrasounds and non-stress tests for the baby… and after getting ANOTHER doctor to finally say, “wtf… why are we waiting to get this ginormous kid out?” I was finally scheduled for a C-section due to size the day before my original due date… πŸ™„

The doctor who got the ball finally rolling for me said it must be a man thing to not commit to a date because she probably would have scheduled me for a C-section 2 weeks prior. But that’s because she is a woman and she is not afraid to say that she would induce for size alone… My last ultrasound, at 39 weeks exactly, Sean measured 9 pounds 6 ounces. Now, granted, that is a guesstimate… he was still inside me so it can’t be 100% accurate so there is a margin of error…

But this was my second or third ultrasound with this particular tech. I trusted her because she was confident in her own numbers. She fully admitted to the possibility of a 2 pound error margin but she also told me, “I don’t think I am wrong”. And she wasn’t… πŸ™„

I have never had major surgery like that before… the worst I had was outpatient gall bladder surgery… not really a biggie… a C-section is major abdominal surgery. I had been preparing for the long hard work of a natural childbirth. I thought this would be a breeze… and it was to some extent…

I did not have hours upon hours of back breaking labor followed by 2 hours or more of pushing. Nope. It was all scheduled and I went in and basically it was all planned out in advance. Yadda yadda yadda. So everyone on the “team” is very upbeat and conversational… The anesthesiologist woman was super peppy and annoying… πŸ™„

So they start doing their THANG – prepping me, getting instruments in place, double checking dosages… Everything is a go and we get started. It was a very surreal experience being awake to feel tugging but nothing else. 😯 They brought Andrew in. He is a bit squeamish at the sight of blood and intestines and stuff like that so he was not going to look beyond the sheet barrier they had mocked up…

So, like I said, everyone is doing their jobs… my doctor was periodically letting me know what was next and what to expect in terms of pressure. He gets to the part of pulling the baby out of the uterus and tells me there will be alot of pressure but no pain and he just wanted to warn me. Okay. I get it. Then he pulled the baby out…

There were like 10-12 people in this operating room. When the baby was pulled out, there was this brief silence and then my doc says, “We made the right choice on this one!” and he proceeds to let me know the baby is out and BIG as predicted. Everyone else in the room is reacting as well with “wow”s and “oh my”s and stuff so that prompts Andy to look over the sheet. Then he sat right back down on the seat next to me and leans over and says, “he’s very large”.

Huh? 😯 Like how large? I mean, really… HOW LARGE???

So they whisk baby Sean and Andrew off to our room and I remain in the Operating Room to be closed up and stabilized. The doctor and all the techs and nurses start taking bets on the weight amount. My doctor’s pick? 9 pounds 14 ounces!!!!

Excuse me??? 😯

Word comes back from my room that the weight was…

10 pounds 2.1 ounces!!!!!

Holy crapola!!! That would have tore the crap out of me! LITERALLY!!!

So I lived through it and we have now made Sean Christopher the center of our little world. We are extremely happy… so happy we are probably annoying to everyone else. πŸ˜› We post all sorts of pictures and videos that really have no meaning to anyone but us. πŸ˜† We’re THOSE people…

This is really an amazing experience for me… I know I have done it all before but I think you tend to appreciate the experience a little more as an old timer like me… Every single experience is an adventure of sorts.

What didn’t register with me immediately is how this was a million “first times” for Andrew. Every single thing he has done in the last several days is a “first time” for him. He had never changed a diaper, fed a bottle to a baby, wrapped a baby in a blanket, rocked a baby to sleep, etc., etc. I was so happy that when I delivered Sean at 8:23am on the 19th, they immediately took the baby and Andrew back to our private room and after checking him out, the doctor handed Sean to Andrew.

They got to spend about 30-45 minutes totally alone together. Andy didn’t tell me much about that time that he spent with Sean but he did tell me it was very emotional for him. πŸ˜₯ Awwww….

Okay… so enough about all that… πŸ˜†

Here’s the nursery!

It still isn’t completely done… I need artwork above the crib… It’s partially done but I didn’t have time to hang it. I am adding canvas black and whites above those. i also need to still do the fake Capiz shell light fixture. I just need to find the time… πŸ˜† story of my life right there…

I still was not able to talk Andy into bringing that second chair up from the basement. But you see the huge gaping hole, right? RIGHT???!!! I mean, COME ON! πŸ™„

I do want to thank every single one of you who either came to see me or called or sent text messages while I was in the hospital. We are a very nuclear society and I am one of those who appreciates that sometimes all you can offer is a little e-card. Life gets the best of all of us sometimes, so I do understand when you can only make a small gesture or nod. I also understand when you are too overwhelmed to do anything at all. πŸ˜‰

I get discharged tomorrow morning and will start my maternity leave in full force. I am pretty sore but I am hoping to be much more peppy and agile once the swelling and inflammation has subsided… it hasn’t so far. 😐 I will try to blog post a little more often now that I am off work for a bit.

I hope everyone else has been well. I love all you guys!