Archive for the ‘My body hates me’ Category

I know I have been MIA. I have been so frustrated with this stall I am in and just really didn’t know what to say. I was hoping I could break it and be all like, “Look at how fucking smart I am!”


But I’m not smart, apparently. Because I am still stalled.


I am not perfect by far. But I am determined. Every time I do low carb, I get stalled at around 40 pounds. I get frustrated and pissed off and abandon the plan for low calorie/high carb. I’m not doing that this time. Mostly because I’m stubborn and now I feel like I have a vendetta against my rebellious body.


So, I have just been trudging on. And not losing.

Here’s the things I think are holding me back:

1. Not enough sleep
3. Fucking POPCORN!
4. Too much snacking
5. Using net carbs

One of the battles I seem to be having lately is insomnia. Is this a side effect of menopause? Someone tell me now! It’s killing me. Last week, I spent one night laying wide awake in bed until 4:45am and then my kid woke up at 8am. This is not conducive to weight loss. GRRRR!


Lately, I have been craving sweets. This is not me. I am not a sweet eater. I got fat eating onion rings, french fries, fried chicken, pasta, risotto, enchiladas, and tacos. But my one sweet spot in my heart is reserved for chocolate peanut butter ice cream. So I can’t have that low carb ice cream around because I could eat a quart in a week easily and it has ALOT of sugar alcohols. So I came up with a brilliant idea to use one tablespoon of sugar free chocolate chips mixed in with all natural peanut butter.

Now, overall, this is low carb… but not when you eat 4 tablespoons of peanut butter with it. Because 4 tablespoons is like 11 grams of carbs! That’s half of my carb allowance in general for the day! WTF? And I keep doing it! Someone stop me!



The ONE thing that I miss on low carb more than anything in the whole wide world is bad, bad GMO popcorn with lots of real butter. And I can’t eat just a cup or two. I need to eat the whole damn bowl!

My husband and I watch and go to movies all the time. It’s like our thing. And movie theaters do not sell ANYTHING low carb. Jerky and pork rinds are NOT theater food. So shut your face if that’s your solution…


In general, I do fine all day until I get off work. After I get my kid to bed, I am starving… I eat something… and then another something… and then some peanut butter… and then another something… GAH!

When I did low calorie/high carb, this was something I could work around. However, most of the items on low carb are high calorie or high protein. So I am constantly fucking my whole macro plan up! It’s so frustrating because I *know* what I am doing AS I am doing it!

I usually talk myself into snacking by making sure it’s low carb. But if it’s low carb, it’s usually high protein! Which just turns into glucose anyway! FML!


For example, just now, I went and grabbed a chicken leg from the frig… I’m already at 80g of protein for the day! I didn’t need to eat the fucking chicken leg!

So this is how I am currently spiraling out of control. I do have a plan to stop it.

To Be Continued…



Well, it has now been 4 months since I started LCHF (Low Carb, High Fat) and I am feeling FABULOUS! I have now lost:


And that was with a full blown cheat day for my birthday where I gained 6 pounds overnight! I call that a WIN to have lost almost 8 pounds in a month. I mean, one whole week was just used working off my cheat day so the 8 pounds lost was really in 3 weeks.

I haven’t taken measurements yet, because I’m effing laaazzzyyy. (You all know this about me…) I hope to remember to do them first thing tomorrow morning.

From my prior post, I detailed out my planned cheat day and my recovery plan. It went very well and I lost all that I gained plus a few ounces. That’s fine with me. I really do feel like it was worth it. I had no ill side effects that so many others complain about other than just general fatigue… kind of like an extended carb crash. But it wasn’t awful or anything I would have complained about incessantly in the groups.

My recovery plan worked amazingly well. I had a full on chicken week. I precooked 3.75 pounds of chicken breasts. From that, I made several servings of several meals.


Most mornings I ate a spinach omelet because that is my go-to meal. The thing about these omelets is that you can add more fat or protein as needed. Plus they are creamy and yummy and hot, very much like my prior comfort foods that I loved…

This actually made for a very cheap eats week on LCHF. The chicken was on sale for $1.99 a pound last week. What pisses me off about chicken breast these days is that they add broth to them, because apparently, all the domestic chickens are flavorless. Plus, they are just trying to screw you over. You know it, I know it. So the 3.75 pounds of chicken breast only weighed like 2.5 pounds after it was cooked. So, whatever…

Anyway, for $7.44 for the chicken and a dozen large eggs at $1.49, I had all my protein for the week. I used 2 tablespoons of chopped fresh cilantro, a stalk of celery, a couple of tablespoons of mayo, and 2 small green onion stalks to make all of the above. I added one bag of steamable broccoli florets, a bag of spinach, a large head of romaine, one avocado, a bag of shredded cheddar, and sour cream. Even if you add in all the condiments I already had on hand, like soy sauce, sesame seeds, butter, salsa, sesame oil, and various snacks (usually 1-2 oz. nuts or sugar free candy/aldi’s bars), I spent maybe $30 for the week. That’s not bad…

So, for my recovery week, I tried my best to stay at 1400 calories or less. That was sometimes hard because I also was trying to keep my fat macro about 70%. That is super hard. But I accomplished this most days and I easily lost the 6 pounds I had gained from my super gluttonous cheat day (well, it was more like a 1.25 day).

Oh, and apparently, the menus are popular so here was the menu from my frig this last week:

Cheap LCHF Chicken Week Menu

You will notice that snacks aren’t listed here. I have gotten into this habit… well, it’s an old bad habit that is now adapted for this new way of living… but I basically buy cheap snacks when I see them. I actually am not a sweets eater. I got fat eating lowfat carbs like whole wheat bread, pasta, and rice and deep fried carbs like french fries, onion rings (yum!), and beer battered fish or hard shell tacos. I have no idea why I buy all these low carb sweets.

Basically, I horde snack foods “just in case”. Like, I am horrified at the thought that if I am desperate to eat — and there are days where I am working so hard that this does happen– I want the ability to snack on something and not feel incredibly bad about it. I have bags of various nuts, sugar free toffee squares and chocolate truffles, the new Aldi’s low carb bars, Quest bars, one serving packets of Justin’s almond or peanut butter, pork rinds, etc. in a shelf area in my office desk.

The thing is… I keep buying this shit and I rarely eat any of it. Or, when I do eat something, it is less than one serving of it. So the shelf is actually becoming a little full. I guess I need to stop that… Maybe. Kinda. I’ll try. πŸ˜›



When I started my new way of living/eating, I decided that I would have three designated cheat days a year: My birthday, my anniversary, and Christmas Day. I know people get crazy righteous about cheat days in online communities so I keep this shit to myself…

cheat meals 1

So, this weekend was one of those cheat days. If you want to see what I ate, feel free to go to my Myfitnesspal page and take a looksie. Yes. I documented it. The whole ugly day… fair warning — it’s a horrific carb filled nightmare. πŸ˜›


No regrets here. I don’t feel one bit bad. πŸ™‚

Look… we are all human. Cake is good. Carbs taste fucking amazing. Let’s be real here. Life would be very sad without polenta or spaghetti or Popeye’s Spicy Fried Chicken or (insert your favorite carb here). I think it is entirely unrealistic to tell yourself you will NEVER have a certain something or another of pure bliss unless you will die from it.

I have a “foster” son who is highly lactose intolerant. He also has MS. 😦  He doesn’t need any help feeling like crap and he generally tries to eat healthy for his own well being. But he loves ice cream. He doesn’t eat it often but he does occasionally do it. For him, the risk is worth the pleasure.

That’s how I view cheat days. The risk is worth the pleasure. Sooo… How much weight gain did this pleasure cost me? 6 pounds.


I know. It seems like alot. But if you check out my food log, you will see that I ate about 3500 calories for the whole cheat day. To gain 6 pounds of actual fat, I would have had to eat at least 21,000 calories. So it’s most likely water weight. (I hope…)


Anyway, people on Facebook and in the online groups would be freaking the hell out if this happened to them. I’m just kinda like “meh”… no biggie. I planned to do it. I knew what I wanted. I had a plan for the following week. I’m not curled up into the fetal position on my floor in deep throes of regret contemplating suicide. I’m good!

I think that the people who lose their willpower and unexpectedly fall off the wagon are the ones who freak out. Planning is key. I have known about this from the beginning. I did contemplate not doing it because I was actually within 5 pounds of my first goal (pre-happiness weight) but decided to just do it. I felt like if I didn’t stick with my plan now then I would talk myself into going off for a day later when it wasn’t as well planned out. THEN, freak out.

crackhead skinny

So I stuck to the plan. I don’t regret it. I’m doing pretty good. I don’t really get all the extreme symptoms that people speak of when they cheat like feeling horrible from all the carbs in their system or feeling like they have the flu. What’s that about?

I suppose everyone is different… but I had no ill side effects of eating carbs. I felt fine. I feel fine. My only side effect it seems is that I am extremely tired today. Like first trimester type fatigue where I probably could have slept all day if I didn’t have a terrible two toddler running my life right now. Other than that, no issues…

cheat meal bliss

Like I said, I have a plan for this week. The plan is to eat closer to 1300-1400 calories a day (about 200-300 less than my daily average) and be pretty strict on my water intake. Today, I ate about 10 grams of carbs and I would like to keep the carbs to between 10-15 all week. Oh, also, I’m doing an all chicken week! (I’ll do a separate post on that another time.)

It’s my first cheat day this year so I am not for sure that this “plan” will redeem me from the chinese meal-a-palooza, 10 cups of buttered popcorn, 2 mixed drinks, 3 beers, and the late night gas station pizza slice I downed in a parking lot full of bar patrons. But I’m okay with it all for now.

I might be freaking out in a week or two if I never recover from this, but I am banking on the odds being with me. Fingers and toes crossed!

weight loss gain




Not as good as I hoped but still met my modest goal:


That is 5 pounds for the month, but get this… 8 inches overall gone in one month! So that’s positive right? I wish it was all in my waistline, but the majority of it was between my neck and my thighs so it all works out eventually, I guess. πŸ™‚

I haven’t really been exercising much but I am starting to walk a bit. And we are getting ready to remodel the living room, so I hope that will burn off some fat. Of course, last year, I redid my entire rental property almost entirely alone until the end and I didn’t lose a damn thing! :/ Since this remodel is more for pleasure than necessity, I am hoping the weight loss will come with it.

Stress continues to make me appear pregnant. I am really having a hard time getting 8 hours of sleep in. In fact, I have not once gotten 8 hours in. I usually log 4-5 hours tops. Once in a blue moon, I will hit 6-7 hours. I have read that this is a major factor in belly weight. I really need to figure out how to make myself sleep longer!

I have tried melatonin 10mg and it really did nothing for me. I am scared to try anything stronger because I need to wake up and be alert pretty quickly. My husband occasionally takes sleep aids to catch up on sleep (he’s a third shifter) and he told me that it often takes him much longer to fully wake up after taking those.

I hear conflicting reports about exercising before bed. Most people say that energizes them and wakes them up. When I have exercised in the past, I am usually dead ass tired after. I thought maybe doing my walks (which I could turn into turtle paced jogs eventually) before bed may exhaust me to the point of being able to fall asleep right away and stay asleep.

I do think I have sleep apnea. However, my deductible on my health insurance is $1000. I don’t have that. So a medically supervised sleep study is absolutely not within reach right now. 😦

So, yeah… that’s about where I am at right now. Nothing exciting to report.

Some people have sent me comments requesting me to regularly post meal plans. I am kind of an irregular type of person so I don’t know about doing it “regularly” but I will try to remember to do it when I post a new menu on my frig. Here’s my current one:

Sorry it’s such a horrible picture… I took it with my cell phone. But you get the idea. I have a few “emergency” snacks, which I use VERY sparingly. For example, the Russell Stover Toffee Squares I have maybe one or two squares a week. A full serving is 3. I eat 1/4 C. of pecans maybe once every 2 weeks, if that. I haven’t even had one of the Atkins shakes yet but they are in my frig and have been for a month now. The quesadillas will be limited because the tortilla has 9 gross and 4 net carbs… I am just trying to find a way to get rid of the package at this point…

I have had a lot of traffic on the blog lately so I have had a lot of newcomers ask why their comments don’t show up on my posts. I am pretty active in a couple of online communities and have a mirror post in one of those communities. I don’t spend an enormous amount of time online like I used to. Going through every comment was very tedious at one point. And some of my online friends are high maintenance (cough *nate* cough) so they like to comment. Alot.

All of that to just say… I’m fucking lazy. There it is, folks. I don’t approve posts because I am lazy. But I will try to stop being lazy. I tell you what… I will approve posts that I think are good and relevant (most of you newcomers are fine!). If they are comments touting your new and improved diet plan, your comment is OUT! If you are an EPer and you already made the comment on the mirror blog, I will not reapprove it here… If you are just being a pest and using excessive exclamation points and capital letters (cough *nate* cough), then I will NEVER approve your comment. Period. Because you are annoying. I love you but you’re annoying.

Also, I post about my personal internal struggles here, and people relate to that alot and send me comments detailing their own personal struggles. I probably won’t approve those comments. It’s not that I don’t love hearing from you, because I do. Please do NOT stop doing that! But, I really feel that there are many who give me a very intimate piece of their lives sometimes and I don’t know if you really want that on blast here. If you don’t care, tell me that and I’ll approve it, but otherwise, it will remain between you and me. Pinky promise! πŸ˜‰

I’ll end my post with a recipe. I have sausage gravy and english muffins on my list above. I love sausage gravy and biscuits! I mean, really… who doesn’t? I’m not real trusting of all those almond flour biscuit recipes because there’s like a shit ton of almonds in one cup of almond flour. So I finally found an acceptable substitute using coconut flour in a Muffin-in-a-minute recipe modified from the recipe by Stacey at Here’s my version:


Instructions: Basically, dump it all in a PAM sprayed coffee mug (I just used a standard size mug) and nuke in the microwave for 1 minute. Mine turns out perfect but you may need to adjust the time depending on the power of your microwave. When it’s done, turn the mug upside down on a plate and it usually just slides right on out. I usually let it cool a bit that way. Then, cut in half and pan fry on each side. Perfecto!

My version is not nearly as sweet as other versions. I wanted a more savory muffin. And, although it looks eggy, it did not taste eggy. So don’t be scared! It tastes good! It’s not a real english muffin. It’s more dense. But it was perfect for this recipe. And only 2 NET CARBS!

Now, for the gravy:

Brown your crumbled up pork sausage in a regular old skillet over medium to medium high heat. Drain off all but 2 teaspoons of sausage grease (you’ll have to eyeball this, I guess). Once browned, sprinkle in the coconut flour and stir well to coat all the sausage pieces and soaf up some of the grease. Add the 1/2 cup of water and the dash or two of Worcestershire Sauce. Now add the 1/2 cup of heavy whipping cream (that’s what 8 tablespoons is…). Heat over medium heat well. Once heated through, sprinkle the Xanthan Gum in 1/4 teaspoon at a time (I ended up using a full teaspoon) until thickened. It will take a minute or two for it to thicken up. I like mine pretty thick. If it gets too thick for you, just add a little water to thin it out a bit. Stir it up well so the fats don’t separate. Load 1/2 of the pan contents onto the awesome 2 slices of pan toasted muffin. Only 3 NET CARBS! MMM HMMMM!


So seriously awesome!

Disclosure: This is a high fat, high calorie meal at 701 calories and 63 grams of fat. However, it is what I would consider moderate protein depending on the sausage you use (17 grams total protein) and only 5 NET CARBS! Winner, winner, sausage gravy and biscuit dinner!




Not too shabby for this fat chick, eh? I am pretty satisfied. I mean, I wish it was like 100 pounds but whatev…Β  πŸ™‚

I actually think it would have been slightly more, but remember how I decided to stop drinking caffeine? Yeah, that didn’t work out so well. I actually GAINED 2 pounds that first week. After some research and constant bitching over at EP, I found out that caffeine is generally a diuretic… And when you stop drinking caffeine, your body… MY stupid freaking body… retains water.


So I stopped that. πŸ˜† I mean, the benefits of continuing to drink coffee way outweigh the risks. For me anyway. Maybe I’ll try again when I am at goal weight but not right now. Besides, decaf coffee SUUUUUUCKS!!!

So, anyway, I am super excited that I have lost so much weight. I have no illusions that I will continue to lose more than 10 pounds a month. My goal is 4 pounds a month. Anything over that is gravy. Low carb gravy…

Oh! And another thing I realized during my no caffeine week was that my efforts to increase my carbs caused me to not get enough fat in, which may have contributed to not losing any weight that week. As a result, I wasn’t even eating 1500 calories. It’s funny, because you’d think I would lose weight by eating less calories. that is NOT the case, though, when your body hates you. Nope.

So, I upped my fat, started drinking coffee again, and increased my calories to 1600-1700 a day. And the 2 pounds I gained turned into 3 pounds lost! I’m okay with that. πŸ˜‰

I know (because I have been told 100 times by the militant bitches in the Facebook groups over and over and over again) that I am not supposed to be counting calories on LCHF, but um… FUCK OFF! I know my super catty, overly frumpy, control freak body better than anyone else. It needs calorie restriction. I cannot lose weight by eating 3000 calories a day. Bitches.


In fact, I have had it with all these internet people who like to tell you how you should live. I imagine they are all homebound and lonely and have nothing better to do than to try to instigate bullshit all day. Back in the day, I was always up for a good fight. Now, at 40ish, I have no patience at all. I do not have time to explain to you why you are ignorant or why your peers that you are defending are ignorant. Seriously. I have way better things to do in my life… carry on telling everyone else how to live… and stay the hell away from me.

I had two instances where people tried to provoke me into arguments on Facebook this week. I didn’t bite. I thought about it. And then I decided I needed to paint my toenails. Priorities, people! Priorities! πŸ˜€

I haven’t weighed myself in a couple of days but I hope it’s positive… or rather, NEGATIVE. πŸ˜† I ate a shit ton of creamed spinach this week. I don’t even like spinach a whole lot but the taste is addictive!


Okay, it’s not the best picture in the world… it is what it is… here’s the recipe for the spinach:


Items in this meal Calories Protein Fat Carbs Fiber Sugar
New Star – Classic Spinach – Raw, 140.3 g (1 1/2 cups) 33 3 0 5 3 0
Onions – Raw, 20 g 8 0 0 2 0 1
Centrella – Grated Parmesan Cheese, 0.8 Tb (5g) 15 2 1 0 0 0
Spices – Garlic powder, 0.5 tsp 5 0 0 1 0 0
Philadelphia Cream Cheese – Original, 2 oz 200 4 18 2 0 0
Butter – Unsalted, 3 tbsp 305 0 35 0 0 0

(Well, that table just looks horrific… HELP!)

Keep in mind that I used 3 Tablespoons of butter because I needed to up my fat. You could use one tablespoon. Or use a different fat like Olive Oil or Coconut Oil. Whatever. It’s totally adjustable. And it’s filling. And super rich and decadent. Mmmm! πŸ˜€

And before some jack off comes around here bitching at the measurements… I use a digital scale and weigh everything I can. I am super anal and a chronic perfectionist. Measurements are not always the same for every person doing the measuring in a cup. For example, it says the 140 grams of spinach was only 1 1/2 cups. I’m telling you…. no. It was way more than 1 1/2 cups. Grams don’t lie. That’s the way I roll. There are a million recipes out there for Creamed Spinach. Go find one of the other ones if you hate my measurements.Β  πŸ˜›

The totals for the recipe above, as is: 566 Calories, 9 grams of protein, 54 grams of fat, 10 total carbs, 3 fiber, (7 Net carbs), 1 sugar. You can make several changes to alter for various reasons. Taking the onion out saves 2 carbs and 1 sugar, for example.

Okay, so there is my two month weigh in post. If anyone here is using Myfitnesspal, feel free to friend me. My user name is reneeroling. I need friends there… because just like in real life, I am a loner there too. 😐


Okay, so I am a slacker… I totally started a post at the one month mark and never finished it… My bad.

So, 1 month and 11 days into Low Carb High Fat, I am down 18 pounds! Not bad, not bad… I have done worse in my lifetime, by far… πŸ™‚

Part of the reason I have been slacking on the blog end is because I have been learning so much about my own personal nutritional needs and tweaking as I go along. It seems like every year that I get older, I am having a harder time losing weight consistently, so tweaking is more necessary.


What I have discovered is that I need no help to be Low Carb High Fat (LCHF). I am naturally inclined to be that way, as is. I meet all my goals easily for 5% carbs, 20% protein, and 75% fat without resorting to all the special tricks other people are saying they have to do. My problem was that I was meeting those goals by like 3pm everyday! So then I would be starving!

The “veterans” on the LCHF groups and forums were of no help in my predicament. They would basically say I was eating too much. But I was starving. Like, literally, stomach growling starving. Apparently, I am just a gluttonous pig. 😐 Bitches.

So, anyway, they were of no help at all. I had to figure this out all by myself. I want to post my tweaks here, in case anyone else has the same troubles I did. Maybe they will give you some ideas on how to adapt the low carb thing to your advantage…

First of all, let me tell you, my protein limit is around 75g a day. I say “around” because I want it to be lower but I still sometimes get higher. Now, 3 ounces of chicken breast is 27g of protein. Do you KNOW how little a 3 oz. piece of chicken breast is???? It’s ridiculously small! One Butterball Turkey Burger is 31g! And that is just the meat! If you eat dairy (like 1 oz of cheese on the damn burger) and even some vegetables, those also have some protein. WTF? It adds up VERY quick.

If you are trying to maintain 10-20g of carbs total, and trying to watch calories because you are older or have health issues and can’t lose weight if you go too high on the calorie scale, and you are going way over on the protein, and you are STARVING, then maybe my trick will help. What I did was decide to increase my carbs (scary, right?), but my goal is nowΒ  20-25 NET carbs. Net carbs are the total carb grams minus the fiber grams. I also try to keep the gross carbs below 35 but I’m not super obsessed about the gross. I still try to aim for 1500 calories a day.

This trick has really opened my menu up. I am now able to add in so many more vegetables, which bulks up the amount of food I can eat. Plus, all the veggies really help with constipation, which can be a killer on the low carb diet. I also have been researching lower protein sources — meat that isn’t as hefty in protein grams per serving size.


While, my rule for myself is 20-25 net grams of carbs a day, I will have days when it’s like 15 grams net for the day. And that’s great and makes up for the higher carb days. I hope it keeps my body guessing and not sure what to do with itself but keep WHOOSHING my fat out. πŸ˜€

I want to also make a point to say that you MAY not need to tweak your fat level. I didn’t. I tried it and was eating like 200 grams of fat a day! That’s 1800 calories of fat alone! Since I am trying to keep my calories around 1500 a day, that was not something I could keep doing. I just wasn’t able to lose any weight that way. Besides, I get more than enough fat by cooking everything in butter, olive oil, or coconut oil.

When you look on the internet and in the forums and groups, people are always talking about Fat Bombs (low carb, low protein, high fat sweets usually) and BPC/Bullet proof Coffee (coffee with butter, coconut oil, and/or heavy cream). I make Fat Bombs, but not for the fat. I basically use them to avoid going to the gas station and buying a whole case of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.

And, I completely cut out the “BPC”. Coffee with butter actually tastes pretty effing awesome, but I just didn’t need the fat and calories. Lots of people do the BPC in place of breakfast and sometimes even lunch. I am unable to do that. My body SCREAMS for food if I even attempt to skip a meal. When I was younger, I skipped meals all the time when I was dieting. No can do now. 😦

I do still drink coffee. I am trying to switch to decaf right now in an attempt to lower my cortisol levels, but I do still drink it. My current morning coffee is 16 oz. of coffee, 1/2 tablespoon of Torani’s Sugar Free Vanilla Syrup, 6-7 drops of Stevia clear liquid, 1-2 Tablespoons of heavy cream, and a dash of cinnamon. HEAVEN!


My new trick this week has been to start a water regimen. I absolutely hate water. I don’t know why. It’s just bland and blah. People are always harping on you in every freaking forum and group about drinking a gallon of water a day. Are you shitting me? 😯 There is no way I could do a gallon.

Currently, I am choking down 4-6 glasses of water a day. I hope to be able to work up to 8 but I am not real hopeful. I drink a glass of caffeine free diet pepsi or diet sunkist with heavy cream once a day as well. I think the water thing is important, though, so I hope it keeps the weight coming off for me.

Some have sent me messages or left comments on my last post about a daily menu. I have to have a super varied menu or I will not be successful losing weight so my daily meals vary by alot. I just completed a large week of stocking up at various grocery stores (one of the crappy parts of living in a dinky ass town). When I do that, I post a list of treats and meals on the frig so I don’t freak the hell out every night after work since my brain is fried by then. (I did this before dieting… it’s my way of being super anal and controlling… of myself.) πŸ˜›


Yes, that is my actual menu. Yes, it is going on my frig. Yes, I realize my handwriting is not the best here… quitcherbitchen! I figure this is about two weeks of meals. We don’t eat out often at all. Maybe once a month. Having necessary food stuffs at home is a key component for me to stay on track.

Anyway, I hope this menu gives you some ideas. I also hope I answered a few questions for people that asked. I am fully 100% committed to doing this for a lifetime and I don’t mind figuring things out along the way. πŸ˜‰

Next up is supplements. I currently take Magnesium at night. I have also been using sea salt regularly. I bought green coffee bean extract and raspberry ketones because they were on sale at Walgreens last week. I have not started my research on this at all yet. What should I take for optimal weight loss? And the first person that emails me some shit about advocare or xenadrine is going to have a voodoo curse put on them. (I don’t practice voodoo but I know a guy…) 😐

I want all natural, proven with studies, worth me paying for supplements… I need help with weight loss, stress (big time), sleep, and painting my house. Please and thank you!


Well, I stepped on the scale for the first time in forever and I have to say… I am extremely ashamed of myself. In the last 3 years, I have gained 40 pounds. It’s fucking ridiculous… I am ridiculous.


I’m not stupid. I knew I had gained. I just didn’t think it was that much. 😦

So, February 2nd is my starting day again. I had planned on starting again anyway but now I am super motivated. My husband does NOT deserve to have a fat ass wife. He is super hot and he deserves at least a semi hot wife.

And, don’t give me all that bullshit about “doing it for yourself” as if that is the only way to do it “right”. Fuck you. I don’t believe that. My motivation is that I love my husband and he took a huge chance on me as I am NOT his body type at all and I am failing him. I love him dearly. He deserves so much more. My baby son also deserves a mom who can actually run and play with him, who he isn’t embarrassed to be seen with, and who will live to see him graduate and get married. If I had it my way, I would just be a smoking whale watching reality TV shows on the television all damn day… I really could care less about impressing myself… it’s the people in my life that I love who I need to do this for.

So, I have been cooking all damn night. Right now, the master plan is to get started back on Low Carb High Fat until I can switch to a ketosis stage where my hunger finally subsides. I did a trial run this morning and failed miserably… thus the marathon cooking and prep day.


So, my new arsenal of items includes:

Turkey burgers
Hamburger and Cabbage Fry
Salmon Burgers
Meatloaf (made with only egg, parmesan, and a little coconut flour)
Some baked chicken thighs
Chicken salad
Tuna Salad
Hard Boiled Eggs
Pickle and Ham wraps

That should be good , right? Then why does it look so ick to me right now? πŸ˜† I need to just keep that “40 pounds” in my mind right now. I have to lose 40 pounds just to get to where I was when I started dating Andrew… Fuck me.

I currently have my Bodymedia Fit Advantage charging… I hope it still works… so far it hasn’t turned on but I think that’s because the battery was fully drained. I actually can’t wait to wear it again. It’s a constant reminder that I should be eating well and not being a dumbass. πŸ˜†


If anyone would like to join me this time around, I welcome the company. I looked over at the old EP groups and I don’t know anyone participating right now. I am a lurker on a lot of the Low Carb groups on Facebook but a lot of those people are militant and bossy. I might get in trouble with those people. πŸ˜• So, those of you who know me well are more than welcome to join me… Well, everyone but Nate. Nate cheats. And, he’s male so he can cheat which just pisses me off even more… all this despite the fact that my balls are bigger than his. *sigh*


Side note: I want to thank everyone who submitted comments and sent me messages or emails in the last 30 days or so… You have brightened my outlook on so many things. It seems that everyone these days has dysfunctional families so I am no exception.Β I cannot believe how many people areΒ in so much emotional anguish and no longer are able to speak with their closest family members. It’s very sad, yet comforting to know I am not alone.

I have been empowered by your stories and now see how I can sustain my own values and thrive despite not having a “parental authority” who feels the same. I know now that I am the one. I am the strength. I will be the example for my own children. And that is all I can do now… talking to someone who isn’t listening and does not care is just causing more pain and suffering than I can handle. And stress just makes you fatter… like I need that shit! πŸ˜‰

Also, to everyone who brought perspective to my tenant and friend situations, especially Nate, Brenda, and Sharon… 100 times thank you! I have calmed down a bit so I have a better, more positive perspective of the situations at hand. Sometimes, good people can go mad and insane temporarily and put themselves in really shitty positions that they have a hard time navigating out of. I think it’s better to stay out of those situations now instead of trying to reason with them because they start showing you a side of them that you probably don’t want to know.

I’m going to give my tenants time to sort through their own personal shit. If they decide to continue to be white trash, then that will become apparent and they will probably exit themselves from my life on their own so there is no reason for me to intervene. I tried to reach out to my divorcing ex-BFF and she is still clammy. That’s okay. Her choice. She can live with it.

I am going to answer my other ex-BFF soon, just haven’t had the time… it helped to hear stories from some of you other Bipolar 1’s out there. I like that so many of you had compassion for your friends and family members that had to live through your experiences. It helped to hear your perspectives on that. So thank you so much for sharing. I know that isn’t easy, especially since none of you that contacted meΒ know me personally… I’m very grateful.

That all being said…