Archive for the ‘Patience is a Virtue’ Category

22.4 POUNDS GONE!!!

 

Not too shabby for this fat chick, eh? I am pretty satisfied. I mean, I wish it was like 100 pounds but whatev…  🙂

I actually think it would have been slightly more, but remember how I decided to stop drinking caffeine? Yeah, that didn’t work out so well. I actually GAINED 2 pounds that first week. After some research and constant bitching over at EP, I found out that caffeine is generally a diuretic… And when you stop drinking caffeine, your body… MY stupid freaking body… retains water.

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So I stopped that. 😆 I mean, the benefits of continuing to drink coffee way outweigh the risks. For me anyway. Maybe I’ll try again when I am at goal weight but not right now. Besides, decaf coffee SUUUUUUCKS!!!

So, anyway, I am super excited that I have lost so much weight. I have no illusions that I will continue to lose more than 10 pounds a month. My goal is 4 pounds a month. Anything over that is gravy. Low carb gravy…

Oh! And another thing I realized during my no caffeine week was that my efforts to increase my carbs caused me to not get enough fat in, which may have contributed to not losing any weight that week. As a result, I wasn’t even eating 1500 calories. It’s funny, because you’d think I would lose weight by eating less calories. that is NOT the case, though, when your body hates you. Nope.

So, I upped my fat, started drinking coffee again, and increased my calories to 1600-1700 a day. And the 2 pounds I gained turned into 3 pounds lost! I’m okay with that. 😉

I know (because I have been told 100 times by the militant bitches in the Facebook groups over and over and over again) that I am not supposed to be counting calories on LCHF, but um… FUCK OFF! I know my super catty, overly frumpy, control freak body better than anyone else. It needs calorie restriction. I cannot lose weight by eating 3000 calories a day. Bitches.

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In fact, I have had it with all these internet people who like to tell you how you should live. I imagine they are all homebound and lonely and have nothing better to do than to try to instigate bullshit all day. Back in the day, I was always up for a good fight. Now, at 40ish, I have no patience at all. I do not have time to explain to you why you are ignorant or why your peers that you are defending are ignorant. Seriously. I have way better things to do in my life… carry on telling everyone else how to live… and stay the hell away from me.

I had two instances where people tried to provoke me into arguments on Facebook this week. I didn’t bite. I thought about it. And then I decided I needed to paint my toenails. Priorities, people! Priorities! 😀

I haven’t weighed myself in a couple of days but I hope it’s positive… or rather, NEGATIVE. 😆 I ate a shit ton of creamed spinach this week. I don’t even like spinach a whole lot but the taste is addictive!

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Okay, it’s not the best picture in the world… it is what it is… here’s the recipe for the spinach:

CREAMED SPINACH

Items in this meal Calories Protein Fat Carbs Fiber Sugar
New Star – Classic Spinach – Raw, 140.3 g (1 1/2 cups) 33 3 0 5 3 0
Onions – Raw, 20 g 8 0 0 2 0 1
Centrella – Grated Parmesan Cheese, 0.8 Tb (5g) 15 2 1 0 0 0
Spices – Garlic powder, 0.5 tsp 5 0 0 1 0 0
Philadelphia Cream Cheese – Original, 2 oz 200 4 18 2 0 0
Butter – Unsalted, 3 tbsp 305 0 35 0 0 0

(Well, that table just looks horrific… HELP!)

Keep in mind that I used 3 Tablespoons of butter because I needed to up my fat. You could use one tablespoon. Or use a different fat like Olive Oil or Coconut Oil. Whatever. It’s totally adjustable. And it’s filling. And super rich and decadent. Mmmm! 😀

And before some jack off comes around here bitching at the measurements… I use a digital scale and weigh everything I can. I am super anal and a chronic perfectionist. Measurements are not always the same for every person doing the measuring in a cup. For example, it says the 140 grams of spinach was only 1 1/2 cups. I’m telling you…. no. It was way more than 1 1/2 cups. Grams don’t lie. That’s the way I roll. There are a million recipes out there for Creamed Spinach. Go find one of the other ones if you hate my measurements.  😛

The totals for the recipe above, as is: 566 Calories, 9 grams of protein, 54 grams of fat, 10 total carbs, 3 fiber, (7 Net carbs), 1 sugar. You can make several changes to alter for various reasons. Taking the onion out saves 2 carbs and 1 sugar, for example.

Okay, so there is my two month weigh in post. If anyone here is using Myfitnesspal, feel free to friend me. My user name is reneeroling. I need friends there… because just like in real life, I am a loner there too. 😐

PEACE!!!

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Okay, so I am a slacker… I totally started a post at the one month mark and never finished it… My bad.

So, 1 month and 11 days into Low Carb High Fat, I am down 18 pounds! Not bad, not bad… I have done worse in my lifetime, by far… 🙂

Part of the reason I have been slacking on the blog end is because I have been learning so much about my own personal nutritional needs and tweaking as I go along. It seems like every year that I get older, I am having a harder time losing weight consistently, so tweaking is more necessary.

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What I have discovered is that I need no help to be Low Carb High Fat (LCHF). I am naturally inclined to be that way, as is. I meet all my goals easily for 5% carbs, 20% protein, and 75% fat without resorting to all the special tricks other people are saying they have to do. My problem was that I was meeting those goals by like 3pm everyday! So then I would be starving!

The “veterans” on the LCHF groups and forums were of no help in my predicament. They would basically say I was eating too much. But I was starving. Like, literally, stomach growling starving. Apparently, I am just a gluttonous pig. 😐 Bitches.

So, anyway, they were of no help at all. I had to figure this out all by myself. I want to post my tweaks here, in case anyone else has the same troubles I did. Maybe they will give you some ideas on how to adapt the low carb thing to your advantage…

First of all, let me tell you, my protein limit is around 75g a day. I say “around” because I want it to be lower but I still sometimes get higher. Now, 3 ounces of chicken breast is 27g of protein. Do you KNOW how little a 3 oz. piece of chicken breast is???? It’s ridiculously small! One Butterball Turkey Burger is 31g! And that is just the meat! If you eat dairy (like 1 oz of cheese on the damn burger) and even some vegetables, those also have some protein. WTF? It adds up VERY quick.

If you are trying to maintain 10-20g of carbs total, and trying to watch calories because you are older or have health issues and can’t lose weight if you go too high on the calorie scale, and you are going way over on the protein, and you are STARVING, then maybe my trick will help. What I did was decide to increase my carbs (scary, right?), but my goal is now  20-25 NET carbs. Net carbs are the total carb grams minus the fiber grams. I also try to keep the gross carbs below 35 but I’m not super obsessed about the gross. I still try to aim for 1500 calories a day.

This trick has really opened my menu up. I am now able to add in so many more vegetables, which bulks up the amount of food I can eat. Plus, all the veggies really help with constipation, which can be a killer on the low carb diet. I also have been researching lower protein sources — meat that isn’t as hefty in protein grams per serving size.

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While, my rule for myself is 20-25 net grams of carbs a day, I will have days when it’s like 15 grams net for the day. And that’s great and makes up for the higher carb days. I hope it keeps my body guessing and not sure what to do with itself but keep WHOOSHING my fat out. 😀

I want to also make a point to say that you MAY not need to tweak your fat level. I didn’t. I tried it and was eating like 200 grams of fat a day! That’s 1800 calories of fat alone! Since I am trying to keep my calories around 1500 a day, that was not something I could keep doing. I just wasn’t able to lose any weight that way. Besides, I get more than enough fat by cooking everything in butter, olive oil, or coconut oil.

When you look on the internet and in the forums and groups, people are always talking about Fat Bombs (low carb, low protein, high fat sweets usually) and BPC/Bullet proof Coffee (coffee with butter, coconut oil, and/or heavy cream). I make Fat Bombs, but not for the fat. I basically use them to avoid going to the gas station and buying a whole case of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.

And, I completely cut out the “BPC”. Coffee with butter actually tastes pretty effing awesome, but I just didn’t need the fat and calories. Lots of people do the BPC in place of breakfast and sometimes even lunch. I am unable to do that. My body SCREAMS for food if I even attempt to skip a meal. When I was younger, I skipped meals all the time when I was dieting. No can do now. 😦

I do still drink coffee. I am trying to switch to decaf right now in an attempt to lower my cortisol levels, but I do still drink it. My current morning coffee is 16 oz. of coffee, 1/2 tablespoon of Torani’s Sugar Free Vanilla Syrup, 6-7 drops of Stevia clear liquid, 1-2 Tablespoons of heavy cream, and a dash of cinnamon. HEAVEN!

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My new trick this week has been to start a water regimen. I absolutely hate water. I don’t know why. It’s just bland and blah. People are always harping on you in every freaking forum and group about drinking a gallon of water a day. Are you shitting me? 😯 There is no way I could do a gallon.

Currently, I am choking down 4-6 glasses of water a day. I hope to be able to work up to 8 but I am not real hopeful. I drink a glass of caffeine free diet pepsi or diet sunkist with heavy cream once a day as well. I think the water thing is important, though, so I hope it keeps the weight coming off for me.

Some have sent me messages or left comments on my last post about a daily menu. I have to have a super varied menu or I will not be successful losing weight so my daily meals vary by alot. I just completed a large week of stocking up at various grocery stores (one of the crappy parts of living in a dinky ass town). When I do that, I post a list of treats and meals on the frig so I don’t freak the hell out every night after work since my brain is fried by then. (I did this before dieting… it’s my way of being super anal and controlling… of myself.) 😛

LCHF Menu

Yes, that is my actual menu. Yes, it is going on my frig. Yes, I realize my handwriting is not the best here… quitcherbitchen! I figure this is about two weeks of meals. We don’t eat out often at all. Maybe once a month. Having necessary food stuffs at home is a key component for me to stay on track.

Anyway, I hope this menu gives you some ideas. I also hope I answered a few questions for people that asked. I am fully 100% committed to doing this for a lifetime and I don’t mind figuring things out along the way. 😉

Next up is supplements. I currently take Magnesium at night. I have also been using sea salt regularly. I bought green coffee bean extract and raspberry ketones because they were on sale at Walgreens last week. I have not started my research on this at all yet. What should I take for optimal weight loss? And the first person that emails me some shit about advocare or xenadrine is going to have a voodoo curse put on them. (I don’t practice voodoo but I know a guy…) 😐

I want all natural, proven with studies, worth me paying for supplements… I need help with weight loss, stress (big time), sleep, and painting my house. Please and thank you!

PEACE!!!

So I started low carbing again on February 2nd. It’s been two weeks. I told myself that I would give myself about one month to pull myself together to make any adjustments and whatnot.

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Using the basic principles of low carb, high fat, I have lost…

(Drum Roll, Please…)

13.8 pounds!

Not too shabby. I’m not overly excited. I lost 12 pounds the first week, which was probably a shit ton of water weight. I didn’t lose anything this week until I upped my fat intake and lowered my protein intake and now I am finally down the 1.8 pounds this week. I am hoping this week goes better than that.

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I’m not trying to lose weight super quick but who the hell doesn’t like to see two pounds a week gone? I mean, honestly… I wish I could do that all the time. But I know it just is not realistic for me so I am not planning on counting on it.

In past years, I would always aim for a 30 pound weight loss per year. I did that for 2 years in a row. Then I got all happy and snuggly and pregnant and married. I know, right? WTF was I thinking?

Well, it has just crept right the hell back up there… 😡 So, now I am back at it… and am overly anxious to just get to the point I was when I started dating my husband again. Which was still morbidly obese but better than where I am at now!

I will say that I was taken aback by the weight loss I have had. I don’t know how much your body stores of water or where it stores it at but I wear a Bodymedia armband and it fell off one morning when I got out of bed. When I put it back on, it fell right off again. I finally figured out that I had to tighten it because it was too big at the adjustment I had it at. That was a good feeling… 😀

Right now, my goal is just to get back to the dating weight. Then my goal will be to hit the mark that my driver’s license says. Then, my goal will be to get one pound under the weight I was as a high school senior. I was heavier than your average teenager but I was fucking HAWT back in the day… from there, I will have to make some decisions…

Look at those legs! Sex-ay!

I haven’t really said much to anyone in real life about doing this. My grandmother-in-law knows and tells me to eat fruits and vegetables please… And my husband knows but acts like he doesn’t and keeps eating all of my “diet” food…He’s going to be disappointed this week because I bought a bunch of salad stuff. 😆

I suddenly see I have a whole group of friends and acquaintances that are all undergoing bariatric surgery. That is so discouraging to me. My insurance company sucks and my maximum out of pocket costs are high. I can’t afford to take $5000 from my budget to pay for a surgery that would force me to eat low carb! *sigh*

Aaaanywaaayy…

The big news on the home front is that my daughter’s new boyfriend, who we thought was great, dumped her. 😦 Then, we found out he was basically controlling her and being manipulative, passive aggressive, and just plain nutso. She was so heart broken. And the asshole kept posting pictures of him and the girl he had dumped her for and saying how beautiful the girl was. And then his family members liked all the posts. How low class on all of their parts.

Chelsea did nothing wrong. She did whatever he asked. She changed anything she could about herself. She felt his family really liked her. They must have… they added her to their I-Pass account so she could visit anytime. In the process of all of this, she stopped talking to all her family and friends on a regular basis. She would clam up anytime anyone tried to find out anything about what was going on with her.

She was trying to be a perfect girlfriend… and he made her feel like she was always lacking. He never once posted a picture on his facebook of the two of them together. He was always cold and fake when around her family and friends. He was always cocky. He would always criticize Chelsea on the way she talked or her thought processes… things that we as her family loved about her…

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It has been a few days now and she has reconnected with friends. She is opening up more as she comes out of the fog and sees him for who he truly is. I am just hoping he stays away and gives her a chance to find someone better, someone normal, someone sane. She deserves that. He keeps trying to string her along… but I think she’s starting to realize he’s just a cowardly douchebag. Fingers crossed!

I spoke to my brother yesterday and found out he talks to my father once or twice a week. I haven’t heard from him since the last conversation I told you about… *sigh* It’s okay. I, like my daughter, am slowly coming out of the fog my mind created of the father figure I never had to really begin with. It will be okay.

I spent my Saturday trying to convert home VCR tapes that are 20 years old to DVD. They have to play while the DVD recorder records. So many happy, happy memories. I know some of them are somewhat tainted by the fact that my ex-husband was already cheating on me in some of them, but regardless, I still see happy, contented people in all the videos, including myself. 🙂 The kids were all so cute and innocent. There were videos of all my past and present family members and it made me remember how very much I loved that family. There was even one video taken before my mom ever got sick where she is joking around with me at my Grandmother’s in Oklahoma. I am so freaking grateful that we had that video camera!

Chelsea was here while I was watching the home videos. Andy stayed out of the room. I don’t think they make him uncomfortable but I’m sure seeing his wife’s former married life is not a number one priority for him. I am very blessed that he has never been crazy jealous about my past life. My prior boyfriend was and it is impossible to erase 20 years from your life so duh. (He was a freaking idiot.)

So, I am watching these with my daughter and she’s telling me about issues people have in advanced old age (CNA talk). Then she basically tells me that I need to be DNR (a “Do Not Resuscitate” order) if I am over 80… and that’s just how it is… I’m going to a home and it will be DNR if I have any health issues… because she is not going to allow me to be bed ridden with lesions and shitting myself. I don’t know whether to be grateful or pissed off.

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Chelsea can kiss my ass!

PEACE!

I’m just sitting around waiting for my husband to leave for work. 😦

Yes. He is working tonight. And tomorrow night. But, hey… you gotta do what you gotta do. Right?

Right now, my house is a hot mess but I don’t want to transform it until after he leaves. My plan is for him to walk in tomorrow morning and be so dazzled by the awesomeness of the house and soaked with holiday funness (is that even a word? It is now…) that he forgets all about his sorrows this season.

It’s hard to actually believe that just a few days ago we got into a huge fight about his participation as a “family” person. And by “huge fight”, I mean that he said something stupid, I got mad and said something snarky, and then I stomped off to bed. Then, we wake up the next day, he’s super nice to me, and we act like nothing happened… 😆

I feel bad now that I got so mad at him. He did a whole girl thing where he turned the argument around by bringing in a completely random subject that did not even belong there. I got frustrated and stomped off. Now I know how guys feel.

In reality, I now realize it was just a coping mechanism and a way to change the subject. He has been having some issues lately with how things have been going family wise and probably doesn’t really care to address it in any way. But, ya’ll know me… I face everything head on. I know… it’s a flaw. 😆

This blunt old me just needs to back up and let situations breathe, I guess. But it is so hard when you see a situation that will affect your son for the rest of his life. And, when you see your husband becoming resentful and angry, which really is just an underlying reaction to him being hurt. It’s hard to be silent.

And, of course, I wasn’t.

I don’t want my son growing up with a warped sense of family… I want him to know that sometimes you are the one who has to make the effort even when the other person could care less. It’s not about the other person. It’s about you as a person. I want him to understand that in this family… MY family… we MEAN SOMETHING to each other. And even if the effort is only once or twice a year, you should do it without fail. Because they are family and you love them unconditionally.

My husband had a mini temper tantrum the other day when I suggested that we go visit his brother who was next door visiting his grandmother. Like a big temper tantrum. He then went to his grandmother’s and acted like an asshole for the first 20 minutes. I called him on it later and that’s when he pulled the girl switcheroo. (I’m sorry, ladies, but you know you do it…)

I believe my husband has like 5 half siblings and 1 adopted sibling. He talks to none of them regularly. He’s kind of the odd man out. One group of siblings share a different father and the other half of the siblings share a different mother. They have those parents in common with each other and that seems to bond them much closer to each other than to my husband.

So my husband just stays on the edges… and he doesn’t engage them unless they engage him first. And, even then, he is cautious and guarded. If he feels in any way that he is being set on a path that will in any way harm him emotionally in the future, he will stop all communications and contact immediately.

This is all new to me. Even though I did not grow up with my brother, and we do not see each other but once or twice a year, I call him at least once a month and we can talk for hours on end. I truly love him unconditionally and I am interested in what is going on with him. I can not imagine not talking to him or seeing him for long periods of time.

But this is the norm in my husband’s family. It’s nothing to not see each other for extended periods of time. It’s not strange to NOT have contact information for each other. It’s a regular thing to not disclose the well being of other siblings. It’s all twilight zoney.

See what I’m saying? So, it’s hard for me to not say something… And, I will never be able to say I am okay with it. And I don’t ever want my son to be okay with it. My kids will never be able to keep me out of their lives. My grandkids will always see me on a regular basis. I expect my children to stay in touch with each other all their lives and long after I am gone. And we WILL spend the holidays together… I don’t care who hates who at the moment…

Family is important. That’s what I want my son to know. I plan to be an example of that. As I told my husband, he knew from the get go that family is VERY important to me. If he wasn’t in this with me, then he definitely shouldn’t have married me. I am trouble! 😆

But, I know it’s hard for him. I know he doesn’t want to admit that it is hurtful out loud. And I push way to hard. So I need to chill and just understand that he needs some time to process some of the hurts… and he needs to understand that just because some of his family does not show him his value, that we — me, Sean, my children, etc. — WE value him in our lives and WE are his family and this is the VALUE that we are going to instill in our son. Period. He does not have the right to be a shitty family member just because others are that way.

That said, today, I just want to thank God for my family — the good and the bad. Every single member teaches me something about life and myself and my life would not be complete without them in my life. I certainly have family members that I never speak to and possibly never will again. I wish them nothing but love and hope I do cross paths with them again one day. For those members that are stuck with me… I love you more than I could ever express in words…

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Merry Christmas!

Well, Mother’s Day wasn’t totally a bust, My daughter brought me a nice gift involving chocolate and strawberries (no way to fail there, eh?). I spent lunch with my husband’s grandmother,father, and uncle. It was nice and uneventful. That was it.

Yep.

So later in the day, I mentioned to my husband that he never said Happy Mother’s Day to me. He just kind of huffed about it.

😯

Really? How quickly men forget. As if me enduring the most painful pregnancy in my life and producing the funniest, cutest, smartest son ever was not worthy of being appreciated… 🙄

What.the.F.ever.

I’m over it now… but my birthday is in 2 weeks, and so help me, God… he had better not screw that up. Seriously. He dodged this bullet, but if he fucks up my birthday, he’s going to regret it horribly. (See how nice I am saying that? Double brownie points, Nate!)

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I really haven’t been doing anything on the weight loss front. I haven’t gained anything but I haven’t really lost anything either. I have just been kinda BLAH about it all. I know I need to get my shit together and start at it again. I just don’t feel too motivated right now…

I think logging every single morsel of food I ate was very tedious and such a pain in my ass. I am considering doing extreme low carb/induction for a 30 day stretch just so I can forgo food logging and just worry about carb counts. It’s more my way of switching things up due to boredom.

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I think my body truly just hates losing weight. It likes being a fat ass. It hangs on to every single ounce. I have played around with different calorie counts. I started doing some walking. I tried working out every night before bed. But, truly, the only thing I found out about myself is that my body won’t lose weight unless I go down to 1000 calories or less. In order to do that without feeling hungry, I need to make those calories more protein based. Which is my whole rationale for going extreme low carb.

I still haven’t decided yet… I know you guys will tell me to quit being crazy. It wouldn’t be a permanent thing… 30 days and then I would decide what to do next. I just need a change…

I have been trying to catch up on all the shows I love and have neglected. I just saw that Cochran won Survivor but I am still watching the season. Dammit.

Sexxxaaay Beast

Anyone here crass enough to fully enjoy Girls on HBO? This is my absolute favorite new show. I wish I had friendships that were that honest. I used to think I did. I didn’t… but I still aspire… Maybe someday…

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Did anyone see the last episode of The Office? I think it was titled “A.A.R.M”. There was a entire scene where Jim is telling Dwight to quit being a pussy and go marry Angela. At the same time, Pam is in the break room watching a video that shows how Jim cannot live without her. It was one of those magical TV moments… loved it!

I’ve been trying to catch up on Project Runway and Top Chef. Damn those stupid television networks (Lifetime and Bravo?) for not making these more readily available and charging me way too much to watch them on Amazon/Vudu… they are either hard up for money or they are just being greedy bastards… *sigh*

I’m still trying to get my grilling skills up to par. I finally have steak grilling down… I did camping taters this weekend and Sean is a big fan of those. I cannot seem to grill chicken for life of me… any tips would be greatly appreciated… I hope to try fish soon but I need to research the best one to do. I also have some shrimp that may be begging for some garlic butter and a grill. 😉

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I know I am being kind of boring tonight… I just don’t have much to say… I am slightly worried I am in a depression right now, actually. :/ I’m hoping it’s just from working WAY too much. I am taking a few days off over the next couple of weeks and then taking a week off for my daughter’s birthday week in June. I am hoping to rejuvenate myself during those days off. I never thought I’d be one of those people whose job was so stressful that it killed them… but I think it is definitely that kind of job now… very sad. 😦

I think I actually have some much more entertaining posts “in the can” that i could possibly finish for you guys. I tend to start a blog post several times a week but I get side tracked with the work that pays me money and never get to finish any of them. I’ll have to look at that secret folder and see what’s stored there… so keep an eye out…

Or, better yet, DON’T keep an eye out… because then you won’t be expecting it and I won’t feel all sorts of pressure to post. Because, you know… you all don’t pay me anything except warm wishes and virtual hugs… which is nice but a little chintzy, don’tcha think? 😐

Okay, so no promises…

PEACE!!!

how absolutely perfect this post is…

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Oh, 1999… you sure did suck. 😛

😆

Hey, everyone! How’s it going? 😐

I’m calmer now. 😐

But my sentiment is the same. 😐

Thanks for everyone who left comments and emailed me and IM’d me. I appreciate the feedback. Ya’ll know me when I get on a tangent… I tend to be a wee bit over emotional. I’m not saying I was wrong… I’m just saying that my reaction was a bit over the top. I’m sorry if I freaked anyone out. Maybe.

And, I’m also sorry – in advance – for my current vocabulary choices. But I am in a “take no prisoners” mode right now. So… if you are easily offended by foul language, you should probably skeedaddle right out of here. I’m not apologizing twice! You were warned. 😐

So… 42 year old me has taken the mature high road on the current beef I have with my husband and let the matter go for the moment. BUT… I will NOT be letting it go the next time. Now that I have a clear head, I have fully thought through what my response to similar situations will be in the future. He should watch out. Seriously. I’m not taking one ounce of that shit ever again. Period.

I feel bad for the guy that he just cannot seem to get the concept that just because he has a different perspective than others that that does not mean the others are idiots. And by others I mean me. I have raised 2 children. They both have their flaws but I consider neither of them to be failures. And they are both good people deep down. They may not exhibit that all the time but who does? All the time… No one. And both of my oldest children are alive and well and have good hearts. And I am proud of that. I can see worse things than raising kids with good hearts. 🙂

In other words, this is not my first rodeo in parenting. It is HIS first rodeo, though… but you don’t see me rubbing that in his face. EVER.

So that’s all I have to say about that for now. I’m sure I will freak the fuck out when it happens next time and I’ll be a stark raving lunatic at that time. I would like to think that even though he failed miserably as a husband by not apologizing AT ALL that he still learned from the encounter and that he won’t repeat himself again. Unfortunately, his 43 years of bachelorhood make him especially hard headed and blind. I’m pretty sure he’s going to walk his ass right into this trap again and then… KABLAM!!!!!!!

Just sayin’…

So now is as good a time as any to fully admit to not starting my fucking diet as planned. But I went out and got the food for it and I am eating right most of the time. If I could just get back to doing it ALL the time, I would nail this. Unfortunately, I do good all week and then eat shitty all weekend. I lost 2 pounds last week. I gained it all back over the weekend. 🙄

Anyway… I am recommitting. I am finally settled in my new position and have a good groove going in that. It’s only about half as stressful as my previous position so that’s a plus. I bought a shitload of kale… to try those Kale Chips everyone keeps pinning over on Pinterest. And I bought a new massive cup to try to get all my fluid intake in… my usual downfall. If I could get a personal chef and a nanny, I could do this with my eyes closed… 😆

I have a theory that Andrew is embarrassed of how I look. I think I know this because he never takes pictures of me with Sean but he sure takes a shitload of himself with Sean. 🙄 I don’t think he would ever admit this to me, but I don’t plan on ever asking him, because with my excellent luck, he will tell me the truth and I will be devastated.

Look, I know your husband is supposed to love you no matter how you look and Andrew has known me overweight as hell from the beginning, BUT I am not a dumbass. (Did you not guess that already? This is my second post this week proclaiming my NOT being stupid… which obviously probably makes me stupid. But, I digress…)

I know guys SAY they love their wives no matter what but they are so lying. Most would love if you looked hot all the time. It has nothing to do with love. It’s ego. And their penises. Truth. 😐

So I need to get some of my hotness back. I admit, I have not felt hot for some time. I gained some weight. I got lazy. I have less time to take care of myself so I feel worse about myself. Putting make up on is such a chore. And I LIKE not wearing a bra and staying in my PJs for 3 days straight, because really… if you can’t do that, it takes all the fun out of “working from home”. I’m living the dream! 😆

So, I’m all in for the re-commitment. I know Terry, Lisa, and Brenda are starting a new diet challenge next week on EP so anyone from that group who wants to join us, make sure you sign up by Sunday evening. First challenge will be one week (As Nate says… “7 days, bitches!”) of clean eating and 30 minutes a day of working out. We are starting small because we are all pathetic losers who can’t even keep promises to ourselves. 😛

BUT… we love to commit to things. We are habitual commiters. And it’s the one thing we as a group do so very well. 😉

PEACE!!!