Archive for the ‘Stabbing People is Wrong.’ Category

So my blog has been alot more popular of late due to the weight loss posts… which means we have alot of new people coming in and lurking around.

And that’s fine! If you are new here, WELCOME! 🙂

However… WARNING:

New comers should be aware of several things about me so we can get along.

1. I swear. A LOT. 

2. I could really care less what you think of me. Judge away but I’m not losing sleep over your opinion of me.

3. I am not a private person. I live my life out loud and completely honestly every.single.day.

4. The people who really love and care for me know exactly who I am and they are the ONLY ones who matter to me.

5. I don’t run this blog for money or recognition. It’s my outlet for my own therapy. It’s like talking to myself without the chaos my mind sometimes clutters with.

Now… all that being said… I am sincerely going to try not to rant here but…

I have been blogging since 2005. It has not always been here on WordPress. The original started on Myspace. I run a mirror on EP. It started as some poetry, song lyrics, Sunday supper menus for family, thoughts on missing my mom who died from breast cancer, etc. It became my therapy when my then husband stopped taking his medications for his bipolar disorder and I began  to worry about woulda, coulda, shoulda…

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Since I began blogging, I have gone through a complete life transformation. I went through the disintegration of my almost 20 year marriage, the first major bipolar episode and many subsequent episodes of my oldest son, a nasty and very emotionally charged divorce, the loss of my entire family whom I love/loved dearly, an insanely ridiculous rebound relationship,  the loss of one of my best friends on earth, and the mental break down of my other best friend on earth. I also went through a horrible online dating stage and partying like a teenager stage.

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It hasn’t all been bad… Through all the storms, I have found someone who loves me for me and only me, had a beautiful new baby, had an amazing wedding, helped to navigate my daughter through two incredibly painful breakups, have seen my son begin to take control of his illness (which makes me super proud), pretty much single handedly remodeled half my house by myself, lost 60 pounds and then gained back almost 50 and have lost another 42 pounds this year.

I am a fighter… through and through… My story is MINE. I don’t give a shit if you don’t like how I have handled things. I could care less if you like me or not. I have many, many loyal readers who are dear friends of mine and have been with me the entire way. I value their opinions because they know the whole story. They don’t judge me by one post. They view it as the whole. And, no, they don’t always agree with me.

I’m okay with that. And, I will always be okay with you newcomers not agreeing with me, too. Everyone has an opinion. I get that. No problem. But, I’m not usually asking for your opinion…

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If you really just can’t help yourself and you simply MUST tell me your opinion, don’t come at me with your claws out. Especially based on one fucking post. You don’t know me or what I have been through in my life. Back the fuck off.

And, I’m only going to say this once… I will never repeat this again… Don’t you DARE tell me how I should feel or how I should handle myself as a family member or close friend of someone with mental illness. EVER. You have no right to tell me how I should feel.

YOU DON’T KNOW ME!!!!!!!!

The people I speak about in my blogs that have bipolar disorder are all fully aware and have said out loud to others that they have the disorder. It’s not a secret I am disclosing. I’m not here giving their names and addresses. I’m not breaching their trust in any way. All of them know and have known that I blog and speak out from a family member’s point of view on mental illness. The only person that would probably complain is my ex-husband but he is the LAST person on earth who can play the TRUST card with me.

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When it comes to mental illness, I believe that the supporting players — moms, dads, siblings, spouses, friends, etc. — are forgotten. There is so much damage control and stress and worrying that we all go through. The drama of what the actual person we love is going through is always the spotlight and the major focus. But the aftermath is where the supporting players come in.

I’m not saying that family members have it harder than the actual person with the mental illness. But it’s still extremely painful, heart wrenching, terrifyingly hard work to help someone who isn’t thinking rationally. It’s so emotionally draining. You feel alone in your quest because you don’t want to burden others. You have to make incredibly difficult decisions with no real guidance or guidelines that flat out guarantee you peace because there are no absolute no-fail answers. And there is definitely no one to ask.

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My (overly long winded) point is… As we deal with our mentally incapable family members and loved ones, we have fears and doubts about everything we do. And we generally suffer silently as a group out of embarrassment or despair or helplessness. We feel alone. We have thoughts that other people never have to consider. How do you plan for another person’s irrationality? I’m a planner. I make no apologies for my thoughts.

People from all over the world have messaged me or emailed me with stories of how they have dealt with the people who they dearly love but are afflicted with mental illness. I judge none of them. There is no right way or wrong way to care. It is what it is. We do the best we can that day. That’s all we can do.

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I will never judge any of you. When you message me your stories, I know you are doing the best that you can in that moment. Sometimes, it’s not our proudest moment in life but that’s okay…  and then wake up to do it all over again the next day. Day after day, month after month, year after year…

I have lived consciously with bipolar disorder in my family since the mid 1990’s. Don’t fucking tell me how I should feel or how I should act. Unless you have been here with me for the entire ride, you really don’t have enough information to judge me.

So, hopefully, I haven’t scared too many of the newcomers. I’m sorry if any of you are offended. But, it’s a blog… no one is forcing you to be here, or read this, or follow me. Move along if you don’t like me. No worries… doesn’t bother me one bit. No need to message me. People who feel compelled to message me seem to not understand that there is a clear difference between expressing your opinion and just being a rude ass bitch.

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Liesl can fucking bite me.

PEACE!!!

Don’t answer that. And don’t mess with me. I’m in a funk right now and might kill you with a dull spoon if you say anything cross-eyed.

So, I didn’t do an official weigh in this month yet because Aunt Flo came on the exact same day that I was scheduled to do that. Bitch. So now I am a bloaty whale. BLLLAAAAAHHHHHH!

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Seriously. I am having some issues this past month and the scale really hasn’t moved much. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me. It’s almost like I have been PMSing for a month straight. I constantly snack. I cry over the stupidest things. I get super pissed off about stupid shit. I feel depressed but I don’t really have much to be depressed over.

I wonder if this is the start of menopause… how long does that take? I mean, is it possible that I might end up in prison? Because if it takes too long, I will probably kill someone. My research indicates that menopause can take a few years from start to finish. In which case, can I borrow some bail money? (Just getting that out of the way now….)

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But what if it’s not menopause…

Depression maybe? It has been raining like every fucking day! It’s gloomy and yucky and annoying and pisses me off and depresses me. *sigh* In general, I usually get S.A.D. pretty bad in the winter time, so that’s why I am considering that as a possible culprit.

I watched this documentary on happiness on Hulu. All these people were basically at crossroads where they were just saying, “Fuck it”. Then they would sell all their shit and do whatever they wanted. And they were all so happy. Which made me sad. 😦

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Not that I want to do that. But I have definitely seen better days professionally. If you are a manager or supervisor of people, please take some advice from a minion… take a minute of your precious fucking time to appreciate the people who are there to make you look good… and do NOT be condescending. Ever.

There is a good way to manage people and a bad way. It appears that bad managers always win. Why is that??? Do people really only perform well when they are being managed by really cold, non-team oriented people??? I just don’t get it.

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So, yeah…

Ugh. I hate being a whiny bitch! I am usually so good at looking at the bright side of things!

I need to pull my head out of my ass. I currently have a week off work. I need to use the week to get rid of that ho bag Flo and try to clear my head so I can think clearly. Hopefully my husband will still be alive in a week.

I’M KIDDING! Kind of.  But, really, I swear if he does one more inconsiderate thing to me, I will lose my shit…

PEACE!

 

So, today I posted this picture in one of my Facebook groups:

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All I asked was what the dextrose was… because I was standing at my stove and couldn’t remember which “ose” was good and which were bad. As of this posting, I have 66 responses and half of them were busy telling me not to eat it, that I might die, that MSG is the devil, and that I should make my own sausage from grass-fed meat only. Fucking food nazi’s…

So, I politely thanked everyone for their unsolicited advice and education. It did get a small select few of us talking about how the people trying to scare the shit out of educate me could possibly be scaring away people who could not afford all organic, grass-fed, pure, unprocessed products from even doing LCHF as a lifestyle/way of eating. And I completely agree.

So for all you broke ass, lazy mofos who are low carbing or doing keto or low carb, high fat (LCHF) right now, here’s what I was making with the franken-sausage in question:

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CHEAP ASS ZUPPA TOSCANO

Serves 8

Ingredients Calories Protein Fat Carbs Fiber Sugar
Pork – Cured, bacon, raw, 6 ounces or 170 g 779 20 77 1 0 0
Onion – Red Onion, Raw, about 3/4 Cup chopped or 106 g 42 1 00 10 2 4
Spices – Garlic powder, 1 tbsp 28 1 0 6 1 2
Flav-R-Pac – Frozen Chopped Spinach (10 oz Package), 1 container 90 6 0 9 3 3
College Inn – Chicken Broth 14.50 oz. Can, 2 cans (2 cups ea.) 60 4 0 0 0 0
Water – Municipal, 2 cup (it totally didn’t kill me) 0 0 0 0 0 0
Cauliflower – Frozen, unprepared, one 16 oz. package or 425 g 102 9 1 20 10 9
Animal fat – Bacon grease, 3 Tablespoons 231 0 26 0 0 0
Horizon – Heavy Whipping Cream – 8 tbsp 416 2 44 3 0 0
Spices – Basil, dried, 1 Tablespoon, leaves 5 0 0 1 1 0
Aldi’s Appleton Farms – Pork Sausage, Premium, Regular, 10 oz. 950 55 80 0 0 0

 

INSTRUCTIONS:

  1. Brown the bacon, the processed sausage (which I did not make myself because I am effing laaazzzyyyy…), garlic powder, and chopped onion together. You can use any kind of onion but red onion is what I had on hand that needed to be used up. Once browned, most people will drain off the fat. I did not. That’s why you see an entry to bacon grease in there. It doesn’t need to be added. I am just assuming that is how much remained. (I know, I should have measured…)

  2. I put the spinach and cauliflower in the microwave for about two minutes in their own packaging just to thaw it slightly so it would be easier to work with and not in clumps. I then added the whole package of spinach and maybe a third of the cauliflower to the browned meat and onions. I let it cook for maybe 5 minutes to soak up the yummy good meat fat.soup1
  3. With the remaining cauliflower, I loaded it into my magic bullet blender with half a can of chicken broth (Gasp! CANNED chicken broth! I am for sure going to hell now…). I blended it until it looked fully pureed and then added it to the pot.

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  4. I, then, added the rest of the open can of chicken broth and added ANOTHER can of chicken broth. I also added another can of just Tap water. 😯
  5. Simmer on medium heat for about an hour.
  6. Serve with either 1 Tablespoon of heavy whipping cream mixed into each serving or with a dollop of creme fraiche (is that spelled right?) or sour cream. I used both for the picture above, because I am already screwed for the day… 😆

This recipe made over 8 cups. I’m not exactly sure how much because I got busy with the baby, and before I knew it, my husband had eaten 2 large mugs of it! He is not LCHF but tends to eat all my stuff! Grrr! He’s lucky he’s hot…

So 8 total – 1 cup servings. 338 Calories / 12g protein / 29g fat / 6g carb / 2g fiber / 2g sugar per serving.

I haven’t read up on keto eating alot but I believe this is perfect in the macros for that diet and looks good to me as a LCHF person. The protein is moderate and you could even eat two servings and still be okay. You could also lower the carb content by eliminating the onion, or maybe doing less spinach or cauliflower…

And, this cost *maybe* $6-$7 total. And this is a meal, folks. Filling, higher fat content, and tastes great. Even my 2 year old son ate a full bowl of it with some evil saltine crackers added in. 😉

As you can see, it doesn’t have to cost a ton of money to eat a LCHF lifestyle. Would it be better to use all unprocessed, organic ingredients? Of course it would. But it would have cost at least 3 times more to do that, maybe more…

So… that all being said… don’t let the food nazis make you feel guilty for trying to better your life in an affordable way. Obesity kills. Period. Do what you need to do to better yourself and FUCK THE HATERS! 😉

PEACE!!!

 

I thought this was funny…

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As many of you know, my separation and divorce was hardly a graceful exit on my part. In fact, I pretty much face planted right out of the gate.

I mean it’s pretty funny now, but at the time, I was a hot mess. I don’t know what I was thinking when I first got separated. I am just going to claim insanity. But I think all women who separate after being married a long time (almost 20 years!) go through a bit of insanity at first.

Basically, when I decided to separate, I jumped head first. I was terrified and excited all at the same time. All of a sudden, I was free to do anything and everything I always wanted to do. And, of course, the very first thing I did was face plant myself into a fucking moron. 😆

Live and Learn!

I guess now I look back on those first few months the same way I look back on my junior high years… I can’t believe how stupid, insane, wreckless, scared, embarrassing, and awkward I was but I lived through it. I got past it. I learned who I wanted to be and became that.

I live in a very small community and many people know my history. Word of mouth (aka Gossip) travels fast and for years and years here. You would not believe the number of times people… women… distraught women… are “referred” to me when their husband or longtime partner cheats on them.

Yes. I am serious. This happens. Complete strangers get told about the years upon years that I endured with infidelity, and in their panic and desperation, they actually seek me out for advice. I know. Its weird.

The first couple of times this happened to me I felt very uncomfortable and uneasy. I mean, I didn’t know these people and they are telling me intimate details of their relationships. Its weird!

But now, I am much more at ease… maybe all that freaking “empathy” training at work is helping now… I have a whole spiel I go through with these poor broken souls.

And if, at the end of the day, they decide to leave the situation or get left, I make sure to tell them all the gory details of my face plant.

And they never listen… 😆 Oh well. I try.

But that’s okay. I don’t judge. People do stupid shit all the time and I am no exception. I actually feel that telling my story after separation is more of a way to tell these brave people that its okay to make a complete ass of yourself early on in your separation…

Making mistakes is the only way to find out who you want to be… and it takes a super brave person to live through that awkward time in life and come out smarter…

There’s definitely a couple that have turned the wrong way and have landed themselves in a perpetual state of Jerry Springer land, but I have seen a few women who are absolutely the strongest, most beautiful, and smartest women (and at least 2 men!) emerge from the depths of hell.
Such sad memories and super embarrassing life lessons. Totally worth it though.

And to all you long time readers, EPers, and my dear friends… thank you for letting me make an ass out of myself but still loving me anyway. 😉

PEACE!!!

So I started low carbing again on February 2nd. It’s been two weeks. I told myself that I would give myself about one month to pull myself together to make any adjustments and whatnot.

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Using the basic principles of low carb, high fat, I have lost…

(Drum Roll, Please…)

13.8 pounds!

Not too shabby. I’m not overly excited. I lost 12 pounds the first week, which was probably a shit ton of water weight. I didn’t lose anything this week until I upped my fat intake and lowered my protein intake and now I am finally down the 1.8 pounds this week. I am hoping this week goes better than that.

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I’m not trying to lose weight super quick but who the hell doesn’t like to see two pounds a week gone? I mean, honestly… I wish I could do that all the time. But I know it just is not realistic for me so I am not planning on counting on it.

In past years, I would always aim for a 30 pound weight loss per year. I did that for 2 years in a row. Then I got all happy and snuggly and pregnant and married. I know, right? WTF was I thinking?

Well, it has just crept right the hell back up there… 😡 So, now I am back at it… and am overly anxious to just get to the point I was when I started dating my husband again. Which was still morbidly obese but better than where I am at now!

I will say that I was taken aback by the weight loss I have had. I don’t know how much your body stores of water or where it stores it at but I wear a Bodymedia armband and it fell off one morning when I got out of bed. When I put it back on, it fell right off again. I finally figured out that I had to tighten it because it was too big at the adjustment I had it at. That was a good feeling… 😀

Right now, my goal is just to get back to the dating weight. Then my goal will be to hit the mark that my driver’s license says. Then, my goal will be to get one pound under the weight I was as a high school senior. I was heavier than your average teenager but I was fucking HAWT back in the day… from there, I will have to make some decisions…

Look at those legs! Sex-ay!

I haven’t really said much to anyone in real life about doing this. My grandmother-in-law knows and tells me to eat fruits and vegetables please… And my husband knows but acts like he doesn’t and keeps eating all of my “diet” food…He’s going to be disappointed this week because I bought a bunch of salad stuff. 😆

I suddenly see I have a whole group of friends and acquaintances that are all undergoing bariatric surgery. That is so discouraging to me. My insurance company sucks and my maximum out of pocket costs are high. I can’t afford to take $5000 from my budget to pay for a surgery that would force me to eat low carb! *sigh*

Aaaanywaaayy…

The big news on the home front is that my daughter’s new boyfriend, who we thought was great, dumped her. 😦 Then, we found out he was basically controlling her and being manipulative, passive aggressive, and just plain nutso. She was so heart broken. And the asshole kept posting pictures of him and the girl he had dumped her for and saying how beautiful the girl was. And then his family members liked all the posts. How low class on all of their parts.

Chelsea did nothing wrong. She did whatever he asked. She changed anything she could about herself. She felt his family really liked her. They must have… they added her to their I-Pass account so she could visit anytime. In the process of all of this, she stopped talking to all her family and friends on a regular basis. She would clam up anytime anyone tried to find out anything about what was going on with her.

She was trying to be a perfect girlfriend… and he made her feel like she was always lacking. He never once posted a picture on his facebook of the two of them together. He was always cold and fake when around her family and friends. He was always cocky. He would always criticize Chelsea on the way she talked or her thought processes… things that we as her family loved about her…

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It has been a few days now and she has reconnected with friends. She is opening up more as she comes out of the fog and sees him for who he truly is. I am just hoping he stays away and gives her a chance to find someone better, someone normal, someone sane. She deserves that. He keeps trying to string her along… but I think she’s starting to realize he’s just a cowardly douchebag. Fingers crossed!

I spoke to my brother yesterday and found out he talks to my father once or twice a week. I haven’t heard from him since the last conversation I told you about… *sigh* It’s okay. I, like my daughter, am slowly coming out of the fog my mind created of the father figure I never had to really begin with. It will be okay.

I spent my Saturday trying to convert home VCR tapes that are 20 years old to DVD. They have to play while the DVD recorder records. So many happy, happy memories. I know some of them are somewhat tainted by the fact that my ex-husband was already cheating on me in some of them, but regardless, I still see happy, contented people in all the videos, including myself. 🙂 The kids were all so cute and innocent. There were videos of all my past and present family members and it made me remember how very much I loved that family. There was even one video taken before my mom ever got sick where she is joking around with me at my Grandmother’s in Oklahoma. I am so freaking grateful that we had that video camera!

Chelsea was here while I was watching the home videos. Andy stayed out of the room. I don’t think they make him uncomfortable but I’m sure seeing his wife’s former married life is not a number one priority for him. I am very blessed that he has never been crazy jealous about my past life. My prior boyfriend was and it is impossible to erase 20 years from your life so duh. (He was a freaking idiot.)

So, I am watching these with my daughter and she’s telling me about issues people have in advanced old age (CNA talk). Then she basically tells me that I need to be DNR (a “Do Not Resuscitate” order) if I am over 80… and that’s just how it is… I’m going to a home and it will be DNR if I have any health issues… because she is not going to allow me to be bed ridden with lesions and shitting myself. I don’t know whether to be grateful or pissed off.

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Chelsea can kiss my ass!

PEACE!

Or, maybe more…

FAIR WARNING: This post contains swear words. So pull up your big girl panties or move on…

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I swear (a lot). People are effing nuts. I mean, I talk to all sorts of people all over the United States all day every day but I am pretty sure that the craziest people in the world reside right here within 30 radius miles of me.

So the biggest drama I have been dealing with is my renters. They broke up. And dragged my ass right in the middle of it. Are you ready for this? It’s somewhat Jerry Springer-ish…

Okay maybe not this bad

So, my renters are friends of mine. One was a former employee that moved here with my ex-husband and me back in 2000 and the other I met at a bachelorette party for her sister-in-law. The former employee I have known since 2000 at least and has always been there for me whenever I have asked for help. In his past, he was a selfish, lazy ass, woman mooching jerk. He has grown up a lot and I do think he is a good person at the end of the day. We used to hang out a lot when I was separated and we made sure each other got home safely on some late nights out with friends.

His significant other is from my former hometown. I went to school with her brother. I hung out with her for a bit when I was separated from my husband and we hit it off. She’s a fun girl and I always assumed she was pretty straight forward of a person. I like straight forward people. She hooked up with my former employee when I wasn’t even around and I was ecstatic for both of them because they seemed to really get along and match each other’s personalities.

Fast forward three years… My former employee is the one who came to my rescue this past summer when everyone on God’s green earth abandoned me. He carries the same value system as me and I love him like a little brother. When he asked me if I would consider renting to him, I jumped. I knew he could handle emergencies and most repair issues at the house. He and his significant other had a two year old little girl together and her children from a prior marriage.  And they seemed stable and happy! I was so relieved!

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So, I should have known something was very bad at Christmas. I went over and dropped off Christmas gifts for their family and she was the only one home, other than a couple of kids. I knew they had been fighting a bit but she was really just trashing her man, telling me he was accusing her of cheating and going off in fits of rage without warning. She also kind of acted like she had better shit to do than sit around bullshitting with me, which she had never done before.

Well, come to find out… SHE WAS CHEATING! She tells me now that it was after I saw her at Christmas and she hadn’t even considered it when she spoke with me. Complete bullshit because I happen to know she cheated like a day or two after I spoke with her. She slept with some complete stranger in Chicago, which is 2+ hours away. Now… women don’t usually fuck strangers without talking to them just a little bit for a few days first. So, I call bullshit. 😡

So, anyway, she cheats. That pissed me off because she lied right to my face and tried to make it look like my former employee/ my friend/ my brother was a nutcase.  😡 As someone quite experienced with cheating, lying bastards, I can fully understand and relate to random fits of rage for unexplainable reasons in the days or weeks leading up to a cheating discovery on his behalf. Because you fucking know… you know the person is cheating or getting ready to… but you are trying to convince yourself that it just isn’t happening… so you push all the rage back… but it pops out in little pockets, unexpectedly. That happens. I get that.

So, she came clean to my former employee and it just devastates him. Once again, I can totally relate. When someone who you completely trust down to the very bottom depths of your soul betrays you, you are decimated. Obliterated. Destroyed to the core. He did not reach out to me for three or four days and he was destroyed. I felt bad for him.

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What I felt worse about was the fact that she was wishy washy. She was not full of remorse or regret. She was half assed being apologetic and then telling him how unhappy she was for “so long”. Oh. My. Lord. 😯

DE-JA-VU!!!!!

Trigger.Trigger.Trigger. This is how I lived most of the last half of my marriage. While my ex-husband was always remorseful, he did temper that with a healthy does of “oh poor me, I am so unhappy, that’s why I keep fucking you over… but I’m sooo unhappy. WAH!”. And he did this consistently for the next 10 years… like every single day. Do you know what it does to your significant other when you tell them that you are unhappy? After you have cheated and betrayed that person? After that person has helped you completely make over your life? They start to think it’s themselves making you unhappy. They get depressed. They start hating themselves. They start thinking that if they died you would be happier. Don’t do that, you fuck!

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So, yeah, she’s telling him basically that it’s his fault that she was being a skank ass slut. Then, she starts accusing him of cheating. Go figure. He tells me this isn’t true. She claims people have told her without a doubt that it is true. 😐 I believe nothing unless one of three people on earth who I consider absolutely trustworthy tell me, so I will take his word until one of the three tells me different. I know what it’s like to be accused of cheating constantly when you know you are not.

(For all you light weights… one of the top five signs that your partner is cheating is when they start accusing YOU of cheating and you KNOW that’s not true.)

So, okay… they start trying to work it out, because almost all couples do “try” to work it out. I said for years I would walk right out the door if it ever happened to me but I didn’t. I was all talk. I stayed and tried (for way too long). So did my renters. But then, my friend comes to me and tells me some of the things his significant other is saying in conversation and things that have happened. And I realize she is trying to provoke him… on purpose… 😯

My friend/former employee is a Army veteran with PTSD issues. He can lose his temper. I have rarely seen him lose his temper around me. And, in fact, I have only actually heard of two or three times in ten years where he became so agitated that he actually yelled or threw something. I’m not saying he doesn’t do it… I’m saying he is probably prone to it, given the right conditions and environment. That doesn’t make it right, but it is what it is…

This woman was creating an environment that would subsequently cause him to lose self control! I could hear it in what he was telling me. I knew it and I told him. I told him that she was trying to get under his skin. I told him to stay calm and just make the break and be done with it. She was purposely trying to provoke him!

I really wanted her to just move on and for him to stay stable in my home. I wasn’t trying to be selfish. I just wanted him to be the stable one and her to leave since that is what she wanted anyway… All he had to do was quit listening to her and wait for her to file her taxes and let her leave.

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He didn’t listen. Some fight started after he had been drinking. I don’t know all the details. I only know what the police report said. He threw something and a part of it hit her. He was thrown in jail for domestic battery and damage to property. She had him arrested. For a fight she probably provoked.

Here’s how I feel about people who charge their family members for crimes or call the cops on them after you have provoked them for DAYS to do something rash: You are WHITE TRASH. This is not for everyone… I’m not saying you shouldn’t have your Uncle arrested for molesting your children or charge your husband or wife with battery if they are beating you in the face with their fists like you’re in Fight Club. But, people who charge people just out of vindictiveness for small things are white mother fucking trash.

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For example, one of my foster children has a juvenile FELONY record for assault because he pushed his wheelchair bound uncle away from him… hard. The uncle called the cops. The boy was then entered into the juvenile criminal system. The uncle was never charged with anything… because he was in a wheel chair, I am sure. But the real story is that the uncle was a nasty old man that carried a cane that he used to beat his sister’s children with. He would prod them and poke them, intentionally trip them, whip the back of their legs when they least expected it… Maybe he was just ignorant, but really… did he never expect these children to grow up and decide one day to not take it anymore? So, at 11 years old, he had his nephew charged for a crime he provoked into being. That man is white mother fucking trash.

To me, this woman provoked my friend… for days… maybe even a few weeks… to lose his shit and throw a Wii console. Not at her… at a wall. When the console broke, a game/dvd flew out and hit her. Domestic battery is not an easy thing to get out of and it will probably be a part of his record now FOREVER. They have a daughter together. She didn’t need to charge him. The woman has family all over the damn county. She could have left long ago, got a restraining order without charging him, and never spoke to him again… but hey, charging him is so much better…

I just have different values…  And, don’t you think for one second that I don’t know what I’m talking about because I have never been in that situation. I have actually been in worse situations, more than once in my lifetime… I chose a different path… because having the father of my children charged with something that cannot be amended in any way and becomes a permanent scar on them is too serious of a responsibility. I would be ashamed of pressing charges especially if I knew I had provoked him, full well knowing his mental limitations. I did not provoke what happened to me and I still didn’t have him charged.

Once again, this is not for serious assault cases or in cases where someone repeatedly abuses someone physically… I completely understand those situations and agree that protecting yourself and your family from serious physical harm is essential is some cases. I do not believe this to be the case here.

So, anyway, now she is staying in the house. My house. And he is in jail… or was… I have no idea where he is now… I hope he is choosing to start a new life far away from her. They both need to stay away from each other.

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After all this happened, she hacked his Facebook and read all my messages to him. Then tried to confront me about it all and straight up continued to lie to me about it. I just told her exactly what I thought while trying to stay classy. I really did at one time think this woman was a friend to me. She’s not. I can’t be friends with someone that cannot just admit when they did something like that… because it shows disrespect to me to think I am that stupid. Besides, there is absolutely no way I can support the decision to call the cops for that situation.

Her message to confront me was full of the usual cheater excuses of unhappiness and how cruel he was… and how she wasn’t letting anyone treat her that way… And how I should ask so and so to confirm this. And how her brother (one of the loudest, most obnoxiously honest, up front and to the point people I have ever known in my life… and that’s a compliment…) could tell me what a rat her man was… really??? So why didn’t her brother confront the man himself? Because the brother I know would definitely have said something…

Listen up, Ladies… if your man is not respecting you and makes you feel unhappy, unloved, or unwanted, LEAVE. Walk right the hell out. Especially if you have nearby family who is supposedly witness to all the wrongdoings committed against you… WHY WOULD YOU STAY???? Apparently so you can provoke them to leave… so much more fun that way…

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So that was about 6 weeks of drama right there. Additional dramas?

One of my ex-BFFs contacted me out of the blue stating that she finally got her husband to leave and how should she go about filing for divorce. First of all, hel-lo… I haven’t heard from you in forever. Yes, I’m doing great. Yada, yada, yada… Second of all, I am the LAST person you should ask about how to do a divorce… mine took forever and cost and arm and three legs for NOTHING. What little I did get awarded, I never actually received and probably never will. You should probably ask someone who did it more successfully than me. 😕

By the way, this woman was actually verbally abused severely for many years. I know this because I witnessed it. She had the cops at her house on more than one occasion and she filed a temporary restraining order once in the last 2 years or so just to create some space for her to think. She never had him charged with anything and he threw shit all over the damn house… kicked her car door in… made an ass out of himself… but she never had him charged. I will give her that at least. She had some class and knew that her children would have this father as their father forever no matter what. Having him charged with damage to property was not going to help their perception of him… he was doing a fine job all by himself…

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My other ex-BFF just out of the blue contacted me and apologized. I have not yet answered her yet and am still contemplating on what to do. I miss her a lot but she is a Bipolar 1 and just went through an “episode”… it was an extended 8 month episode and involved me to some extent in that she accused me of having an affair with her husband. Several times. 😐

While I completely understand the bipolar part of everything, and I am actually very sympathetic to the journey so many bipolar people have to take, it was jarring to have someone who either wasn’t married to me or whom I did not give birth to, treat me so badly over paranoia. And I’m not sure how comfortable I am with making myself open to being attacked again in that way. She says she is better… but she told me that once before… 😦

So that’s where I have been… what I have been doing… where my head has been at… stuck in a all girl, junior high after school Jerry Springer TV special… Now you know…

Bet you wish you didn’t, huh?

😛

I should really start doing video blogs because I am just so lazy these days.

Actually… I’m stressed. And tired… and lazy… 😆

blessed

So here’s the 4-1-1 on moi:

1. Working like a DOG!

Seriously. I am working as efficiently as I can. And I am still failing by my company’s standards. I swear that they are setting me up to fail. I am super efficient. Super trained. Super multi-tasking. Super smart. And Super Worthy-Of-Any-Company’s-While… but the standards that my company wants me to meet are impossible. I absolutely love my job and I am a loyal, dedicated employee… but I have a sneaky suspicion that my company is plotting against me! Just when I am feeling super confident and getting into a groove, they find something else to pile on and kick me in the ribs! It’s so frustrating! I have already warned my children to be prepared… Mama maybe be unemployed soon. 😦

2. I have resigned myself to the family I’ve got.

I spent my Thanksgiving with the family members that mean the most to me and feel the same way about me and that’s what counts. The other family members that chose to exclude themselves made that choice by themselves. They are grown ass adults. If they want to be alone in life, so be it. I’m going to quit wishing it were different. All I can do is show my son how real family is supposed to act, even when their own family doesn’t do the same. Because it’s not about that… you can only control yourself and what you do… and you only really have to live with yourself at the end of the day. I choose to live my life treating my family members in a caring way that shows them that I appreciate them, their company, and their input in my life.

3. Fuck Black Friday.

It’s dead. You know that, right? They fucking killed it! I used to love going out at the butt crack of dawn and standing in line, drinking hot cocoa, and chatting with all the other crazy ass parents in line at Toys R Us. I would shop all morning, and my girlfriends and I would finish up the day with an amazing lunch out, drinking margaritas! Loved that! Now? Well, now it all starts a week ahead of time! And, everyone is out to screw each other over. And, people will actually punch and bite to get what they want. And, my employer actually blacked out the possibility for employees to take that day off… just us peon employees… not the managers apparently… I did all my shopping online. My office currently is stacked with boxes EVERYWHERE! My husband is not a fan… because, although I call it MY office, it was actually HIS office first… 😐

4. Fuck Pre-Lit Trees!

Pre-Lit My Ass!

5. I quit smoking and turned into one of those tree hugger type people.

Okay, not quite… but I did finally stop smoking real cigarettes. Now I smoke the fake ones. On Black Friday, I was able to get a deal on a e-cigarette starter kit for like 40% off online. I figured I could try it. And it is working quite well! I never really quit smoking. I got down to maybe one every few days during my pregnancy and when I was breast feeding, but when the rental property exploded in my face this past summer, I became a full force smoking machine again. Well, my husband had a co-worker die from lung cancer and he has been telling me sad stories about it. He is not a sentimental or emotional attached person in any way so I knew he kept talking about it to make a point. His point was: “I know you are smoking, you sneaky little bitch! Stop it before you die on me and I have to raise our kid alone!” So… yeah. I got it. But now, I have to hang out in all the “vaping” (that’s the stupid word they use for the act of smoking a e-cigarette) forums just to research and find out stuff I want to know because I am geeky that way… and I don’t want to be inhaling new carcinogens so I hang out in the “organic” groups as well… with a-l-o-t of hippie environmentalists… like ALOT! They wouldn’t call themselves that… but they so are… I almost feel bohemian! Unfortunately, I am still way too commercially tainted to ever pass muster… I kinda feel like one of those loser creeps that hangs around people who don’t want him around. Oh well.

6. My kid is toy deprived.

So, all my kid’s toys fit in one of those 18 gallon Tupperware containers. Seriously. No joke. I think my husband has been throwing them out or something! I feel like the kid is lacking child related stimulation, and now, I feel bad! I hope he gets lots of toys for Christmas… My husband is very picky, though. For example, he doesn’t think the kid should have blocks because he will throw them or hit us with them. Uhhhhh…. whaaaaat? So I am totally getting him blocks. And not just little blocks but big huge freaking massive blocks he can build castles with! He’s too young to be rebellious so I’ve got to do it for him. Poor little guy!Always in trouble with Daddy!

7. Fatness is contagious.

So, my husband has caught my fatness… at least, that’s what he is acting like. Duh. He keeps getting on the scale and he’s like 196 pounds. With clothes on. At 6 foot tall. And he is aghast! And he’s being serious. Even though I’m laughing, which I am sure he does not appreciate. But, really? The man has more willpower than anyone I know. He will go on a tuna sandwich diet for two weeks and be 15 pounds lighter. I hate him for that! 😆 And, he doesn’t SAY that it’s my fault but I feel like it is because I have been cooking on the weekends… but, really, it’s his own damn fault… He bought a whole package of Oreo Mint cookies and left my son ONE from the whole package, which means my husband ate the rest of the package BY.HIM.SELF! You can’t do that and then get on the scale three days later and act like you’re all pissed that you gained weight. I mean, COME ON!

8. New Year’s Resolutions…

Has everyone started planning? Nate has already made ten statements over at EP of things he will never be able to keep up with… like making nice with his brother… like THAT will happen… or not drinking martinis after 9pm… ummmm… sure… he should be easy to whoop in Canasta now… 😆 I am setting myself up for another year of failure as well so I shouldn’t pick on Nate too bad… I do plan to really recommit to myself to just take care of myself. Quitting smoking is the first thing… but I also want to totally be nicotine free by the end of 2014. E-cigarettes have nicotine in them but no chemical soaked tobacco. You can wean down to no nicotine, though. I am also going to try a new diet strategy since I am bored with the old one. My old ass body needs a kick in the ass, I believe. I also want to commit to putting on make up every damn day. It makes you feel better to do that, but when you work from home, it’s so easy to just skank yourself up for way too long. For example, I have worn these pajama pants I have on for three days straight now… ugh! Don’t judge… It is what it is…

9. I am already sick of snow. And cold. And I don’t like rain either.

Yeah. I’m whining. I just want to be somewhere where the weather is mild year round… no torrential downpours. No bitterly cold wind chills. No buckets of snow. No hurricanes, typhoons, tornados, or blizzards. WHERE IS THIS MYSTICAL PLACE?! Let me know… I need it. And I may be unemployed soon so I might have some free time on my hands… 😉

10. Quit being stingy! GIVE!

One of the things I do every single day of my life is listen to other people’s problems. It makes me humble and feel blessed to have what little I do have and not want for too much because there is always someone else so much worse off. I know it has been a rough year for so many of us. And I suspect, since I was already informed of such at my job, that 2014 may be even worse… but I hope that everyone can take some time this Christmas to give back to someone in need. Commit a random act of kindness, donate your time, listen to a friend or neighbor, or… just cough up some cash. My absolutely favorite charity this year is modestneeds.org . This charity is to give to every day people who just need a small helping hand this season. All the hardships are verified by the organization and you can even donate small amounts and it can really be life changing for the recipients that are being helped. I hope you’ll consider giving to them and take some time to read some of the stories… these are exactly like the people I speak with every day… they could be your neighbor, your friend’s cousin, your mom’s elderly friend… you never know… everyone’s got problems, but sometimes a small token can help them push through the hard times. Go now.

modestneeds.org

PEACE!