Archive for the ‘Unwanted Advice’ Category

So my blog has been alot more popular of late due to the weight loss posts… which means we have alot of new people coming in and lurking around.

And that’s fine! If you are new here, WELCOME! πŸ™‚

However… WARNING:

New comers should be aware of several things about me so we can get along.

1. I swear. A LOT.Β 

2. I could really care less what you think of me. Judge away but I’m not losing sleep over your opinion of me.

3. I am not a private person. I live my life out loud and completely honestly every.single.day.

4. The people who really love and care for me know exactly who I am and they are the ONLY ones who matter to me.

5. I don’t run this blog for money or recognition. It’s my outlet for my own therapy. It’s like talking to myself without the chaos my mind sometimes clutters with.

Now… all that being said… I am sincerely going to try not to rant here but…

I have been blogging since 2005. It has not always been here on WordPress. The original started on Myspace. I run a mirror on EP. It started as some poetry, song lyrics, Sunday supper menus for family, thoughts on missing my mom who died from breast cancer, etc. It became my therapy when my then husband stopped taking his medications for his bipolar disorder and I began Β to worry about woulda, coulda, shoulda…

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Since I began blogging, I have gone through a complete life transformation. I went through the disintegration of my almost 20 year marriage, the first major bipolar episode and many subsequent episodes of my oldest son, a nasty and very emotionally charged divorce, the loss of my entire family whom I love/loved dearly, an insanely ridiculous rebound relationship, Β the loss of one of my best friends on earth, and the mental break down of my other best friend on earth. I also went through a horrible online dating stage and partying like a teenager stage.

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It hasn’t all been bad… Through all the storms, I have found someone who loves me for me and only me, had a beautiful new baby, had an amazing wedding, helped to navigate my daughter through two incredibly painful breakups, have seen my son begin to take control of his illness (which makes me super proud), pretty much single handedly remodeled half my house by myself, lost 60 pounds and then gained back almost 50 and have lost another 42 pounds this year.

I am a fighter… through and through… My story is MINE. I don’t give a shit if you don’t like how I have handled things. I could care less if you like me or not. I have many, many loyal readers who are dear friends of mine and have been with me the entire way. I value their opinions because they know the whole story. They don’t judge me by one post. They view it as the whole. And, no, they don’t always agree with me.

I’m okay with that. And, I will always be okay with you newcomers not agreeing with me, too. Everyone has an opinion. I get that. No problem. But, I’m not usually asking for your opinion…

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If you really just can’t help yourself and you simply MUST tell me your opinion, don’t come at me with your claws out. Especially based on one fucking post. You don’t know me or what I have been through in my life. Back the fuck off.

And, I’m only going to say this once… I will never repeat this again… Don’t you DARE tell me how I should feel or how I should handle myself as a family member or close friend of someone with mental illness. EVER. You have no right to tell me how I should feel.

YOU DON’T KNOW ME!!!!!!!!

The people I speak about in my blogs that have bipolar disorder are all fully aware and have said out loud to others that they have the disorder. It’s not a secret I am disclosing. I’m not here giving their names and addresses. I’m not breaching their trust in any way. All of them know and have known that I blog and speak out from a family member’s point of view on mental illness. The only person that would probably complain is my ex-husband but he is the LAST person on earth who can play the TRUST card with me.

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When it comes to mental illness, I believe that the supporting players — moms, dads, siblings, spouses, friends, etc. — are forgotten. There is so much damage control and stress and worrying that we all go through. The drama of what the actual person we love is going through is always the spotlight and the major focus. But the aftermath is where the supporting players come in.

I’m not saying that family members have it harder than the actual person with the mental illness. But it’s still extremely painful, heart wrenching, terrifyingly hard work to help someone who isn’t thinking rationally. It’s so emotionally draining. You feel alone in your quest because you don’t want to burden others. You have to make incredibly difficult decisions with no real guidance or guidelines that flat out guarantee you peace because there are no absolute no-fail answers. And there is definitely no one to ask.

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My (overly long winded) point is… As we deal with our mentally incapable family members and loved ones, we have fears and doubts about everything we do. And we generally suffer silently as a group out of embarrassment or despair or helplessness. We feel alone. We have thoughts that other people never have to consider. How do you plan for another person’s irrationality? I’m a planner. I make no apologies for my thoughts.

People from all over the world have messaged me or emailed me with stories of how they have dealt with the people who they dearly love but are afflicted with mental illness. I judge none of them. There is no right way or wrong way to care. It is what it is. We do the best we can that day. That’s all we can do.

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I will never judge any of you. When you message me your stories, I know you are doing the best that you can in that moment. Sometimes, it’s not our proudest moment in life but that’s okay… Β and then wake up to do it all over again the next day. Day after day, month after month, year after year…

I have lived consciously with bipolar disorder in my family since the mid 1990’s. Don’t fucking tell me how I should feel or how I should act. Unless you have been here with me for the entire ride, you really don’t have enough information to judge me.

So, hopefully, I haven’t scared too many of the newcomers. I’m sorry if any of you are offended. But, it’s a blog… no one is forcing you to be here, or read this, or follow me. Move along if you don’t like me. No worries… doesn’t bother me one bit. No need to message me. People who feel compelled to message me seem to not understand that there is a clear difference between expressing your opinion and just being a rude ass bitch.

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Liesl can fucking bite me.

PEACE!!!

I can’t believe how many emails, messages, and comments were left for me after my last post on my face plant after divorcing my husband of almost 20 years. I am so moved by all of your stories of strength and equally embarrassing face plants. I feel surrounded by so many strong and beautiful souls! πŸ™‚

I also received so many questions… I tried to reply to everyone but some questions kept coming up over and over again so I didn’t answer them all. I just mulled them over and decided to post my answers to reach as many of you in one shot as I could. Hopefully, I don’t offend anyone. (Screw that… I’m sure I will…)

The most often asked question was for me to tell my story. I will give you the short version here for time’s sake:

I met my ex-husband when I was 14 years old. We dated for four years through high school and I was married to him shortly after high school. I was 4 months pregnant at the time. I should have known what I was getting into… he cheated on me all through high school and had a major affair just 2 months prior to getting married. 😐

(I KNOW!!!!)

So, anyway… we went on… had two children, lived our super stressful lives… Along the way, we moved several times. We were never really stable but I thought we were happy. We ran a business together that was extremely stressful for me but was what he wanted and he was good at it and loved it. We had a stable home, two great kids, a dog, a cat, a boat, and two cars. Living the dream…

Then, one day, 11 years later, he decided he didn’t love me anymore. A month later, he left me. Another month later, much to my relief, he came home. We revamped our lives, moved again, and started over. Five years later, he began another affair while I was at my mother’s bedside as she passed away from breast cancer. The affair lasted a year. I was in shock when he confessed and didn’t know what in the fuck to do. I let him stay. I stayed. (I was so stupid.) We continued on and tried to rebuild.

In 2007, my son graduated high school. I saw pictures of myself at his graduation party. I was the fattest I have ever been and I looked miserable. And I was. I started reading self help books and blogs online. I started losing some weight. I started to care about myself again. I began educating myself on how to take care of me. I began seeing everything in a different light. The only redeeming reason that I could think of to stay in my marriage at that point was our family (HIS family… not mine… as I later realized…).

By the beginning of 2008, I began to start freaking myself out. I knew the signs now of the precursors of my ex-husband’s infidelity. He began showing signs of it again. Little things. Not taking his meds for his bipolar disorder, taking me for granted, being selfish with our finances, treating me like I was always the bad guy… I assumed that pretty soon he would start another affair. He wasn’t yet. And I know it was wrong to assume… but I did. I talked myself into it. I just knew I was in for it… I was convinced.

By the time he had a heart attack in the Spring, I was done… I knew that I was just done… When I look back now, I realize I was done when he confessed to the second affair. I just was not a strong enough person to recognize it at the time. πŸ˜• Aaaannnd… I really, really, REALLY loved my family… (aka HIS family… not mine… once again… duh.)

This man, who had devastated me by that time TWICE in my lifetime, was still someone I would have called my best friend. I realized I needed to tell him how I was feeling. Did that. He began acting super crazy after that. Paranoia on his part just settled in.

He was so emotional… like super freaky emotional… at the thought of me not being with him that I just shut down. Completely. I couldn’t handle his super emotional-ness, so I went the other direction… I became non-emotional. Now, if you know me, this is NOT me. At all. I am usually the super emotional freak. I just flaked out. I could not handle it.

Anyway, his super emotional paranoia caused him to leave the home. I told him before he left that he should not leave and that if he did I would not ask him back. He left. I didn’t ask him back. (I know I confused some people by saying in my post that I decided to separate… I feel like it was my choice because I didn’t ask him back.) It was all downhill from there…

All that followed was Jerry Springer shit. I heard a barrage of confessions on his and other women’s parts… stories of past indiscretions on his part… some in the first year of our marriage…Β  I, myself, entered into a rebound relationship with an ex-childhood boyfriend that was stupid and misguided. (He was a lying asshole at the end of the day…) I found out who my real friends were… two. My ex started just making up random stories about me that were completely fabricated but everyone thought they were true. I lost almost my entire family… my daughter was the only one who had my back. My husband fought me tooth and nail during a divorce with no real assets or anything just so he could have some kind of power trip.

I did try once to reconcile after separation. He came home and lived with me. I felt suffocated. He knew I had been seeing this ex-boyfriend even though I was not seeing him at all during the reconciliation. Yet, he was suspicious of everything I did. I had to sneak around to even just see friends. (Stupidity on my part… I should have told him to fuck off and leave me alone…) I found out he came home and had lied to me about his prior living situation (and romantic involvement with a roommate, apparently). He finally violently blew up at me and it was over. Done.

My divorce took 2 years to complete. We had no assets we were fighting over. His dispute was a freaking life insurance policy that he couldn’t afford and has probably lapsed. I just wanted my kids to be able to afford to bury him if need be in the future. Now they’ll have to foot the bill. He hired a very expensive attorney. My legal fees went from $600 (which would have paid for both of us had he been amicable) to over $2000. I realize that’s cheap by city standards but it’s alot of money to me. He was court ordered to pay $600 of my legal fees but he has never paid it. Oh well.

So that’s my story of the divorce. That’s a short version, obviously. So much more went on. My long time readers and EPers know what I went through. As soon as he left, I made a series of horrible decisions. I was an emotional train wreck for about a year to 18 months before I started pulling myself together. This was the time it took me to find myself.

I’m going to now answer the top 5 questions people asked me repeatedly in emails and messages and comments since my face plant post:

1. Weren’t you scared to be alone?

Well, yes. Yes, I was. Which is why I immediately dropped into a rebound relationship. Mistake numero UNO. You should learn from my mistakes, but I know you won’t. πŸ˜‰ That’s okay.

I did not really realize how incredibly alone I was going to be. You can kind of imagine it for yourself, but believe me when I tell you, take that times 10. I felt so incredibly alone. I lost everything and everyone in my life. My son hated me. My daughter was a Senior in high school. She was supportive but at that self-absorbed age. My extended family… well, I didn’t really have a family myself at that point… my unemotional father and my brother. My husband’s family virtually disappeared. Our friends didn’t want to take sides… such a lonely time…

During this time, I tried to nuture an untrue rebound relationship out of desperation. That was a big part of my FACE PLANT. I also went out and partied like a college student with money. πŸ˜† I never went to college or had any “college” years so I guess it was a way of making up for lost time… and a way to make me feel like I wasn’t really alone… but I was.

BUT… let me say this… You WILL come out of this phase. Hopefully, it will last for less time than mine did… But I assure you that you WILL emerge from this loneliness. You just really have to love yourself enough to know that you are worthy of someone’s company. Spend time with friends that support you. I had two friends who supported me. I practically lived at their homes. Join a meet up group or two. I met some pretty great people through those and it gave me something to do. Say YES to every invitation to go out. Don’t be afraid to experience new things and places and things to do. Stay busy!

One morning, I woke up in my bed, all alone, and thought… I slept great, I feel great, and shit… I look pretty damn good, too! πŸ˜€ I didn’t wake up feeling alone and lonely and full of despair at what I had done… it was all smooth sailing from there… that was May 10, 2010. Almost two years from my date of separation… it’s a process.

2. How did your kids take it? (aka Why didn’t you stay for the kids?)

First and foremost, I am a staunch believer that staying for the kids is STUPID. It’s like one of the most moronic things ever. Ever. Because children pick up on tensions and unloving actions. And then they just mimic that later in life. I am not a fan.

Secondly, my kids were grown (17 and 21 years old) and I thought they could handle it. I was wrong. They handled it better when they were younger and their dad left me for another woman… As adults, they were much less “okay” with it. I think this has alot to do with the parents…

Look, I would have loved an amicable split and remaining best of friends with my ex. Seriously. Every day of my life I wish that is what had happened. It is not. He is incredibly bitter and angry, even to this day. He has turned into his father which I never thought I would see. Those TV shows and movies showing exes having nice divorces are just LYING TO YOU! 😑

But I digress… My son was very bitter and spent the next couple of years in a bipolar spin of sorts. He was constantly breaking down into a poor me state… I think if he didn’t have bipolar disorder this would have went down much differently but that is not my reality… he lost it. Other bipolar people tell me that he probably would have lost it anyway on his own… He was partying too hard and failing at college. He had broken up with his high school sweetheart shortly after my separation. He was unmedicated and I couldn’t force him to take meds since he was now an “adult”.

My daughter was on the opposite spectrum. She was supportive but admitted that she was sad that we were divorcing. She understood, though. That’s because she saw alot more of my anguish than my son did during the years. My daughter is a homebody. She didn’t go out with friends to play or have much of a social life in high school. She was always home. She saw some of the things that happened. She experienced the ex-husband’s emotional outbursts with me and several even without me. She was witness to many scary things. So I think she understood, but was obviously sad.

Today, I feel my kids are doing fine. My daughter has her regular everyday twentysomething moments but I feel she is a very strong, stable, independent woman. I am super proud of her. She does tend to fall in my footsteps in terms of the men she picks for herself, but I am happy she is getting those mistakes out of the way NOW. I would hate for her to be almost 40 years old to figure it out.

My son… well, his bipolar disorder limits his maturity level. Even without the divorce, I think he would still probably blame me for all his problems. I chalk that up to bipolar and selfishness… because it’s been almost 6 years now… and even his own friends think he is ridiculous sometimes. And almost all of them have divorced parents…

Your kids will be okay. Someday. All I can tell you is to just be open and present in your children’s lives. Always. Don’t stop. Always be the bigger person and be willing to talk to them about anything. And always answer their questions truthfully. I have always done that and I think my kids are better for it. Do NOT be the parent that is so bitter that you make an ass of yourself trying to avoid your ex. Been there, done that… and it wasn’t me that looked like the ass…

3. Do you regret the divorce?

I used to. I actually had a time where I felt bad about everything that had transpired and sent a letter of apology to my ex. I even contemplated asking him to come home, but I refrained, figuring he would see between the lines of my apology and just do it. Thank goodness he did not.

I am almost 6 years post separation… I have never been happier in my whole life. I have a whole new life now and it’s a fucking AWESOME life! I now can honestly say that the only thing I regret is not leaving my ex-husband sooner. You will eventually get there, too, as long as you make the right choices for yourself eventually. Be true to you and love yourself. I know that sounds very cliche but I am serious.

4. I am (enter derogatory term here… fat/ugly/unemployed/stupid/etc). No one else will ever love me.

This isn’t really a question, but I felt like I had to address it… STOP. Seriously, just stop. You need to take your time and assess the situation and be honest with yourself. Everyone has faults. Everyone. If self esteem is an issue, you need to get that in order FIRST. Fair warning, once you start gaining self esteem, your tolerance level for mistreatment will be NIL, so be prepared…

At some point, you have to own the fact that you are what you are making yourself to be. Are you fat? Start exercising and dieting. Are you ugly? Start finding the great features about you and enhancing them. Are you stupid? Pick up a book, enlighten yourself! Are you feeling helpless and unemployed? Get into a training program, find any job possible, go back to school…

Be completely honest with yourself and how you feel about yourself. I highly recommend journaling or blogging. That’s what I did… although I am not a private person… Journaling is private, though, and allows you to look back and reflect on stupid shit you said about yourself. Once you have figured out what you hate about yourself, work to abolish those items on the list one by one.

I guarantee you that you will one day wake up EMPOWERED by your own courage and intelligence and beauty. And I hope that it makes you STRONG. It’s a really rough world out there… but no one has the authority to make you feel second rate… you allow that. So stop it. Right fucking now. And DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

5. How did you “get back out there”? (The “I’m scared to date” and “I’ll be alone forever” question)

This is my cautionary tale. Don’t do as I did…

By the time I separated, I was so done with my marriage. I had spent about 3 years living in utter regret and I was over it. I had an ex-boyfriend that heard I was separated right away and contacted me. I jumped in feet first and took off running. HUGE MISTAKE! Then, I proceeded to try dating and went out with a series of really shitty dates. So much fun. Not. 😐

The fact of the matter is, if you have been married a long ass time, you need time to be by yourself and learn to enjoy being alone, waking up alone, loving yourself wholly before being able to find genuine interest in other people. It truly was not until I was able to do this that I was actually worthy of being loved by someone else again.

Don’t skip steps… don’t jump in to anything… work on yourself first and love just being you… once you do that, THEN jump in. I didn’t do that. I jumped into the first shit pot that came along.

When I was truly ready, I started becoming more socially active (sometimes without alcohol πŸ˜† ). I went out with the meet up groups to get some social interaction. I said yes to every social invitation. I made an effort to make new friends and try new things. And that’s how I met my husband…

I like to think that my new found confidence and dazzling personality were what drew him in. The fact of the matter is, we met on an online dating site, realized we went to the same high school (albeit different crowds and years), and decided we were not each other’s type… but we both had similar interests and just decided to hang out as friends. That’s where I just assume that I won him over, because I was not his type at all… he always went for the skinny blond chicks with no personality. πŸ˜‰

You will find someone if you want to… there are single men everywhere… but I suggest you love yourself enough to really not give a shit if you end up alone forever before “getting back out there”. It really is true that you find love when you aren’t even really looking. Just be open enough to accept it. You are worthy of someone amazing coming into your life and loving you…

 

Alrighty… I know this post was super long… if you read through all that crap, you are either really a super fan or you are really hurting and needed it. Either way, take from it what you can and leave the rest. Don’t let anybody tell you how to live your life.

Everyone is unique in their emotional journey in this life. All I can do is let you into my personal journey as a warning of what NOT to do, but we all know you will just go do whatever it is you want to do. You will make mistakes along the way. It’s okay. Really. It’s all okay. You’ll make it through. And you’ll be smarter, more beautiful, and better than you ever imagined. I promise.

Much love.

PEACE!!!

So, today I posted this picture in one of my Facebook groups:

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All I asked was what the dextrose was… because I was standing at my stove and couldn’t remember which “ose” was good and which were bad. As of this posting, I have 66 responses and half of them were busy telling me not to eat it, that I might die, that MSG is the devil, and that I should make my own sausage from grass-fed meat only. Fucking food nazi’s…

So, I politely thanked everyone for their unsolicited advice and education. It did get a small select few of us talking about how the people trying to scare the shit out of educate me could possibly be scaring away people who could not afford all organic, grass-fed, pure, unprocessed products from even doing LCHF as a lifestyle/way of eating. And I completely agree.

So for all you broke ass, lazy mofos who are low carbing or doing keto or low carb, high fat (LCHF) right now, here’s what I was making with the franken-sausage in question:

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CHEAP ASS ZUPPA TOSCANO

Serves 8

Ingredients Calories Protein Fat Carbs Fiber Sugar
Pork – Cured, bacon, raw, 6 ounces or 170 g 779 20 77 1 0 0
Onion – Red Onion, Raw, about 3/4 Cup chopped or 106 g 42 1 00 10 2 4
Spices – Garlic powder, 1 tbsp 28 1 0 6 1 2
Flav-R-Pac – Frozen Chopped Spinach (10 oz Package), 1 container 90 6 0 9 3 3
College Inn – Chicken Broth 14.50 oz. Can, 2 cans (2 cups ea.) 60 4 0 0 0 0
Water – Municipal, 2 cup (it totally didn’t kill me) 0 0 0 0 0 0
Cauliflower – Frozen, unprepared, one 16 oz. package or 425 g 102 9 1 20 10 9
Animal fat – Bacon grease, 3 Tablespoons 231 0 26 0 0 0
Horizon – Heavy Whipping Cream – 8 tbsp 416 2 44 3 0 0
Spices – Basil, dried, 1 Tablespoon, leaves 5 0 0 1 1 0
Aldi’s Appleton Farms – Pork Sausage, Premium, Regular, 10 oz. 950 55 80 0 0 0

 

INSTRUCTIONS:

  1. Brown the bacon, the processed sausage (which I did not make myself because I am effing laaazzzyyyy…), garlic powder, and chopped onion together. You can use any kind of onion but red onion is what I had on hand that needed to be used up. Once browned, most people will drain off the fat. I did not. That’s why you see an entry to bacon grease in there. It doesn’t need to be added. I am just assuming that is how much remained. (I know, I should have measured…)

  2. I put the spinach and cauliflower in the microwave for about two minutes in their own packaging just to thaw it slightly so it would be easier to work with and not in clumps. I then added the whole package of spinach and maybe a third of the cauliflower to the browned meat and onions. I let it cook for maybe 5 minutes to soak up the yummy good meat fat.soup1
  3. With the remaining cauliflower, I loaded it into my magic bullet blender with half a can of chicken broth (Gasp! CANNED chicken broth! I am for sure going to hell now…). I blended it until it looked fully pureed and then added it to the pot.

    soup2

  4. I, then, added the rest of the open can of chicken broth and added ANOTHER can of chicken broth. I also added another can of just Tap water. 😯
  5. Simmer on medium heat for about an hour.
  6. Serve with either 1 Tablespoon of heavy whipping cream mixed into each serving or with a dollop of creme fraiche (is that spelled right?) or sour cream. I used both for the picture above, because I am already screwed for the day… πŸ˜†

This recipe made over 8 cups. I’m not exactly sure how much because I got busy with the baby, and before I knew it, my husband had eaten 2 large mugs of it! He is not LCHF but tends to eat all my stuff! Grrr! He’s lucky he’s hot…

So 8 total – 1 cup servings. 338 Calories / 12g protein / 29g fat / 6g carb / 2g fiber / 2g sugar per serving.

I haven’t read up on keto eating alot but I believe this is perfect in the macros for that diet and looks good to me as a LCHF person. The protein is moderate and you could even eat two servings and still be okay. You could also lower the carb content by eliminating the onion, or maybe doing less spinach or cauliflower…

And, this cost *maybe* $6-$7 total. And this is a meal, folks. Filling, higher fat content, and tastes great. Even my 2 year old son ate a full bowl of it with some evil saltine crackers added in. πŸ˜‰

As you can see, it doesn’t have to cost a ton of money to eat a LCHF lifestyle. Would it be better to use all unprocessed, organic ingredients? Of course it would. But it would have cost at least 3 times more to do that, maybe more…

So… that all being said… don’t let the food nazis make you feel guilty for trying to better your life in an affordable way. Obesity kills. Period. Do what you need to do to better yourself and FUCK THE HATERS! πŸ˜‰

PEACE!!!

 

I know it has been a while… which is why now I have a crapload of stuff to talk about. Let’s just dive right in, shall we?

So I have a new job. 😐 Same employer but new position. I am so freaking relieved! The downside is that I am no longer a part of the team I was with for the last 20 years. I also am no longer a matriarch of that group as a result. That is a real bummer and quite sad but I would be blatantly lying if I did not admit to feel extraordinary relief over this. I am very excited about the new road. I will still be helping people on a regular basis but I will not be under super intense scrutiny regarding my time. I need that right now, even if only for a little while.

So this new job put me in training for 3 weeks straight and then I have to travel to Texas for my final week of training. EP members probably remember me bitch PROFUSELY about not being able to take any time off at Christmas. Well, apparently in this new position, they don’t even have us scheduled to do anything the entire week of Christmas! SCORE! So I was automatically approved for that week off. Woo hoo!

Prior to knowing all this, I had started the process of getting carpal tunnel surgery. I was going to do this prior to the end of the year which would have forced my manager to let me off for Christmas. But then I would have been unable to pick up the baby for at least 6-8 weeks… 😦 I decided to postpone all of that so I could train for the new position. Sustaining my income is way more important that ridding myself of chronic pain. Plus, I was only eligible for 4 weeks of FMLA and I had to use it before January 19th. Postponing works out.

So I am NOT normally one of those hypochondriac whiny people. I tend to keep most aches, pains, and illnesses to myself. Case in point… I have been ill on and off since the wedding with sinus and cold symptoms. No one would know this because I don’t whine about that small stuff. And I know this is going to sound over the top dramatic but… I am pretty sure I have rheumatoid arthritis. If it’s not that then it’s either gonorrhea, mountain fever, or West African Trypanosomiasis. Damn it. 😐

Andy still sucks to buy gifts for and once again, you people have been NO help. All my gifts for him are boring and lame. I was going to get him something cool and then he goes and buys it for himself.

WHAT THE F?

Who does that? You should NEVER buy yourself any gifts or wants beyond Halloween, because you are just ruining someone else’s gift giving experience. Thank you very much.

I’ve been trying not to buy for Sean so that we can go together on that, but it is so HARD! I was in IKEA last week and saw JAWS… yes, you read that right… JAWS!Β  There is no way in hell I could pass that up… I mean, come on, right???

jaws

I bought a new plasma 50″ TV on a Black Friday special. It’s great. Andy doesn’t think so but I do. Of course, I have tried telling him that we need to sit further back for it to look its best. He literally has us sitting 4 feet from it. I have asked him multiple times if we can rearrange the living room and he just flat out refuses. It’s maddening. I mean, as it is now, we cannot have any company over because it is so closed in and smaller than it needs to be. πŸ™„

Usually I can get my way on things like this… eventually. I have a system. I just “mention” something in passing to put feelers out there. Then if he doesn’t act like that’s a good idea, I argue my point. Then he gets frustrated with me and says something insensitive and stupid. Then, a couple of days later, his guilt kicks in and I get my way! πŸ˜€ That has not worked this time. Grrr!

My daughter is following in her stupid mother’s footsteps by letting her boyfriend repeatedly cheat on her. I hate that I set such a horrible example and I also know that no amount of lecturing is going to change her mind on how she handles this situation. So now I have to just sit back and watch helplessly and just be there for her when she needs emotional support. It sucks balls! My only good side of this is that she thankfully is not married to the douchebag and she does not have any children with him. Hooray for Implanon!

So that whole situation caused my grown ass son to inexplicably decide to disown his sister, saying he wants nothing to do with her because:

  • she doesn’t take his very rational and supposedly unbiased advice
  • her boyfriend is a “cancer” to the family
  • she is always doling out unwanted advice herself
  • she is ruining her future
  • he always takes my advice and she should to

So… I had to laugh on this. He NEVER takes my advice. He may “consider” my advice but he NEVER takes it. Ever. He considers her boyfriend to be a “cancer” to the entire family, but his father did the EXACT SAME THING. Whenever he gives advice, it is not sane or rational or even useable because it usually is still skewed to benefit himself in the long run… yes, even on matters that don’t involve him in any way. And, considering his current situation, he is the last person who can say someone else is ruining their future. Geez, kid. Wake up from your Hypocrisy Dream World!

My new TV thing is to watch season after season of completely stupid shows… I did Hart of Dixie one weekend with Chelsea. What a stupid unrealistic show. I watch Once Upon a Time, which is also unrealistic and now grating on my last nerve. Then I started watching Revenge, which is okay but the main characters drive me nuts. I also watch Guys with Kids (Tempest Bledsoe and Anthony Anderson are too FUNNY!), the New Normal, The B in Apt 23,Β  Ben and Kate… and all those shows require no intellect at all. πŸ˜›

I finally caught up on The Amazing Race and so glad the gays won, even if the didn’t necessarily deserve it. They just happened to be smarter for the last challenge. I actually liked the twins but the rest of America probably hated them. Don’t say anything about Survivor, Project Runway All-Stars, or Top Chef as I am not yet caught up. The breast cancer storyline on Parenthood is bumming me out but that whole Sarah storyline is making me start to hate the show. I endured the last season of America’s Next Top Model. What a train wreck that show has turned out to be, eh?

My dad has decided that he is giving gifts for Christmas this year. I hate when he does that. He did that one year and I got towels and a used Gevalia coffee maker. The next year I got $300. Now, I know you are supposed to be thankful for whatever gift you are given. And, believe me, I fully understand that I am 42 years old… I shouldn’t expect anything at all. BUT, there is a HUGE disparity between $300 and $30 in towels (they were really nice towels but still!). Anyway, so he wants to give gifts. So I asked for a 2013 Grand Caravan.

van

He asked me if they made that in Matchbox. 😐

Not funny.

Okay, so I asked for other things too but only the things I really want and they are decent gifts. Nowhere on this list does it say “used”. I also made sure that no towels were listed at all. I am hoping for a grill or a stove. I will be happy for whatever I get, though. Because I’m 42. I shouldn’t even be getting gifts anymore. **counting my blessings**

During my long, tortuous work days, I can think of so many things to talk about but there is never enough time lately to get them posted. Now I am posting and I can feel that I am forgetting a boatload of stuff. Accckkkk! 😯

Okay well I guess I will just add on later if I think of anything else. Hope everyone is keeping warm! It’s cold out there! Brrr!

freezing

PEACE!!!

 

This is going to turn into a rant. I can feel it…

So I have alot of friends on Facebook that are young. They are actually friends of my children for the most part. Not my actual friends. If you have read here for a while, you know me back from the myspace days… my name there is Nye’s Mom. I am known as that to most of these younger kids. Back in the day, I was one of those “cool moms”. πŸ˜‰

The kids are all growing up now. All these little kids I have known since they were in third grade are now adults technically. They are at or approaching drinking age. I see all their stupid little posts about going out to PARRRRTAAAYYYY every night of the week. I get to read about how some bitch did this to this other bitch and so on and so forth. πŸ™„

The trend lately is to bitch like a 7th grader about trifling baby daddies. They all bitch and moan about how they can take care of their damn selves and they don’t need anyone but their babies and themselves. They call the baby daddy names and wish them dead. They talk about how pissed off they are at their baby daddies or how hurt they are when the baby daddy is ignoring them.

STOP ALREADY!

Seriously! Fuck!

You fucking get knocked up after a one night stand with your little “friend with benefits”. You both chose not to use any protection against sexually transmitted diseases and you also chose not to use anything to prevent pregnancy. In fact, you couldn’t even get your hung over ass out of bed the next day to go to Walgreens and get a Plan B pill.

What were you expecting? Did you think that all of a sudden your one night stand would turn into a love story? πŸ™„ Did you consider that the baby daddy might definitely have a valid point in feeling some apprehension at your announcement? I mean, you did fuck the guy after a night of heavy drinking… the 10th such night in a month probably… How does he know you weren’t one night standing the other 9 nights with different people? He doesn’t! Give the guy a little break and give him some time to wrap his head around it before berating him all over facebook, you stupid bitch!

From what I can see, a good number of these baby daddies do step up to the plate and acknowledge that they could in fact be the real daddy and stick it out with you. Hell, some even make a genuine effort to become your fucking boyfriend. I don’t know why… I wouldn’t touch you with a ten foot pole if you declared me a dead beat father less than 24 hours after telling me you were pregnant even though I hadn’t even seen you for 6 weeks. You girls are lucky.

BUT….

Are you lucky? How many relationships last that started out from one night stand pregnancies? I’m sure there are some but I would want to talk to those people 20 years from now and see what they think. And even if you have a relationship that starts from that, it certainly will not be a traditional fall hopelessly in love type of relationship. It’s probably more like grow to love… and once again, you are damn lucky if that happens…

What if the baby daddy doesn’t love you and cannot seem to will himself to? Do you still want him around? From what I can see, it looks like those girls choose to take a road where they publicly call out the baby daddy on Facebook and try to SHAME them into relationship submission by acting like a junior high school girl and saying nasty, immature, stupid things:

I CAN BE THE MOMMA AND THE DADDY.

I DON’T NEED NO TRIFLING ASS MAN FOR MY BABY.

I’LL BE A BETTER DADDY THAN YOU WILL EVER BE.

HOW COULD YOU NOT WANT TO BE A PART OF OUR BABY’S LIFE? YOU P.O.S.

OUR BABY DON’T DESERVE THIS. LUCKY SHE HAS ME. WE DON’T NEED YOUR ASS.

YOU AIN’T A REAL MAN AND YOU NEVER WILL BE.

I’LL DO THIS BY MY DAMN SELF, PUNK ASS BITCH.

LOOOSSSSEEERRRRR.

This is your child’s father that you are talking about. You are going to fuck your own kid up more by talking like that. Now, I know there are deadbeat dads out there, but why don’t you wait for the guy to be a deadbeat before treating him like one!? You are just being an immature, classless, reckless, sorry-excuse-for-a-woman human being. 😑

I really don’t understand why these girls can’t be honest with themselves about the situation at hand. You got pregnant by someone who never wanted a relationship with you and never was in love with you. You mutually decided to screw each other without protection and while your rational reasoning skills were toast. Your ability to pull off a romance like in the movies is absolutely NIL!

I really don’t understand why you can’t now just decide to become great parents together and become great friends. No expectation of romance. No pushing to force a relationship on one another when neither of you are feeling it. Develop a great friendship and if a romance becomes of it, great! If it doesn’t, well you now have a great dad who is present in both your lives and pays child support and provides the love your child needs from his father.

Why can’t this be done? Why does this seem so impossible or unreasonable to these stupid little girls?

I tell you what… Chelsea had her implanted birth control replaced last month and I have never been more proud. That’s a pretty ridiculous thing to be proud of… πŸ˜† But, seriously, I am so happy that I have a daughter who, despite actually being in a long term relationship, understands that she is not mature enough to handle a baby and doesn’t have a baby daddy who can be responsible in her life so therefore she takes a proactive and responsible stand to be sure she does not get knocked up.

THANK GOD!

I realize that I am probably a little biased since James is in this situation himself right now, but it’s not just his baby momma that makes stupid remarks like this. ALLLL the girls say these things! Some do it so much that they drive the baby daddy away with their crazy status updates about what a piece of shit the baby daddy is…

SHUT THE FUCK UP! HE IS YOUR BABY’S FATHER! AND HE ALWAYS WILL BE! GET OVER YOURSELVES AND START THINKING OF YOUR LITTLE ONE! 😑

Sorry, but I have had enough of this crap. I am starting to hide posts from alot of these little girls. I just can’t stand it anymore…

Can you tell I’m pissed? πŸ˜†

Well, let me end the rant with a rave: Thank God for Andrew. At one time, I had considered having a child of my own alone. I was obviously insane. I could not do this alone. Kudos to all the women who actually do have shitty baby daddies that don’t stick around. This is a really hard job and Andrew is a dream baby daddy in terms of baby workload. He has been hands on all the way through. Lucky for me, he loves me and I love him back.

But even if we weren’t together as a couple, I would NEVER berate him to my child the way these girls are so publicly doing. EVER. PERIOD.

It’s called class, ladies. Get some.

Scary Stuff…

Posted: March 4, 2012 in Unwanted Advice

So I have a childhood friend I was chatting with the other night and just generally catching up and she reminds me that she had a baby that died of SIDS like 20+ years ago. 😦

I forgot all about that. So sad.

At first, just felt bad that I had gone on and on about baby Sean and how happy I was with him. Then I felt sad because it was clear she still carries that pain with her after 20 years. Now, I just feel panic and extreme anxiety. 😯

So ya’ll know me… I research everything… so I started looking up SIDS related information online. BIG MISTAKE!

That whole “knowledge is power” thing does not apply when it comes to SIDS. You can have all the knowledge in the world and it just won’t matter. I have read story upon story of poor little babies dying for absolutely no reason at all. Almost 2/3 of SIDS babies didn’t even have any risk factors…

I have several risk factors. 😦

So now I am freaking the hell out!

Seriously! 😯

As we approach the 2 month mark, I find out that 80% of SIDS cases happen between months 2 to 4. 90% happen before the 6 month mark. There are still a few that happen beyond that…

And I have risk factors… I smoked during my pregnancy… Yeah, I quit but I still smoked for a portion of it. Plus, every single person I know smokes and I was exposed to smoke every single day of my pregnancy. 😯

I probably have sleep apnea which is hereditary and a possible risk factor. There is no fan currently in his room so I need to get that. When we remodeled that room, there was mold on some of the walls. I cleaned it up but what if it comes back? That’s a risk factor… :/

I drink caffeine. Sean is easily overheated. Alot of times, Sean won’t sleep unless he is swaddled… but the blanket we swaddle him with eventually comes loose and could end up around his head. 😯

I am freaking the fuck out here…

The bottom line is, though, that I can fix some of this stuff but it may not make any difference at all. That makes me feel so powerless… and scared… I’m very scared.

When I was young, I never thought about this stuff! Now, I’m 41 and a basket case!

*sigh*

This is not good. πŸ˜₯

Together.

At the same time.

Seriously.

πŸ˜›