Archive for the ‘WTF is WRONG with you people!’ Category

So my blog has been alot more popular of late due to the weight loss posts… which means we have alot of new people coming in and lurking around.

And that’s fine! If you are new here, WELCOME! 🙂

However… WARNING:

New comers should be aware of several things about me so we can get along.

1. I swear. A LOT. 

2. I could really care less what you think of me. Judge away but I’m not losing sleep over your opinion of me.

3. I am not a private person. I live my life out loud and completely honestly every.single.day.

4. The people who really love and care for me know exactly who I am and they are the ONLY ones who matter to me.

5. I don’t run this blog for money or recognition. It’s my outlet for my own therapy. It’s like talking to myself without the chaos my mind sometimes clutters with.

Now… all that being said… I am sincerely going to try not to rant here but…

I have been blogging since 2005. It has not always been here on WordPress. The original started on Myspace. I run a mirror on EP. It started as some poetry, song lyrics, Sunday supper menus for family, thoughts on missing my mom who died from breast cancer, etc. It became my therapy when my then husband stopped taking his medications for his bipolar disorder and I began  to worry about woulda, coulda, shoulda…

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Since I began blogging, I have gone through a complete life transformation. I went through the disintegration of my almost 20 year marriage, the first major bipolar episode and many subsequent episodes of my oldest son, a nasty and very emotionally charged divorce, the loss of my entire family whom I love/loved dearly, an insanely ridiculous rebound relationship,  the loss of one of my best friends on earth, and the mental break down of my other best friend on earth. I also went through a horrible online dating stage and partying like a teenager stage.

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It hasn’t all been bad… Through all the storms, I have found someone who loves me for me and only me, had a beautiful new baby, had an amazing wedding, helped to navigate my daughter through two incredibly painful breakups, have seen my son begin to take control of his illness (which makes me super proud), pretty much single handedly remodeled half my house by myself, lost 60 pounds and then gained back almost 50 and have lost another 42 pounds this year.

I am a fighter… through and through… My story is MINE. I don’t give a shit if you don’t like how I have handled things. I could care less if you like me or not. I have many, many loyal readers who are dear friends of mine and have been with me the entire way. I value their opinions because they know the whole story. They don’t judge me by one post. They view it as the whole. And, no, they don’t always agree with me.

I’m okay with that. And, I will always be okay with you newcomers not agreeing with me, too. Everyone has an opinion. I get that. No problem. But, I’m not usually asking for your opinion…

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If you really just can’t help yourself and you simply MUST tell me your opinion, don’t come at me with your claws out. Especially based on one fucking post. You don’t know me or what I have been through in my life. Back the fuck off.

And, I’m only going to say this once… I will never repeat this again… Don’t you DARE tell me how I should feel or how I should handle myself as a family member or close friend of someone with mental illness. EVER. You have no right to tell me how I should feel.

YOU DON’T KNOW ME!!!!!!!!

The people I speak about in my blogs that have bipolar disorder are all fully aware and have said out loud to others that they have the disorder. It’s not a secret I am disclosing. I’m not here giving their names and addresses. I’m not breaching their trust in any way. All of them know and have known that I blog and speak out from a family member’s point of view on mental illness. The only person that would probably complain is my ex-husband but he is the LAST person on earth who can play the TRUST card with me.

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When it comes to mental illness, I believe that the supporting players — moms, dads, siblings, spouses, friends, etc. — are forgotten. There is so much damage control and stress and worrying that we all go through. The drama of what the actual person we love is going through is always the spotlight and the major focus. But the aftermath is where the supporting players come in.

I’m not saying that family members have it harder than the actual person with the mental illness. But it’s still extremely painful, heart wrenching, terrifyingly hard work to help someone who isn’t thinking rationally. It’s so emotionally draining. You feel alone in your quest because you don’t want to burden others. You have to make incredibly difficult decisions with no real guidance or guidelines that flat out guarantee you peace because there are no absolute no-fail answers. And there is definitely no one to ask.

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My (overly long winded) point is… As we deal with our mentally incapable family members and loved ones, we have fears and doubts about everything we do. And we generally suffer silently as a group out of embarrassment or despair or helplessness. We feel alone. We have thoughts that other people never have to consider. How do you plan for another person’s irrationality? I’m a planner. I make no apologies for my thoughts.

People from all over the world have messaged me or emailed me with stories of how they have dealt with the people who they dearly love but are afflicted with mental illness. I judge none of them. There is no right way or wrong way to care. It is what it is. We do the best we can that day. That’s all we can do.

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I will never judge any of you. When you message me your stories, I know you are doing the best that you can in that moment. Sometimes, it’s not our proudest moment in life but that’s okay…  and then wake up to do it all over again the next day. Day after day, month after month, year after year…

I have lived consciously with bipolar disorder in my family since the mid 1990’s. Don’t fucking tell me how I should feel or how I should act. Unless you have been here with me for the entire ride, you really don’t have enough information to judge me.

So, hopefully, I haven’t scared too many of the newcomers. I’m sorry if any of you are offended. But, it’s a blog… no one is forcing you to be here, or read this, or follow me. Move along if you don’t like me. No worries… doesn’t bother me one bit. No need to message me. People who feel compelled to message me seem to not understand that there is a clear difference between expressing your opinion and just being a rude ass bitch.

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Liesl can fucking bite me.

PEACE!!!

Or, maybe more…

FAIR WARNING: This post contains swear words. So pull up your big girl panties or move on…

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I swear (a lot). People are effing nuts. I mean, I talk to all sorts of people all over the United States all day every day but I am pretty sure that the craziest people in the world reside right here within 30 radius miles of me.

So the biggest drama I have been dealing with is my renters. They broke up. And dragged my ass right in the middle of it. Are you ready for this? It’s somewhat Jerry Springer-ish…

Okay maybe not this bad

So, my renters are friends of mine. One was a former employee that moved here with my ex-husband and me back in 2000 and the other I met at a bachelorette party for her sister-in-law. The former employee I have known since 2000 at least and has always been there for me whenever I have asked for help. In his past, he was a selfish, lazy ass, woman mooching jerk. He has grown up a lot and I do think he is a good person at the end of the day. We used to hang out a lot when I was separated and we made sure each other got home safely on some late nights out with friends.

His significant other is from my former hometown. I went to school with her brother. I hung out with her for a bit when I was separated from my husband and we hit it off. She’s a fun girl and I always assumed she was pretty straight forward of a person. I like straight forward people. She hooked up with my former employee when I wasn’t even around and I was ecstatic for both of them because they seemed to really get along and match each other’s personalities.

Fast forward three years… My former employee is the one who came to my rescue this past summer when everyone on God’s green earth abandoned me. He carries the same value system as me and I love him like a little brother. When he asked me if I would consider renting to him, I jumped. I knew he could handle emergencies and most repair issues at the house. He and his significant other had a two year old little girl together and her children from a prior marriage.  And they seemed stable and happy! I was so relieved!

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So, I should have known something was very bad at Christmas. I went over and dropped off Christmas gifts for their family and she was the only one home, other than a couple of kids. I knew they had been fighting a bit but she was really just trashing her man, telling me he was accusing her of cheating and going off in fits of rage without warning. She also kind of acted like she had better shit to do than sit around bullshitting with me, which she had never done before.

Well, come to find out… SHE WAS CHEATING! She tells me now that it was after I saw her at Christmas and she hadn’t even considered it when she spoke with me. Complete bullshit because I happen to know she cheated like a day or two after I spoke with her. She slept with some complete stranger in Chicago, which is 2+ hours away. Now… women don’t usually fuck strangers without talking to them just a little bit for a few days first. So, I call bullshit. 😡

So, anyway, she cheats. That pissed me off because she lied right to my face and tried to make it look like my former employee/ my friend/ my brother was a nutcase.  😡 As someone quite experienced with cheating, lying bastards, I can fully understand and relate to random fits of rage for unexplainable reasons in the days or weeks leading up to a cheating discovery on his behalf. Because you fucking know… you know the person is cheating or getting ready to… but you are trying to convince yourself that it just isn’t happening… so you push all the rage back… but it pops out in little pockets, unexpectedly. That happens. I get that.

So, she came clean to my former employee and it just devastates him. Once again, I can totally relate. When someone who you completely trust down to the very bottom depths of your soul betrays you, you are decimated. Obliterated. Destroyed to the core. He did not reach out to me for three or four days and he was destroyed. I felt bad for him.

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What I felt worse about was the fact that she was wishy washy. She was not full of remorse or regret. She was half assed being apologetic and then telling him how unhappy she was for “so long”. Oh. My. Lord. 😯

DE-JA-VU!!!!!

Trigger.Trigger.Trigger. This is how I lived most of the last half of my marriage. While my ex-husband was always remorseful, he did temper that with a healthy does of “oh poor me, I am so unhappy, that’s why I keep fucking you over… but I’m sooo unhappy. WAH!”. And he did this consistently for the next 10 years… like every single day. Do you know what it does to your significant other when you tell them that you are unhappy? After you have cheated and betrayed that person? After that person has helped you completely make over your life? They start to think it’s themselves making you unhappy. They get depressed. They start hating themselves. They start thinking that if they died you would be happier. Don’t do that, you fuck!

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So, yeah, she’s telling him basically that it’s his fault that she was being a skank ass slut. Then, she starts accusing him of cheating. Go figure. He tells me this isn’t true. She claims people have told her without a doubt that it is true. 😐 I believe nothing unless one of three people on earth who I consider absolutely trustworthy tell me, so I will take his word until one of the three tells me different. I know what it’s like to be accused of cheating constantly when you know you are not.

(For all you light weights… one of the top five signs that your partner is cheating is when they start accusing YOU of cheating and you KNOW that’s not true.)

So, okay… they start trying to work it out, because almost all couples do “try” to work it out. I said for years I would walk right out the door if it ever happened to me but I didn’t. I was all talk. I stayed and tried (for way too long). So did my renters. But then, my friend comes to me and tells me some of the things his significant other is saying in conversation and things that have happened. And I realize she is trying to provoke him… on purpose… 😯

My friend/former employee is a Army veteran with PTSD issues. He can lose his temper. I have rarely seen him lose his temper around me. And, in fact, I have only actually heard of two or three times in ten years where he became so agitated that he actually yelled or threw something. I’m not saying he doesn’t do it… I’m saying he is probably prone to it, given the right conditions and environment. That doesn’t make it right, but it is what it is…

This woman was creating an environment that would subsequently cause him to lose self control! I could hear it in what he was telling me. I knew it and I told him. I told him that she was trying to get under his skin. I told him to stay calm and just make the break and be done with it. She was purposely trying to provoke him!

I really wanted her to just move on and for him to stay stable in my home. I wasn’t trying to be selfish. I just wanted him to be the stable one and her to leave since that is what she wanted anyway… All he had to do was quit listening to her and wait for her to file her taxes and let her leave.

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He didn’t listen. Some fight started after he had been drinking. I don’t know all the details. I only know what the police report said. He threw something and a part of it hit her. He was thrown in jail for domestic battery and damage to property. She had him arrested. For a fight she probably provoked.

Here’s how I feel about people who charge their family members for crimes or call the cops on them after you have provoked them for DAYS to do something rash: You are WHITE TRASH. This is not for everyone… I’m not saying you shouldn’t have your Uncle arrested for molesting your children or charge your husband or wife with battery if they are beating you in the face with their fists like you’re in Fight Club. But, people who charge people just out of vindictiveness for small things are white mother fucking trash.

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For example, one of my foster children has a juvenile FELONY record for assault because he pushed his wheelchair bound uncle away from him… hard. The uncle called the cops. The boy was then entered into the juvenile criminal system. The uncle was never charged with anything… because he was in a wheel chair, I am sure. But the real story is that the uncle was a nasty old man that carried a cane that he used to beat his sister’s children with. He would prod them and poke them, intentionally trip them, whip the back of their legs when they least expected it… Maybe he was just ignorant, but really… did he never expect these children to grow up and decide one day to not take it anymore? So, at 11 years old, he had his nephew charged for a crime he provoked into being. That man is white mother fucking trash.

To me, this woman provoked my friend… for days… maybe even a few weeks… to lose his shit and throw a Wii console. Not at her… at a wall. When the console broke, a game/dvd flew out and hit her. Domestic battery is not an easy thing to get out of and it will probably be a part of his record now FOREVER. They have a daughter together. She didn’t need to charge him. The woman has family all over the damn county. She could have left long ago, got a restraining order without charging him, and never spoke to him again… but hey, charging him is so much better…

I just have different values…  And, don’t you think for one second that I don’t know what I’m talking about because I have never been in that situation. I have actually been in worse situations, more than once in my lifetime… I chose a different path… because having the father of my children charged with something that cannot be amended in any way and becomes a permanent scar on them is too serious of a responsibility. I would be ashamed of pressing charges especially if I knew I had provoked him, full well knowing his mental limitations. I did not provoke what happened to me and I still didn’t have him charged.

Once again, this is not for serious assault cases or in cases where someone repeatedly abuses someone physically… I completely understand those situations and agree that protecting yourself and your family from serious physical harm is essential is some cases. I do not believe this to be the case here.

So, anyway, now she is staying in the house. My house. And he is in jail… or was… I have no idea where he is now… I hope he is choosing to start a new life far away from her. They both need to stay away from each other.

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After all this happened, she hacked his Facebook and read all my messages to him. Then tried to confront me about it all and straight up continued to lie to me about it. I just told her exactly what I thought while trying to stay classy. I really did at one time think this woman was a friend to me. She’s not. I can’t be friends with someone that cannot just admit when they did something like that… because it shows disrespect to me to think I am that stupid. Besides, there is absolutely no way I can support the decision to call the cops for that situation.

Her message to confront me was full of the usual cheater excuses of unhappiness and how cruel he was… and how she wasn’t letting anyone treat her that way… And how I should ask so and so to confirm this. And how her brother (one of the loudest, most obnoxiously honest, up front and to the point people I have ever known in my life… and that’s a compliment…) could tell me what a rat her man was… really??? So why didn’t her brother confront the man himself? Because the brother I know would definitely have said something…

Listen up, Ladies… if your man is not respecting you and makes you feel unhappy, unloved, or unwanted, LEAVE. Walk right the hell out. Especially if you have nearby family who is supposedly witness to all the wrongdoings committed against you… WHY WOULD YOU STAY???? Apparently so you can provoke them to leave… so much more fun that way…

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So that was about 6 weeks of drama right there. Additional dramas?

One of my ex-BFFs contacted me out of the blue stating that she finally got her husband to leave and how should she go about filing for divorce. First of all, hel-lo… I haven’t heard from you in forever. Yes, I’m doing great. Yada, yada, yada… Second of all, I am the LAST person you should ask about how to do a divorce… mine took forever and cost and arm and three legs for NOTHING. What little I did get awarded, I never actually received and probably never will. You should probably ask someone who did it more successfully than me. 😕

By the way, this woman was actually verbally abused severely for many years. I know this because I witnessed it. She had the cops at her house on more than one occasion and she filed a temporary restraining order once in the last 2 years or so just to create some space for her to think. She never had him charged with anything and he threw shit all over the damn house… kicked her car door in… made an ass out of himself… but she never had him charged. I will give her that at least. She had some class and knew that her children would have this father as their father forever no matter what. Having him charged with damage to property was not going to help their perception of him… he was doing a fine job all by himself…

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My other ex-BFF just out of the blue contacted me and apologized. I have not yet answered her yet and am still contemplating on what to do. I miss her a lot but she is a Bipolar 1 and just went through an “episode”… it was an extended 8 month episode and involved me to some extent in that she accused me of having an affair with her husband. Several times. 😐

While I completely understand the bipolar part of everything, and I am actually very sympathetic to the journey so many bipolar people have to take, it was jarring to have someone who either wasn’t married to me or whom I did not give birth to, treat me so badly over paranoia. And I’m not sure how comfortable I am with making myself open to being attacked again in that way. She says she is better… but she told me that once before… 😦

So that’s where I have been… what I have been doing… where my head has been at… stuck in a all girl, junior high after school Jerry Springer TV special… Now you know…

Bet you wish you didn’t, huh?

😛

So my tenant moved out of the home I truly love and completely trashed the place. The dude told my daughter’s boyfriend that he left behind NOTHING that wasn’t already there when I left.

Uh. Yeah. Right.

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I rented houses and apartments for 20 years. I NEVER left a rental property like this. Ever!

What in the fuck are people thinking? And how do people live like this? Do you see that children’s bedroom? It was NASTY! There was ground up dirt and dog poop everywhere.  😡

The kitchen I personally and almost entirely by myself remodeled was trashed beyond recognition. 😦 Broken drawers and cabinets… the floor felt like it had syrup attached to it. Open food in every drawer and cabinet (of every room in the house, I might add). Mice droppings everywhere. There was an actual gallon milk container of urine stashed in a corner!

WHO DOES THAT?

It is obvious that their mouse problem was due to the excessive amounts of open food everywhere… every single room, closet, drawer, counter had food on it or in it. We cleared the entire house of food and have not seen or heard one mouse or any droppings.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?

Seriously. How can you live like that? How can you raise children in that? They had 4 children living like that! It was absolutely disgusting.

I hate being a landlord. If I had the money to reside my house and replace all the flooring, I would sell that sucker in a split second… because I am not cut out to be a landlord and deal with such disgusting human beings destroying the home I loved so very much. 😥

It may not be much but it was my pride and joy. I put alot of sweat and tears into that place. I have many wonderful family memories there. I also have many bad memories. But it is all a part of me and a part of who I have become. I love it just as much today as I did when I first bought it.

Everyone else… my children, my ex-husband, my father… they all see the home as an albatross for me. I just don’t see it that way. If i felt like I had a choice, I would move right back into it today. It is my last remaining possession from my past that I truly love. My new husband is not a man that handles change well so he is never going to willingly move there… but it’s there anyway. And it’s mine. The good and the bad.

I have now spent about 10 days straight just working on cleaning the house enough to be able to call contractors in to fix it up. I was too embarrassed to call anyone to work on the place when it was such a sticky, icky mess.

I had originally taken a week vacation already in order to spend Chelsea’s birthday week with her. Poor Chelsea. We spent the entire week cleaning. She was a pretty good sport about it, though… such a good daughter. I am lucky with that one.

James also came and helped but he could only spend one day because he was (gasp!) working at his new job… Yeah, that whole factory thing was “killing” him so he found a new job… in air conditioning. 😆 But he’s happier and I am happy for him. He still is acting like  a 16 year old most of the time, but hey, small steps, eh?

Anyway, we have cleaned and cleared most of the house. My carpal tunnel has come back with a vengeance and my hands barely work  right now without numbing up. I am taking a break for about 3 days and hope they recover. Any tips on managing it holistically would be appreciated, peeps!

I’m just getting too old for this shit. And doing it entirely alone has been so stressful and demoralizing. I love my husband but he just sucks at manual labor anything. Period. I hired babysitters for long extra hours and he would come help me for like 2 hours and be “so tired”. Really? I worked 8-10 hours a day straight through… I wish I had the luxury of being tired. 🙄

That pissed me off but then I realized that he really just isn’t good at this kind of stuff. He hates it and he is too unsure of himself when doing it so then I have to constantly supervise and direct him. It’s easier to just have him stay with the baby while I get stuff done. I paid a fortune for extra sitter time when he could have just done it.

I’m not saying he wasn’t helpful. Don’t get me wrong. And I love the guy… he does try… 😆 He just sucks at it. Kind of like the way I suck at losing weight… I try hard and **nada**.

Which reminds me…. I worked my ASS OFF for 10 days. I sweat buckets of sweat daily. I only ate once a day and drank a shitload of watered down Diet Pepsi… and I did not lose one ounce in weight. Whhaaaaattttheeeefuuuccccckkkkk???? 😯

In other news, my father is still getting married and he is no longer speaking with me. He just doesn’t understand why I am so upset and he should get to do whatever he wants with my full support. Um. No. I can disagree if I want… especially since we agreed on a different approach and you went back on your word… but whatever… I’m nobody… go do whatever.

Okay. It’s super late. I have to go. I know this was just a quick posting, but I promise to post soon again because I am in the middle of a bathroom remodel that I also have done almost entirely alone… so I am pretty damn proud of it. Oh!  And, you know all those Pinterest post on how to clean carpet stains? Yeah. I am trying ALLLLLLL of them on that one Child’s Bedroom so stay tuned to see which remedies really do actually work! HA!

😀

PEACE!!!

Sooooo…. It’s like almost noon… And not one person has said Happy Mother’s Day to me yet. And I’ve been up since 6am.

W.T.F. 😯

I’m sure I’ll come back later to bitch some more. Right now, I am going to waste my day being depressed and wallowing in self-pity.

Carry on, all you people with moms and appreciative families… 😦

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Yes. I am. I know it “seems” like I dropped off the face of the earth, right? Yeah. No such luck for you, fools. 😉

I’m sorry for the absence. I swear that it couldn’t be helped. I had the holidays to deal with. I switched positions at work and went through a 4 week training course. My last week of training involved a harrowing and traumatic trip to Houston. Then, I came home and promptly infected the whole household with malaria or something like it which threw me off any sustainable schedule for another week. Then I had to entertain my adult children who are both currently acting like 13 year old junior high school mean girls to EACH OTHER. 🙄

I’m tired just thinking about all the bullshit I have endured for the last few weeks… sheesh!

So let’s just jump right into the middle of this chaotic mess, shall we?

The new position is pretty awesome so far but I have been in training F-O-R-E-V-E-R. And because I was ill the first week I was supposed to start full on doing the job, I haven’t done it much yet. I will be jumping in feet first tomorrow morning. Oh joy!

I do training all the time in my company. I have decided that the best job to have in my company is actually in the training or instructional design departments… because you can totally not know what to do and admit that and get away with it… and you can say you are “training” a class but make them do group assignments for 2-3 hours at a time and not really be doing any actual “training”.

I’m not saying that I didn’t get good training. I think the training was excellent! However, I am saying that it seemed to be a pretty cushy job compared to what I have to do. Trainers have to field questions from their trainees about job processes all the time, but it seems that it is acceptable for them to say “I don’t know” and never really get the right answer. If I tried that with my clients for questions that I should know the answer to, they would lose faith in anything I had to say real quick and they tend to let you know that. Real quick. 😐

It was a good training, though. I am definitely way smarter than I was before I started it. I am still super relieved to be given the opportunity to change into a different department with completely new management. It is a breath of fresh air.

I still feel really guilty about being so relieved and happy because I talk to my former teammates and they are all still being brow beaten and demotivated on a daily basis. It hurts my heart to see them that way. 😦

I had to go to Houston for the last week of my training… I’ll save that experience for a separate post. It deserves that much. It was rather traumatic for me as a woman. 😯

When I got home from Houston, I was very tired. The hotel had a great bed with these incredible pillows (Sugar Land Drury Inn rocks!) but I would still wake up every morning exhausted. Must’ve been the whole sleeping in a strange place thing…

Anyway…

So I get home and go to work one day and promptly get sick. I won’t go into all the gory details but I was definitely having to make hard choices about whether to sit or stand in the bathroom. (Oh. Was that TMI? Hmmm.) It came on gradually but was super bad for about 24 hours straight. Then I felt fine.

Well, then, the Husband got sick. Same drill with him. After 24 hours, he seemed to greatly improve. Then, the baby had a few hours of some nausea which resulted in a few hours of mild puking. Nothing serious but I was a little freaked out anyway. I stayed up with him all night and he was okay the next day but I didn’t want the sitter’s house to get infected so I had to keep him home.

The Husband woke up the next day and said he felt sick again. Now, this is my super hot Husband… the one who watches his weight, works out, and generally is extremely handsome almost all the time… He was sickest the longest. Go figure. 🙄

And THIS is why all those stupid “studies” about heart disease and cancer are stupid. Health nut freaks can get just as sick and alot of times  sicker than the body abusing hard drinking fatties like me. So SUCK IT, beautiful people! 😛

Of course, it wasn’t the fact that he is of the MALE gender… Nah… the fact that he was sick for longer and in a worse way couldn’t possibly be because of that… *sigh*

So, after being sick and then dealing with a sick baby and Husband, I finally get a teeny minute to breathe… and then Chelsea shows up because *poof*

IT’S MY BABY’S FIRST BIRTHDAY!!!

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Can you believe it? A year ago, I was bitching and complaining about being bloated and fat and having stupid doctors. Now I just bitch about the bloating and being fat. 😛 😆

Thank God, Chelsea showed up with a cake because I had NOTHING planned for this major baby milestone. 😯 I know. Bad mommy.

But, yeah… the little guy is a year old… getting into everything, just starting to walk, yelling at us incoherently every chance he gets… I would like to think he’s yelling sweet nothings to us or thanking us for not being so inept that he died in the last year… But more than likely, he is yelling profanities at us and calling us stupid for not figuring out that he is not going to go to bed if he doesn’t have the right freaking socks on his feet… stupid mommy. 😡

As I said at the beginning, my two oldest children, who are 20 years old or older this year, have decided they hate each other like junior high school girls. Today, I had to listen to irrational arguments from my son on why I should understand and condone his hatred of his sister because she has a shitty, no good boyfriend and because she has never done anything for him ever and never would.

All of you who frequent my blog or who personally know me, know this much about me: my one personal pet peeve in LIFE is PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT HONEST WITH THEMSELVES. That is my son. My first born son who I raised to be President of the United States (or at least some fledgling start up, for Pete’s Freaking Sakes!) cannot for the life of him be honest with HIMSELF.

My greatest fear with him is… um…. remember that weirdo shrink woman I went to for marriage counseling during my separation from my husband? Remember what she said to me? Let me refresh your memory… she was the one who told me that even though my ex-husband was clearly pathologically lying that it was okay because he truly believed his lies. 😯 Yeah. That bitch.

Anyway, my greatest fear with my first born son is THAT. That he is to the point that he is lying to himself to reinvent the past and he completely BELIEVES his own lies, which pretty much just rewrites history.

Don’t we all wish we could do that? Don’t we all wish we could just SAY that we NEVER have been wrong? That we NEVER were mean to anyone EVER? That we were NEVER a douchebag tool EVER?

It would be nice, eh? But, really… that kind of life to me sounds like you are a pretty boring ass person if that is true. I think it’s also hard to be truly grateful for all the good things in your life if you have never been wrong or douchey or embarrassed, or if you have never hurt someone intentionally or unintentionally.

I’m not saying that there aren’t people out there who aren’t really sweet, nice people who really try hard to never do anything wrong. I’m just saying that almost everyone has something they wish they could lie away in their past but most of us can’t/don’t/won’t do that.

My son does. And it’s irrational. And I feel bad for him… and for his sister, who really does love him even though he says he hates her… I think the clue to seeing it is when he uses the words NEVER and EVER. It’s pretty rare for NEVER to happen in anything, I think. For example, he likes to say that I have NEVER done anything for him. EVER. 🙄 See what I mean? 😡 Grrrr!

Okay, that’s the post for tonight. I want to post about New Year’s Resolutions (which I have yet to start 😐 — shut up) and my trip to Hell with 4 women… I’ll see what I can do to get those in the can. Until then…

PEACE!!!

Okay beeotches… I get it! I’m getting off my fat ass and will start gettin’ shit done!

Right after this weekend…. 😉

Love you all! Muah!!!

😀

I KNOW!!!!!!!!

I have been M.I.A.

I feel horrible. I have just been so caught up that I have forgot to post here. I posted in EP a couple of times but forgot to post here! 😆

So, I’m just updating I guess…

I have less than a month left and I am in fact FAH-REAKING out! I have been franticly trying to complete one project after another. I am so sick of shopping! No. Like really. I *hate* shopping! 😡

Here are the projects I have completed just in the last 2 weeks:

1. Handwrapped and tied 100 napkins
2. Made 25 little coloring books
3. Made 25 kiddie favor bags complete with custom labels and ties
4. Arranged 2 bouquets and wrapped. (They are a hot mess 🙄 )
5. Hand cut another 400 bunting flags (in addition to the 600 I already have 😯 )
6. Made custom folded table favors for 100.
7. Cut and arranged 12 floral centerpices.
8. Labeled 100 packages of gum.
9. Made *from scratch* 26 chalkboard signs and labeled them.
10. Wrapped and hand tied 25 sticker activity packs for kids.
11. Custom printed 100 placemats, which didn’t fit in the damn printer so then I had to hand IRON the suckers!

I also had to shop for:

1. Easels for chalkboard signs
2. Light Blue paperclips (so frustrating!)
3. Wedding shoes (a complete nightmare trip into David’s Bridal… 🙄 )
4. An entire suit for James
5. Shoes for Chelsea
6. Various items for the kid favor bags
7. Bowls and servings dishes
8. Dessert plate servers
9. Beverage Dispensers
10. Dance floor lighting
11. Flowers, flowers, and more stupid flowers
12. Underwear that sucks all my post pregnancy fat roll into oblivion
13. All sorts of paper and labels for all this crap we have
14. Plain white chalk. (How hard could that be, right? 🙄 Don’t even ask…)
15. 100 white paper place mats (not 6 and not 1000, which is generally all they sell these in… *sigh*)

I’m sure there is more and I’m forgetting stuff, but seriously… isn’t that enough? I’m so exhausted that I’m not even all that excited to be getting married! 😦

Andy has been putting together music for the reception so we can avoid the cost of the DJ. When I finally decided to peek in on him and make a couple of suggestions, he got all “exasperated” (his word) with me. I finally just decided… you know what? Do your thing. I am going to butt the hell out. Do whatever you would like. Please. Like I need another thing to do…

*sigh*

I still haven’t talked to my BFF Joanne. I guess she’s not really my BFF anymore. 😦 I just don’t have the patience to deal with crazy right now. And the finality of what went down fell in her lap. She told me I wasn’t welcome in her home. I was like crying and telling her not to do that and that I didn’t deserve it. She didn’t care. She just dropped me. Boom. Done.

I mean, she of all people should know without a doubt that when you tell me I am not welcome in your house anymore that I take that very seriously and you will have to invite me back to get me back. It’s like the one thing you don’t say if you want me to be the one to apologize or break the silence. That’s what happened with Deann and I didn’t talk to her for over a year. So duh.

But at this point, I have so much going on that I just can’t worry about that. She obviously is not worried about it herself and I really think it is selfish of her to “break up” with me at such a stressful time in my life. Friends can fight. That’s okay. But there are certain things you just don’t say if you respect your friends and still want their friendship. She must not want mine. Her choice.

So enough of that. Like I said, I do not have time for crazy right now…

My masterplan for losing 30 pounds before the wedding is totally not going to happen. Shocker. I stopped breast feeding and automatically gained like 6 pounds. W-T-F??? 😯 I will be lucky if I can fit in my damn dress!

Which reminds me… I got my dress. It made me look even fatter. 😦 So I was all prepared to go shop for another dress. I even made an appointment at that corporate evil bridal shop David’s Bridal despite the rumors that they fat discriminate… then someone referred me to a seamstress… so I took my dress there and I am hoping she is amazing and can fix everything and make me look like Liz Taylor (the skinny one, not the fat one). I hope. Oh. And I will need to lose this 6 extra pounds now. That would probably help, huh? 🙄

All my kids seem to be doing well. Chelsea is moving again at the end of this month into a home with her boyfriend’s parents… 🙄 Don’t ask… I’ve warned her and warned her… I hope she doesn’t get screwed but it’s out of my hands now. James has been living with his baby momma and her family. I have no idea what is going on there and I’m sure he will NOT tell me the truth if I ask anyway…

Sean is my golden boy and he is awesome. I have had trouble keeping babysitters. Maybe he is the devil’s spawn when others are watching him but whatev. 👿 My last babysitter was 21 and totally blew me off instead of quitting respectfully like a normal adult. I can respect someone just saying, “I don’t want to babysit your kid anymore”. I don’t respect just blowing me off. Ya feelin’ me? 😆

My job sucks.

Okay, let me rephrase that. I love my job. My boss hates me. I am convinced that he is trying to make me quit my job. He is my supervisor and I refuse to believe he is this naive that he does not realize that his presence in, not only in my life but also in any of my co-worker’s lives, sucks every ounce of happiness and positivity out of our souls to the very core. He just CAN’T be that stupid. He has to know how his behavior is affecting me and others.

I just don’t understand how a human being can live with themselves treating people like insignificant pieces of shit. These are the same people who determine your own worth to your own supervisors! He should be ashamed of himself. We have expressed our concern as a team in the best way we knew how and have received NOTHING. NADA. NIL.

It pains me greatly to see practically every single one of my teammates go through a period of depression after he has beat them down. There are clear signs that employees exhibit when they are in a bad place careerwise and all but one of my co-workers has been through it, including myself. (I was the first!) I see so much talent and wonderful resources being WASTED because that P.O.S. doesn’t respect or appreciate any of us. 😡

All I have left to say about that is: Don’t worry, asshole, I am the one actually managing your employees and we can pull ourselves out of this. We don’t need you just as much as you act like you don’t need us. Karma is a bitch.

Ok then.

I’m just sayin’… 😆

Sure as heck, life just keeps rolling on… goes by faster and faster every day. Before I know it, I’ll be married and this will all seem like a whirlwind past, right?

All I ask is that ya’ll keep me in your prayers… pray that I can keep my mouth shut so I don’t get fired… pray that I can keep my head on straight and pull off this whole wedding thing… pray that my kids stay strong and healthy and out of trouble (so many local tragedies lately… it worries me sometimes…) And please pray that I can win the lotto, would ya???

That may solve all the rest, huh? So maybe just pray that —

Dear Lord, let Renee win the big lotto! 😆

PEACE OUT!!!