Archive for the ‘You can’t pick your family’ Category

I know that it has been a month since my last post… we had a blast of cold air come our way here in the midwest and I suddenly realized…

Holy Shit! The Polar Vortex is coming!!!!

Remember last winter? Well, it’s on it’s way back around. And, all of a sudden, I feel the need to be out and about and EFF sitting around blogging! I have all winter to do that! So here’s what I have been up to instead:

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I have just been hanging out with family and dealing with work stress and PAINTING! It’s my new passion right now, which I kind of just fell into accidentally. I bought one of those Silhouette machines to make a huge painting for my daughter for Christmas. I needed the machine to cut stencils and then I was going to paint over the stencils…

So I started researching some basic painting techniques and discovered Michael “Mix” Lang on Youtube. Oh. My. Word. Seriously inspirational. I guarantee that if you have even a teensy bit of creativity n your soul then Mix Lang will make you want to start painting NOW. His work is amazing. So, I have been spending my nights watching Mix Lang videos and learning paint techniques.

As far as my eating plan has gone, I will be completely honest… I have totally fallen off track. I used to be really kicking myself for this, but now, I’m kind of like, “That’s Life!” It will be okay.

The problems started when I had several “events” — a Suicide Awareness spaghetti supper, my anniversary, and a family vacation with my brother for his birthday… Since we decided to start doing stuff on the weekends, I have had very limited time to cook, which is EXTREMELY difficult when you are trying to do Low Carb because you really have to be committed to cooking hardcore from scratch for at least one day a week.

No worries, though… I think I am going to switch to low calorie for a month until it gets really cold and then switch to low carb for the next month. Switching it up and giving myself that leeway and variety will hopefully get me back on track. You have to be willing to roll with the punches in life. And I have decided that spending time with family is super important to me. As long as I am committed to continuing to progress myself nutritionally then I am going to be okay.

I chose low calorie because it’s easier to not cook with low calorie. I can heat a can of Progresso Light soup in 3 minutes in the microwave and I need that convenience right now. Once winter sets in and I am less than enthusiastic about leaving my house, then low carb will be better. I feel better eating low carb. My joints ache from the inflammation eating grains and carbs give me.

And please don’t come at me about this. I know some of the newcomers are hardcore keto eaters. But I need to take the break for now. And do NOT think I am abandoning the plan. I so am not. It is solely a matter of convenience and time right now. I will be back on plan by November. That’s the plan, Stan.

Right now, I am just focusing on family and feeding my soul. 🙂

Personal update. Quickly.

The daughter is stumbling through single womanhood and men continually prove themselves to be pigs. She is muddling through and I am proud of her. My oldest son is suddenly taking meds but he’s pissed about the cost… which is half of what I used to have to pay for him to have meds. I’m just ecstatic that he’s trying. My youngest son is ALL BOY and giving me a run for my money. He reminds me everyday just how freaking old I am when I try to get my weak ankles to run after him every day. My father and stepmother (well, that felt weird) came in for my brother’s birthday. I still feel pretty distant from him but I think I’m coming to accept that more and more. On the flip side of that, my father-in-law has become more of a presence in my youngest son’s life. This makes my husband very happy, and when he’s happy, I am happy.

That’s the short and sweet version. I will leave out the turmoil for some other time. Right now, I am calm and at peace… thanks to the new painting hobby, I am sure.

Talk to you later, peeps!

PEACE!!!

My husband and I had an interesting conversation today at lunch. I had just finished a call with my father and we were talking about how the conversation went…

Generally, ever since my father and I got into the fight about him deciding to get married on a whim, things between us have not been the same. Hell, maybe it hasn’t been the same for him ever since the Italy trip. I don’t know. I keep hoping our relationship will revert back to what it was just after my mother passed away but it has not.

So, I’m telling my sweet husband how there is just this underlying tension when I talk to my father and that he always seems so uncomfortable anymore talking with me. It feels like he can’t wait to get off the phone with me. He also seems to mention hot topics in passing that feel passive aggressive to me… like, why is he even mentioning that when he knows it’s a sore subject? Am I being too sensitive? Too emotional?

I was pondering this out loud at the dinner table when my husband finally states that it seems like since he has known me that my expectations of my family are always too much for any of them to handle.

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Um…. what???? Why did I not see this before? I feel like such an idiot! 😡

I have been bitching about this for months and months! I have wasted so much stress and heartache within myself about this! It makes me so pissed at myself that I did not contemplate or even seriously consider this!

It’s true. My expectations for these people that are related to me are WAY  beyond their capabilities. And I am constantly setting myself up for disappointment. People are who they are. I cannot change them and I should not be expecting them to change. FOCK! I cannot believe how much time and energy was wasted on this mess in my life!

In the days after my mother passed away, my father was the kindest and least passive aggressive I have ever seen him in my entire life. I now realize that he was just in a very needy and vulnerable state. He was destroyed emotionally and was clinging to every good thing he could. I welcomed him into my heart and home and he was so kind and gracious to everyone. This was not his normal attitude. He had always been judgmental and would take these little jabs at people “beneath” him. He was not doing that in the days after my mom passed away. He was awesome. For me.

My brother has said that in those days after my mother passed, my father was distant and cold and generally not a good father to him. This surprises me to no end because I did not see that. I live 3+ hours away from them and was not talking to my brother real regularly at the time so I did not know this is what was happening with them.

If you all remember, my time in Italy with my father was painful for our relationship. That was when I found out he was doing some things I felt were highly immoral for very selfish reasons. It was also when I found out that his perception of me was very skewed and based on who I was as a 14/15 year old girl and not who I was as s 40+ years of age woman. And, it was when I realized how angry he was with me for that… that as a parent even, the mistakes of a teenage daughter were apparently never going to be forgiven or forgotten by him.

At the time, that made me sad. Then, it settled into just being frustrating. After today, I am just going to say that it is what it is. I can’t change it. I can’t change him. And I am pretty sure that my relationship will never progress with him as long as he carries such resentment in him.

My husband is right. I expected way too much from him as a father. I expected him to be like how I feel inside as a mother to my own children right now. I mean, I have his DNA and most of his personality… I just figured he must feel this way… but he doesn’t. He’s not like me. Everything he says about “family” to me has an underlying tension and disingenuous quality to the words.

I expected that someone almost 20 years older than me to be smarter, more sincere, more wanting of love and family… all his family… not just certain parts or people in it. I expected him to be the wiser elder. I expected him to love me unconditionally and see me for who I really am. That’s a lot of expectations to put on a normal person. As a daughter, I think a lot of women can understand how I didn’t see him as “normal” people… I saw him as my father — the one who should always be my protector and advocate and safe guard and fail safe. Super dad is what I wanted.

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As I am writing this, I feel so sad. It’s such a revelation to me that all my dreams and expectations of having a father, the self created father in my mind, are now shattered. That’s not who he is. He has told my brother multiple times in the past that we are now grown and he shouldn’t have to do anything else for us. THAT’S who he is. THAT’S the real him. It’s very emotional for me. I’m very sad about this.

But I need to accept this now. I need to make myself understand that my expectations were beyond what he could ever achieve and I am ultimately wrong for pushing that. I never, ever want anyone in life to be someone they are not. Truly. If you want to be an asshole, be one as long as it makes you happy… I don’t have to associate with you if that’s the case. But, you be whoever you want to be. Everyone in life has the right to do this. I should not be imposing different rules on this man who is my father. He’s still a normal human being at the end of the day.

 

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This is all kind of freaking me out because he started talking about my brother moving out to Washington by him. And I feel like I am once again being abandoned. Just left here… Oh, she’ll be fine on her own. She doesn’t need us. 😦

I have been on my own for the most part since I was 15 years old. I got my first apartment when I was 16. I worked full time and graduated high school with honors. My mom helped me out from time to time. My father acted like I didn’t exist. I can’t remember when they moved away but it was shortly after I graduated. It wasn’t too traumatic because they were still within the same state but it was a 3 1/2 hour car ride. My mother always called me once every two weeks during my really self absorbed early twenties to be sure I was still alive. And she kept it up until she no longer had the energy to speak for long periods of time. When she died, I felt all I had left was my brother and father.

Now, with news that my father is going to make a hard push for my brother to move to Washington, it will just be me again. Alone for real this time. I fully admit that right now I am a little terrified and most definitely sad. But I now see why it has been so hard for me.

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Just because he chooses to be that way doesn’t mean I will be, though. I vow right here and now to never be that way. I never want my kids to feel that they cannot count on me… that they cannot talk to me comfortably… that they are alone… ever.

 

I’m just sitting around waiting for my husband to leave for work. 😦

Yes. He is working tonight. And tomorrow night. But, hey… you gotta do what you gotta do. Right?

Right now, my house is a hot mess but I don’t want to transform it until after he leaves. My plan is for him to walk in tomorrow morning and be so dazzled by the awesomeness of the house and soaked with holiday funness (is that even a word? It is now…) that he forgets all about his sorrows this season.

It’s hard to actually believe that just a few days ago we got into a huge fight about his participation as a “family” person. And by “huge fight”, I mean that he said something stupid, I got mad and said something snarky, and then I stomped off to bed. Then, we wake up the next day, he’s super nice to me, and we act like nothing happened… 😆

I feel bad now that I got so mad at him. He did a whole girl thing where he turned the argument around by bringing in a completely random subject that did not even belong there. I got frustrated and stomped off. Now I know how guys feel.

In reality, I now realize it was just a coping mechanism and a way to change the subject. He has been having some issues lately with how things have been going family wise and probably doesn’t really care to address it in any way. But, ya’ll know me… I face everything head on. I know… it’s a flaw. 😆

This blunt old me just needs to back up and let situations breathe, I guess. But it is so hard when you see a situation that will affect your son for the rest of his life. And, when you see your husband becoming resentful and angry, which really is just an underlying reaction to him being hurt. It’s hard to be silent.

And, of course, I wasn’t.

I don’t want my son growing up with a warped sense of family… I want him to know that sometimes you are the one who has to make the effort even when the other person could care less. It’s not about the other person. It’s about you as a person. I want him to understand that in this family… MY family… we MEAN SOMETHING to each other. And even if the effort is only once or twice a year, you should do it without fail. Because they are family and you love them unconditionally.

My husband had a mini temper tantrum the other day when I suggested that we go visit his brother who was next door visiting his grandmother. Like a big temper tantrum. He then went to his grandmother’s and acted like an asshole for the first 20 minutes. I called him on it later and that’s when he pulled the girl switcheroo. (I’m sorry, ladies, but you know you do it…)

I believe my husband has like 5 half siblings and 1 adopted sibling. He talks to none of them regularly. He’s kind of the odd man out. One group of siblings share a different father and the other half of the siblings share a different mother. They have those parents in common with each other and that seems to bond them much closer to each other than to my husband.

So my husband just stays on the edges… and he doesn’t engage them unless they engage him first. And, even then, he is cautious and guarded. If he feels in any way that he is being set on a path that will in any way harm him emotionally in the future, he will stop all communications and contact immediately.

This is all new to me. Even though I did not grow up with my brother, and we do not see each other but once or twice a year, I call him at least once a month and we can talk for hours on end. I truly love him unconditionally and I am interested in what is going on with him. I can not imagine not talking to him or seeing him for long periods of time.

But this is the norm in my husband’s family. It’s nothing to not see each other for extended periods of time. It’s not strange to NOT have contact information for each other. It’s a regular thing to not disclose the well being of other siblings. It’s all twilight zoney.

See what I’m saying? So, it’s hard for me to not say something… And, I will never be able to say I am okay with it. And I don’t ever want my son to be okay with it. My kids will never be able to keep me out of their lives. My grandkids will always see me on a regular basis. I expect my children to stay in touch with each other all their lives and long after I am gone. And we WILL spend the holidays together… I don’t care who hates who at the moment…

Family is important. That’s what I want my son to know. I plan to be an example of that. As I told my husband, he knew from the get go that family is VERY important to me. If he wasn’t in this with me, then he definitely shouldn’t have married me. I am trouble! 😆

But, I know it’s hard for him. I know he doesn’t want to admit that it is hurtful out loud. And I push way to hard. So I need to chill and just understand that he needs some time to process some of the hurts… and he needs to understand that just because some of his family does not show him his value, that we — me, Sean, my children, etc. — WE value him in our lives and WE are his family and this is the VALUE that we are going to instill in our son. Period. He does not have the right to be a shitty family member just because others are that way.

That said, today, I just want to thank God for my family — the good and the bad. Every single member teaches me something about life and myself and my life would not be complete without them in my life. I certainly have family members that I never speak to and possibly never will again. I wish them nothing but love and hope I do cross paths with them again one day. For those members that are stuck with me… I love you more than I could ever express in words…

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Merry Christmas!

I should really start doing video blogs because I am just so lazy these days.

Actually… I’m stressed. And tired… and lazy… 😆

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So here’s the 4-1-1 on moi:

1. Working like a DOG!

Seriously. I am working as efficiently as I can. And I am still failing by my company’s standards. I swear that they are setting me up to fail. I am super efficient. Super trained. Super multi-tasking. Super smart. And Super Worthy-Of-Any-Company’s-While… but the standards that my company wants me to meet are impossible. I absolutely love my job and I am a loyal, dedicated employee… but I have a sneaky suspicion that my company is plotting against me! Just when I am feeling super confident and getting into a groove, they find something else to pile on and kick me in the ribs! It’s so frustrating! I have already warned my children to be prepared… Mama maybe be unemployed soon. 😦

2. I have resigned myself to the family I’ve got.

I spent my Thanksgiving with the family members that mean the most to me and feel the same way about me and that’s what counts. The other family members that chose to exclude themselves made that choice by themselves. They are grown ass adults. If they want to be alone in life, so be it. I’m going to quit wishing it were different. All I can do is show my son how real family is supposed to act, even when their own family doesn’t do the same. Because it’s not about that… you can only control yourself and what you do… and you only really have to live with yourself at the end of the day. I choose to live my life treating my family members in a caring way that shows them that I appreciate them, their company, and their input in my life.

3. Fuck Black Friday.

It’s dead. You know that, right? They fucking killed it! I used to love going out at the butt crack of dawn and standing in line, drinking hot cocoa, and chatting with all the other crazy ass parents in line at Toys R Us. I would shop all morning, and my girlfriends and I would finish up the day with an amazing lunch out, drinking margaritas! Loved that! Now? Well, now it all starts a week ahead of time! And, everyone is out to screw each other over. And, people will actually punch and bite to get what they want. And, my employer actually blacked out the possibility for employees to take that day off… just us peon employees… not the managers apparently… I did all my shopping online. My office currently is stacked with boxes EVERYWHERE! My husband is not a fan… because, although I call it MY office, it was actually HIS office first… 😐

4. Fuck Pre-Lit Trees!

Pre-Lit My Ass!

5. I quit smoking and turned into one of those tree hugger type people.

Okay, not quite… but I did finally stop smoking real cigarettes. Now I smoke the fake ones. On Black Friday, I was able to get a deal on a e-cigarette starter kit for like 40% off online. I figured I could try it. And it is working quite well! I never really quit smoking. I got down to maybe one every few days during my pregnancy and when I was breast feeding, but when the rental property exploded in my face this past summer, I became a full force smoking machine again. Well, my husband had a co-worker die from lung cancer and he has been telling me sad stories about it. He is not a sentimental or emotional attached person in any way so I knew he kept talking about it to make a point. His point was: “I know you are smoking, you sneaky little bitch! Stop it before you die on me and I have to raise our kid alone!” So… yeah. I got it. But now, I have to hang out in all the “vaping” (that’s the stupid word they use for the act of smoking a e-cigarette) forums just to research and find out stuff I want to know because I am geeky that way… and I don’t want to be inhaling new carcinogens so I hang out in the “organic” groups as well… with a-l-o-t of hippie environmentalists… like ALOT! They wouldn’t call themselves that… but they so are… I almost feel bohemian! Unfortunately, I am still way too commercially tainted to ever pass muster… I kinda feel like one of those loser creeps that hangs around people who don’t want him around. Oh well.

6. My kid is toy deprived.

So, all my kid’s toys fit in one of those 18 gallon Tupperware containers. Seriously. No joke. I think my husband has been throwing them out or something! I feel like the kid is lacking child related stimulation, and now, I feel bad! I hope he gets lots of toys for Christmas… My husband is very picky, though. For example, he doesn’t think the kid should have blocks because he will throw them or hit us with them. Uhhhhh…. whaaaaat? So I am totally getting him blocks. And not just little blocks but big huge freaking massive blocks he can build castles with! He’s too young to be rebellious so I’ve got to do it for him. Poor little guy!Always in trouble with Daddy!

7. Fatness is contagious.

So, my husband has caught my fatness… at least, that’s what he is acting like. Duh. He keeps getting on the scale and he’s like 196 pounds. With clothes on. At 6 foot tall. And he is aghast! And he’s being serious. Even though I’m laughing, which I am sure he does not appreciate. But, really? The man has more willpower than anyone I know. He will go on a tuna sandwich diet for two weeks and be 15 pounds lighter. I hate him for that! 😆 And, he doesn’t SAY that it’s my fault but I feel like it is because I have been cooking on the weekends… but, really, it’s his own damn fault… He bought a whole package of Oreo Mint cookies and left my son ONE from the whole package, which means my husband ate the rest of the package BY.HIM.SELF! You can’t do that and then get on the scale three days later and act like you’re all pissed that you gained weight. I mean, COME ON!

8. New Year’s Resolutions…

Has everyone started planning? Nate has already made ten statements over at EP of things he will never be able to keep up with… like making nice with his brother… like THAT will happen… or not drinking martinis after 9pm… ummmm… sure… he should be easy to whoop in Canasta now… 😆 I am setting myself up for another year of failure as well so I shouldn’t pick on Nate too bad… I do plan to really recommit to myself to just take care of myself. Quitting smoking is the first thing… but I also want to totally be nicotine free by the end of 2014. E-cigarettes have nicotine in them but no chemical soaked tobacco. You can wean down to no nicotine, though. I am also going to try a new diet strategy since I am bored with the old one. My old ass body needs a kick in the ass, I believe. I also want to commit to putting on make up every damn day. It makes you feel better to do that, but when you work from home, it’s so easy to just skank yourself up for way too long. For example, I have worn these pajama pants I have on for three days straight now… ugh! Don’t judge… It is what it is…

9. I am already sick of snow. And cold. And I don’t like rain either.

Yeah. I’m whining. I just want to be somewhere where the weather is mild year round… no torrential downpours. No bitterly cold wind chills. No buckets of snow. No hurricanes, typhoons, tornados, or blizzards. WHERE IS THIS MYSTICAL PLACE?! Let me know… I need it. And I may be unemployed soon so I might have some free time on my hands… 😉

10. Quit being stingy! GIVE!

One of the things I do every single day of my life is listen to other people’s problems. It makes me humble and feel blessed to have what little I do have and not want for too much because there is always someone else so much worse off. I know it has been a rough year for so many of us. And I suspect, since I was already informed of such at my job, that 2014 may be even worse… but I hope that everyone can take some time this Christmas to give back to someone in need. Commit a random act of kindness, donate your time, listen to a friend or neighbor, or… just cough up some cash. My absolutely favorite charity this year is modestneeds.org . This charity is to give to every day people who just need a small helping hand this season. All the hardships are verified by the organization and you can even donate small amounts and it can really be life changing for the recipients that are being helped. I hope you’ll consider giving to them and take some time to read some of the stories… these are exactly like the people I speak with every day… they could be your neighbor, your friend’s cousin, your mom’s elderly friend… you never know… everyone’s got problems, but sometimes a small token can help them push through the hard times. Go now.

modestneeds.org

PEACE!

Since I have been down and out for the whole summer, let me catch you all up on my family dramas.

My father got married. The day after my one year anniversary. I could not take time off at the last minute like that and neither could my husband and there was no way I was missing spending my first year anniversary with my husband… so I did not go. My opinion is that the date he chose to get married on was very selfish. But then, the whole marriage thing in and of itself was very selfish.

So I did not attend the wedding. My brother did, though, with my nephew. I wish it had been later in the month when I could have attended because I like traveling with my brother. We have similar ideas for where we want to go when traveling. That would make it more fun. We used to ditch our family members in Oklahoma (they didn’t invite us to hang out with them anyway so no loss) so that we could go eat at restaurants we had heard were good in the area.

Soooo, anyway… he did get married. His new wife, Joy, is a very nice woman. I have absolutely nothing against her. Our first meeting was a disaster but I think we smoothed it over. I think she somehow thought my Dad was super close to me and Leland. He’s only as close as he allows himself to be. She didn’t realize that and our first meeting she felt was cold. To me and Leland, it was  normal… It is what it is. Anyway, he is now all the way across the country and has started to rebuild his new life so there is nothing else to be said.

Big news on my daughter’s life. Remember the ghetto ass loser she was dating for four years that I could NOT get her to break up with if my life depended on it? Wellllll….. guess what? He pulled a major TIM and carried on a 6 month affair with another woman, buying her children gifts and helping to pay her bills for her. So deja Veux!

I was so upset and sad for her and her broken heart but secretly doing flips and dancing inside. What.A.Loser! It makes me sad that she gravitates to being treated this way and turned a blind eye to it for so long. I feel that staying in my own situation for years only taught her to tolerate that shit for longer than anyone should.

But she is finally FREE! Send you gainfully employed and well brought up single sons my way! My daughter needs a good guy in her life! 🙂

Actually, right now, she is just learning to be single. She was sharing a home with her boyfriend’s parents, which was awkward, so she is now living in her own one bedroom apartment, by herself. This is the first time she has ever lived alone. This will be a good learning experience for her. I worry about her constantly but we bought her a stun gun and pepper spray. We are also applying for a FOID card for her… just in case we decide she needs a gun… 😆 (Actually, we read that she needs a FOID card for the stun gun… she’s too blonde to entrust with a gun.)

My son has been doing some flip flopping on his bipolarness lately. One minute he is the best son ever and the next minute he freaking hates me. It’s like living with a 13 year old girl. And he doesn’t even live with me! WTF? 😯

He did finally find a full time position and he has stayed at it. That is a huge accomplishment for any major bipolar person. It takes alot to stay grounded. Most young people have that problem. But it is 10 times worse when you are dealing with bipolar disorder.

My husband continues to be my husband. 😉 I find that now that we have been married for a year, we are so much more comfortable with each other than we were previously. It has been awkward at times. Maybe that was because I was only with my ex-husband since I was 14 years old. This is really only like my second or third long term relationship… I know — slut, right? — Screw you, Nathan! 😛

Anyway, he still does stupid, immature things sometimes that drive me nuts… He’s lucky I am so tolerant and realize WHY he is that way. Most women would bolt.. and DID in fact bolt when he exhibited some of these less than stellar behaviors. For example…

The night of our anniversary, we went for a romantic supper at a nice Italian restaurant. Everything was good. We made a Walmart run right after and then headed home. I could tell he was a little tired… So we get home and he’s cranky as hell! WTF? It’s our anniversary, dude! You are not acting like a (excuse my French) fuckable husband right now! Needless to say, anniversary sex did NOT happen that night. Pissed me off. 😆 He apologized the next day but you only get ONE first wedding anniversary night, ya know?

Oh well. That’s okay. I’m not scarred for life by it or anything. I haven’t felt very “fuckable” myself lately anyway. 😆

I’ve spent my entire summer mired in stress and have been unable to lose anything. And I swear to God that the baby pushed all my fat UP so I still look pregnant half the time. I read somewhere that stress causes more abdominal fat as well so I have been screwed from the start, I suppose. The bad tenants, house remodel, plumbing issues, excessive home repair costs, and an absolutely grueling work environment have ruined my ability to deal with stress effectively. That will probably be my New Year’s Resolution. Take care of me. 🙂

So that’s the short family update. Hope everyone else’s families are well. EPers please remember to keep Nate’s momma in your prayers.

PEACE!

So I have been reluctant to post because it seems like too much is going on in my life. When it rains, it doesn’t just pour… it freaking hails golf ball sized shit pellets on my head. 🙄

Here’s my mish mash of crap life has been throwing my way:

1. My dad decided after physically seeing a woman for like 10 days (MAYBE) that he is getting married in August. Of this year. And, No, I have not met her. At all. And then, when I protested, he made a nasty, snarky comment about me getting pregnant… so I told him to F off. I’m not saying I’m proud of it but… really? There is no need to throw out personal insults when your family is just looking out for you because they LOVE YOU. Jeez! 🙄

2. My son finally found a full time job and all he does every.single.day is WHINE about how working 40 hours a week being on his feet sucks ass. Poor guy. 😐

3. My tenant gave me only 2 weeks notice that he is moving out of my house which means I now have to go in and clean and fix all the shit I didn’t fix the first time AND I only got half a month’s rent AND I need to buy a new stove (Damage: $500)… And he was a freaking slob! He had 4 children, 2 dogs, and a crazy girlfriend who broke all his windows in his van out… how do you imagine my house will look when I get to go in there?

4. My husband took 2 weeks off of work to entertain his best friend who came to visit for one week. (You do the math…) All he has done this week is complain about how short his check is because he did that… on his own.

5. My car’s wheel bearing is going out. Damage: $300. Due: Soon… preferably before I die.

6. My youngest son’s new thing is to cry for an hour every night before he finally decides to go to sleep. It’s fun. Lots.

7. My boss called an annual meeting two weeks ago… for this week… right after my husband already took two weeks off work. And he works third shift. Do you know how freaking hard it is to find a babysitter for third shift? With no helpful family close by that is physically available? 😐

8. I went to the annual kinda-like-a-high-school-reunion festival over Memorial Day weekend. I do NOT look like Jennifer Lopez. I have NOT won the Lottery. I did NOT just list and immediately sell my awesome house on the golf course so I could move my two super duper cute little girls closer to my perfect 75% of the year job that pays me for 100% of the year. I am a first impression failure. FML.

9. I’m pretty sure I gained weight. I can’t say for sure but I think so. I’m totally not weighing myself until I get back from Dallas/Fort Worth AND I’ve finished the quart of chocolate peanut butter ice cream in my freezer. Period. 😛

Hmmmm…. I thought for sure I could make it to 10. Just another sign that I am a freaking loser mess right now.

Seriously… what is going on???? I had so much good karma over the last three or four years that I have used it all up? WTF?

Oh…

10. My husband’s check engine light came on and he told me we would need to use the remainder of the tax refund — the tax refund I wanted to use to get a new couch since our son is picking the old flaky fake leather off the one we have now and eating it — to make whatever repairs are needed for his truck… even though my car needs a $300 repair as well… before I die.

I knew I had 10 in me. At least I accomplished something today…

How ya’ll doing?

😐

Sooooo…. It’s like almost noon… And not one person has said Happy Mother’s Day to me yet. And I’ve been up since 6am.

W.T.F. 😯

I’m sure I’ll come back later to bitch some more. Right now, I am going to waste my day being depressed and wallowing in self-pity.

Carry on, all you people with moms and appreciative families… 😦