Posts Tagged ‘family’

I know that it has been a month since my last post… we had a blast of cold air come our way here in the midwest and I suddenly realized…

Holy Shit! The Polar Vortex is coming!!!!

Remember last winter? Well, it’s on it’s way back around. And, all of a sudden, I feel the need to be out and about and EFF sitting around blogging! I have all winter to do that! So here’s what I have been up to instead:

summer2014

 

I have just been hanging out with family and dealing with work stress and PAINTING! It’s my new passion right now, which I kind of just fell into accidentally. I bought one of those Silhouette machines to make a huge painting for my daughter for Christmas. I needed the machine to cut stencils and then I was going to paint over the stencils…

So I started researching some basic painting techniques and discovered Michael “Mix” Lang on Youtube. Oh. My. Word. Seriously inspirational. I guarantee that if you have even a teensy bit of creativity n your soul then Mix Lang will make you want to start painting NOW. His work is amazing. So, I have been spending my nights watching Mix Lang videos and learning paint techniques.

As far as my eating plan has gone, I will be completely honest… I have totally fallen off track. I used to be really kicking myself for this, but now, I’m kind of like, “That’s Life!” It will be okay.

The problems started when I had several “events” — a Suicide Awareness spaghetti supper, my anniversary, and a family vacation with my brother for his birthday… Since we decided to start doing stuff on the weekends, I have had very limited time to cook, which is EXTREMELY difficult when you are trying to do Low Carb because you really have to be committed to cooking hardcore from scratch for at least one day a week.

No worries, though… I think I am going to switch to low calorie for a month until it gets really cold and then switch to low carb for the next month. Switching it up and giving myself that leeway and variety will hopefully get me back on track. You have to be willing to roll with the punches in life. And I have decided that spending time with family is super important to me. As long as I am committed to continuing to progress myself nutritionally then I am going to be okay.

I chose low calorie because it’s easier to not cook with low calorie. I can heat a can of Progresso Light soup in 3 minutes in the microwave and I need that convenience right now. Once winter sets in and I am less than enthusiastic about leaving my house, then low carb will be better. I feel better eating low carb. My joints ache from the inflammation eating grains and carbs give me.

And please don’t come at me about this. I know some of the newcomers are hardcore keto eaters. But I need to take the break for now. And do NOT think I am abandoning the plan. I so am not. It is solely a matter of convenience and time right now. I will be back on plan by November. That’s the plan, Stan.

Right now, I am just focusing on family and feeding my soul. 🙂

Personal update. Quickly.

The daughter is stumbling through single womanhood and men continually prove themselves to be pigs. She is muddling through and I am proud of her. My oldest son is suddenly taking meds but he’s pissed about the cost… which is half of what I used to have to pay for him to have meds. I’m just ecstatic that he’s trying. My youngest son is ALL BOY and giving me a run for my money. He reminds me everyday just how freaking old I am when I try to get my weak ankles to run after him every day. My father and stepmother (well, that felt weird) came in for my brother’s birthday. I still feel pretty distant from him but I think I’m coming to accept that more and more. On the flip side of that, my father-in-law has become more of a presence in my youngest son’s life. This makes my husband very happy, and when he’s happy, I am happy.

That’s the short and sweet version. I will leave out the turmoil for some other time. Right now, I am calm and at peace… thanks to the new painting hobby, I am sure.

Talk to you later, peeps!

PEACE!!!

Advertisements

So my blog has been alot more popular of late due to the weight loss posts… which means we have alot of new people coming in and lurking around.

And that’s fine! If you are new here, WELCOME! 🙂

However… WARNING:

New comers should be aware of several things about me so we can get along.

1. I swear. A LOT. 

2. I could really care less what you think of me. Judge away but I’m not losing sleep over your opinion of me.

3. I am not a private person. I live my life out loud and completely honestly every.single.day.

4. The people who really love and care for me know exactly who I am and they are the ONLY ones who matter to me.

5. I don’t run this blog for money or recognition. It’s my outlet for my own therapy. It’s like talking to myself without the chaos my mind sometimes clutters with.

Now… all that being said… I am sincerely going to try not to rant here but…

I have been blogging since 2005. It has not always been here on WordPress. The original started on Myspace. I run a mirror on EP. It started as some poetry, song lyrics, Sunday supper menus for family, thoughts on missing my mom who died from breast cancer, etc. It became my therapy when my then husband stopped taking his medications for his bipolar disorder and I began  to worry about woulda, coulda, shoulda…

midlife_crisis2
Since I began blogging, I have gone through a complete life transformation. I went through the disintegration of my almost 20 year marriage, the first major bipolar episode and many subsequent episodes of my oldest son, a nasty and very emotionally charged divorce, the loss of my entire family whom I love/loved dearly, an insanely ridiculous rebound relationship,  the loss of one of my best friends on earth, and the mental break down of my other best friend on earth. I also went through a horrible online dating stage and partying like a teenager stage.

midlife_crisis
It hasn’t all been bad… Through all the storms, I have found someone who loves me for me and only me, had a beautiful new baby, had an amazing wedding, helped to navigate my daughter through two incredibly painful breakups, have seen my son begin to take control of his illness (which makes me super proud), pretty much single handedly remodeled half my house by myself, lost 60 pounds and then gained back almost 50 and have lost another 42 pounds this year.

I am a fighter… through and through… My story is MINE. I don’t give a shit if you don’t like how I have handled things. I could care less if you like me or not. I have many, many loyal readers who are dear friends of mine and have been with me the entire way. I value their opinions because they know the whole story. They don’t judge me by one post. They view it as the whole. And, no, they don’t always agree with me.

I’m okay with that. And, I will always be okay with you newcomers not agreeing with me, too. Everyone has an opinion. I get that. No problem. But, I’m not usually asking for your opinion…

op2
If you really just can’t help yourself and you simply MUST tell me your opinion, don’t come at me with your claws out. Especially based on one fucking post. You don’t know me or what I have been through in my life. Back the fuck off.

And, I’m only going to say this once… I will never repeat this again… Don’t you DARE tell me how I should feel or how I should handle myself as a family member or close friend of someone with mental illness. EVER. You have no right to tell me how I should feel.

YOU DON’T KNOW ME!!!!!!!!

The people I speak about in my blogs that have bipolar disorder are all fully aware and have said out loud to others that they have the disorder. It’s not a secret I am disclosing. I’m not here giving their names and addresses. I’m not breaching their trust in any way. All of them know and have known that I blog and speak out from a family member’s point of view on mental illness. The only person that would probably complain is my ex-husband but he is the LAST person on earth who can play the TRUST card with me.

lies
When it comes to mental illness, I believe that the supporting players — moms, dads, siblings, spouses, friends, etc. — are forgotten. There is so much damage control and stress and worrying that we all go through. The drama of what the actual person we love is going through is always the spotlight and the major focus. But the aftermath is where the supporting players come in.

I’m not saying that family members have it harder than the actual person with the mental illness. But it’s still extremely painful, heart wrenching, terrifyingly hard work to help someone who isn’t thinking rationally. It’s so emotionally draining. You feel alone in your quest because you don’t want to burden others. You have to make incredibly difficult decisions with no real guidance or guidelines that flat out guarantee you peace because there are no absolute no-fail answers. And there is definitely no one to ask.

mental1
My (overly long winded) point is… As we deal with our mentally incapable family members and loved ones, we have fears and doubts about everything we do. And we generally suffer silently as a group out of embarrassment or despair or helplessness. We feel alone. We have thoughts that other people never have to consider. How do you plan for another person’s irrationality? I’m a planner. I make no apologies for my thoughts.

People from all over the world have messaged me or emailed me with stories of how they have dealt with the people who they dearly love but are afflicted with mental illness. I judge none of them. There is no right way or wrong way to care. It is what it is. We do the best we can that day. That’s all we can do.

best
I will never judge any of you. When you message me your stories, I know you are doing the best that you can in that moment. Sometimes, it’s not our proudest moment in life but that’s okay…  and then wake up to do it all over again the next day. Day after day, month after month, year after year…

I have lived consciously with bipolar disorder in my family since the mid 1990’s. Don’t fucking tell me how I should feel or how I should act. Unless you have been here with me for the entire ride, you really don’t have enough information to judge me.

So, hopefully, I haven’t scared too many of the newcomers. I’m sorry if any of you are offended. But, it’s a blog… no one is forcing you to be here, or read this, or follow me. Move along if you don’t like me. No worries… doesn’t bother me one bit. No need to message me. People who feel compelled to message me seem to not understand that there is a clear difference between expressing your opinion and just being a rude ass bitch.

op3
Liesl can fucking bite me.

PEACE!!!

I have been a bit stressed and busy lately so I haven’t had a chance to update my long time readers. Sorry about that, peeps! If you are just a casual reader here, then you may wish to skip this post… it has nothing to do with diet or weight loss or food in any way…

boring1

So, today was Father’s Day… we didn’t do much here. Just sat around watching TV and doing cooking for the week. I had already sent a card to my father and son. I gave my husband a card and bought him some new uniforms online. Woo hoo! Exciting, eh?

There really isn’t very much going on in my personal life lately. I have become pretty boring. Considering the drama filled, emotional extravaganza I encountered on my trip to boringville, I won’t bitch about having a boring life right now. 😉

boring5

My adult son did call me today. Freaking the hell out because the cell phone he insists on getting is $100 more than he thought it would be. Really. He was out of his mind crazy upset about it. And, no. He is not on his medication at the moment. But he’s an adult now. He needs to manage that shit on his own. I can’t do it for him. He obviously needs it…

My daughter has just entered a new relationship with a new guy. I haven’t met him yet but she says he’s okay. That remains to be seen… I am suspect after the last guy who looked perfect and turned out to be a narcissistic asshole. 😐 She is almost done with her Associate’s degree. Finally. It has only taken her 4 years to complete community college. I love the girl, but really? 😆

My husband’s diabetic 85 year old grandmother has now returned from a trip to Tennessee. She is always telling me how she is on a no carb diet but is constantly eating fruit and having a “teeny bit” of cake or cookies. It frustrates me to no end. I don’t want to be mean to her but this is a life or death thing for her. I hate that she doesn’t listen when you tell her stuff.

She isn’t my grandmother and I don’t feel right bossing her around, but I feel like shaking some sense into her. Old habits die hard, I guess. I hope that I will not ever be NOT willing to listen and learn new things when I am 85 years old. She doesn’t seem to understand that if she needs low carbs and moderate protein, then all that’s left is fat. She’s lived a lifetime of the government telling her fat is bad so I guess I get it. I tell her about all the new research and she still doesn’t listen.

Learn-To-Listen
Also, I pray to God that I am not worrying about my weight when I am 85 years old. Seriously. That is a major concern for her. She absolutely does not want to gain weight. Now… granted… gaining weight would not be advantageous to her health at all. BUT… her health is not really her concern. Her concern is gaining weight, period. UGH!

Work has been extra stressful with the departure of my old manager. My new manager is very much like that prior manager that went 6 months not speaking to me. (Or vice versa… whatever…) I do not have a good vibe about this at all.

I am now starting to think about what I should do in my next chapter of life… like what new career I should have. The thing is, I would love to be a stay at home mom full time, but I am so not a believer in women being dependent in any way on a man. Ever. So I need to figure out a new career.

I keep hoping I will have an epiphany of some sort that helps guide me but it’s just not happening. I have considered taking a CNA class since CNAs can always find work somewhere and I would be okay with wearing scrubs every day… 😆 I have also considered trying to start a Virtual Assistant business but I hate selling myself. The long range of that seems to not be very stable… although I believe that the perfectionist in me would make me awesome at it.

I considered going back to college but what pisses me off about college is that I would have to take about a million of those 090 classes, which don’t even count towards college credit, to even bring myself up to speed. That pisses me off. I mean, I work with numbers every single day of my 40ish years of  life and I have yet to use any algebra from 8th grade beyond the first week or two of that instruction. WHY do I need to take MORE?

college

I have worked for 30 years straight this year. I’m so tired of working. I’m especially tired of “having” to work in order to survive. I know… I’m whining… fuck. I really just hate that I haven’t been able to CHOOSE to work, I guess. I would love the luxury.

My brother has found a great new girl and she came with two additional little girls. I knew he wouldn’t be single long. The good and stable guys never are. As much as I was sure he was going to end up being a carbon copy of my father, I am so proud that he has really grown over the last few years and is totally not. I was preparing to be basically family-less but he has really turned that around and we are closer than we ever have been. That’s real hard when you have a 12 year age difference!

My father is living well with his new wife. We have occasional brief and awkward phone calls where he is always trying too hard to get off the phone as quickly as possible and I’m trying to keep the conversation going. Oh well. I’m trying! :/

So, that’s the update on my life right now. All boring and bland but I had received a few messages asking me how things were going.

boring2

 

SUM UP: Stagnant but I’m okay with that. Need new career ideas.

PEACE!!!

My husband and I had an interesting conversation today at lunch. I had just finished a call with my father and we were talking about how the conversation went…

Generally, ever since my father and I got into the fight about him deciding to get married on a whim, things between us have not been the same. Hell, maybe it hasn’t been the same for him ever since the Italy trip. I don’t know. I keep hoping our relationship will revert back to what it was just after my mother passed away but it has not.

So, I’m telling my sweet husband how there is just this underlying tension when I talk to my father and that he always seems so uncomfortable anymore talking with me. It feels like he can’t wait to get off the phone with me. He also seems to mention hot topics in passing that feel passive aggressive to me… like, why is he even mentioning that when he knows it’s a sore subject? Am I being too sensitive? Too emotional?

I was pondering this out loud at the dinner table when my husband finally states that it seems like since he has known me that my expectations of my family are always too much for any of them to handle.

shocker2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Um…. what???? Why did I not see this before? I feel like such an idiot! 😡

I have been bitching about this for months and months! I have wasted so much stress and heartache within myself about this! It makes me so pissed at myself that I did not contemplate or even seriously consider this!

It’s true. My expectations for these people that are related to me are WAY  beyond their capabilities. And I am constantly setting myself up for disappointment. People are who they are. I cannot change them and I should not be expecting them to change. FOCK! I cannot believe how much time and energy was wasted on this mess in my life!

In the days after my mother passed away, my father was the kindest and least passive aggressive I have ever seen him in my entire life. I now realize that he was just in a very needy and vulnerable state. He was destroyed emotionally and was clinging to every good thing he could. I welcomed him into my heart and home and he was so kind and gracious to everyone. This was not his normal attitude. He had always been judgmental and would take these little jabs at people “beneath” him. He was not doing that in the days after my mom passed away. He was awesome. For me.

My brother has said that in those days after my mother passed, my father was distant and cold and generally not a good father to him. This surprises me to no end because I did not see that. I live 3+ hours away from them and was not talking to my brother real regularly at the time so I did not know this is what was happening with them.

If you all remember, my time in Italy with my father was painful for our relationship. That was when I found out he was doing some things I felt were highly immoral for very selfish reasons. It was also when I found out that his perception of me was very skewed and based on who I was as a 14/15 year old girl and not who I was as s 40+ years of age woman. And, it was when I realized how angry he was with me for that… that as a parent even, the mistakes of a teenage daughter were apparently never going to be forgiven or forgotten by him.

At the time, that made me sad. Then, it settled into just being frustrating. After today, I am just going to say that it is what it is. I can’t change it. I can’t change him. And I am pretty sure that my relationship will never progress with him as long as he carries such resentment in him.

My husband is right. I expected way too much from him as a father. I expected him to be like how I feel inside as a mother to my own children right now. I mean, I have his DNA and most of his personality… I just figured he must feel this way… but he doesn’t. He’s not like me. Everything he says about “family” to me has an underlying tension and disingenuous quality to the words.

I expected that someone almost 20 years older than me to be smarter, more sincere, more wanting of love and family… all his family… not just certain parts or people in it. I expected him to be the wiser elder. I expected him to love me unconditionally and see me for who I really am. That’s a lot of expectations to put on a normal person. As a daughter, I think a lot of women can understand how I didn’t see him as “normal” people… I saw him as my father — the one who should always be my protector and advocate and safe guard and fail safe. Super dad is what I wanted.

expectations2

As I am writing this, I feel so sad. It’s such a revelation to me that all my dreams and expectations of having a father, the self created father in my mind, are now shattered. That’s not who he is. He has told my brother multiple times in the past that we are now grown and he shouldn’t have to do anything else for us. THAT’S who he is. THAT’S the real him. It’s very emotional for me. I’m very sad about this.

But I need to accept this now. I need to make myself understand that my expectations were beyond what he could ever achieve and I am ultimately wrong for pushing that. I never, ever want anyone in life to be someone they are not. Truly. If you want to be an asshole, be one as long as it makes you happy… I don’t have to associate with you if that’s the case. But, you be whoever you want to be. Everyone in life has the right to do this. I should not be imposing different rules on this man who is my father. He’s still a normal human being at the end of the day.

 

expectations3

 

This is all kind of freaking me out because he started talking about my brother moving out to Washington by him. And I feel like I am once again being abandoned. Just left here… Oh, she’ll be fine on her own. She doesn’t need us. 😦

I have been on my own for the most part since I was 15 years old. I got my first apartment when I was 16. I worked full time and graduated high school with honors. My mom helped me out from time to time. My father acted like I didn’t exist. I can’t remember when they moved away but it was shortly after I graduated. It wasn’t too traumatic because they were still within the same state but it was a 3 1/2 hour car ride. My mother always called me once every two weeks during my really self absorbed early twenties to be sure I was still alive. And she kept it up until she no longer had the energy to speak for long periods of time. When she died, I felt all I had left was my brother and father.

Now, with news that my father is going to make a hard push for my brother to move to Washington, it will just be me again. Alone for real this time. I fully admit that right now I am a little terrified and most definitely sad. But I now see why it has been so hard for me.

family

Just because he chooses to be that way doesn’t mean I will be, though. I vow right here and now to never be that way. I never want my kids to feel that they cannot count on me… that they cannot talk to me comfortably… that they are alone… ever.

 

I’m just sitting around waiting for my husband to leave for work. 😦

Yes. He is working tonight. And tomorrow night. But, hey… you gotta do what you gotta do. Right?

Right now, my house is a hot mess but I don’t want to transform it until after he leaves. My plan is for him to walk in tomorrow morning and be so dazzled by the awesomeness of the house and soaked with holiday funness (is that even a word? It is now…) that he forgets all about his sorrows this season.

It’s hard to actually believe that just a few days ago we got into a huge fight about his participation as a “family” person. And by “huge fight”, I mean that he said something stupid, I got mad and said something snarky, and then I stomped off to bed. Then, we wake up the next day, he’s super nice to me, and we act like nothing happened… 😆

I feel bad now that I got so mad at him. He did a whole girl thing where he turned the argument around by bringing in a completely random subject that did not even belong there. I got frustrated and stomped off. Now I know how guys feel.

In reality, I now realize it was just a coping mechanism and a way to change the subject. He has been having some issues lately with how things have been going family wise and probably doesn’t really care to address it in any way. But, ya’ll know me… I face everything head on. I know… it’s a flaw. 😆

This blunt old me just needs to back up and let situations breathe, I guess. But it is so hard when you see a situation that will affect your son for the rest of his life. And, when you see your husband becoming resentful and angry, which really is just an underlying reaction to him being hurt. It’s hard to be silent.

And, of course, I wasn’t.

I don’t want my son growing up with a warped sense of family… I want him to know that sometimes you are the one who has to make the effort even when the other person could care less. It’s not about the other person. It’s about you as a person. I want him to understand that in this family… MY family… we MEAN SOMETHING to each other. And even if the effort is only once or twice a year, you should do it without fail. Because they are family and you love them unconditionally.

My husband had a mini temper tantrum the other day when I suggested that we go visit his brother who was next door visiting his grandmother. Like a big temper tantrum. He then went to his grandmother’s and acted like an asshole for the first 20 minutes. I called him on it later and that’s when he pulled the girl switcheroo. (I’m sorry, ladies, but you know you do it…)

I believe my husband has like 5 half siblings and 1 adopted sibling. He talks to none of them regularly. He’s kind of the odd man out. One group of siblings share a different father and the other half of the siblings share a different mother. They have those parents in common with each other and that seems to bond them much closer to each other than to my husband.

So my husband just stays on the edges… and he doesn’t engage them unless they engage him first. And, even then, he is cautious and guarded. If he feels in any way that he is being set on a path that will in any way harm him emotionally in the future, he will stop all communications and contact immediately.

This is all new to me. Even though I did not grow up with my brother, and we do not see each other but once or twice a year, I call him at least once a month and we can talk for hours on end. I truly love him unconditionally and I am interested in what is going on with him. I can not imagine not talking to him or seeing him for long periods of time.

But this is the norm in my husband’s family. It’s nothing to not see each other for extended periods of time. It’s not strange to NOT have contact information for each other. It’s a regular thing to not disclose the well being of other siblings. It’s all twilight zoney.

See what I’m saying? So, it’s hard for me to not say something… And, I will never be able to say I am okay with it. And I don’t ever want my son to be okay with it. My kids will never be able to keep me out of their lives. My grandkids will always see me on a regular basis. I expect my children to stay in touch with each other all their lives and long after I am gone. And we WILL spend the holidays together… I don’t care who hates who at the moment…

Family is important. That’s what I want my son to know. I plan to be an example of that. As I told my husband, he knew from the get go that family is VERY important to me. If he wasn’t in this with me, then he definitely shouldn’t have married me. I am trouble! 😆

But, I know it’s hard for him. I know he doesn’t want to admit that it is hurtful out loud. And I push way to hard. So I need to chill and just understand that he needs some time to process some of the hurts… and he needs to understand that just because some of his family does not show him his value, that we — me, Sean, my children, etc. — WE value him in our lives and WE are his family and this is the VALUE that we are going to instill in our son. Period. He does not have the right to be a shitty family member just because others are that way.

That said, today, I just want to thank God for my family — the good and the bad. Every single member teaches me something about life and myself and my life would not be complete without them in my life. I certainly have family members that I never speak to and possibly never will again. I wish them nothing but love and hope I do cross paths with them again one day. For those members that are stuck with me… I love you more than I could ever express in words…

family2

Merry Christmas!

Since I have been down and out for the whole summer, let me catch you all up on my family dramas.

My father got married. The day after my one year anniversary. I could not take time off at the last minute like that and neither could my husband and there was no way I was missing spending my first year anniversary with my husband… so I did not go. My opinion is that the date he chose to get married on was very selfish. But then, the whole marriage thing in and of itself was very selfish.

So I did not attend the wedding. My brother did, though, with my nephew. I wish it had been later in the month when I could have attended because I like traveling with my brother. We have similar ideas for where we want to go when traveling. That would make it more fun. We used to ditch our family members in Oklahoma (they didn’t invite us to hang out with them anyway so no loss) so that we could go eat at restaurants we had heard were good in the area.

Soooo, anyway… he did get married. His new wife, Joy, is a very nice woman. I have absolutely nothing against her. Our first meeting was a disaster but I think we smoothed it over. I think she somehow thought my Dad was super close to me and Leland. He’s only as close as he allows himself to be. She didn’t realize that and our first meeting she felt was cold. To me and Leland, it was  normal… It is what it is. Anyway, he is now all the way across the country and has started to rebuild his new life so there is nothing else to be said.

Big news on my daughter’s life. Remember the ghetto ass loser she was dating for four years that I could NOT get her to break up with if my life depended on it? Wellllll….. guess what? He pulled a major TIM and carried on a 6 month affair with another woman, buying her children gifts and helping to pay her bills for her. So deja Veux!

I was so upset and sad for her and her broken heart but secretly doing flips and dancing inside. What.A.Loser! It makes me sad that she gravitates to being treated this way and turned a blind eye to it for so long. I feel that staying in my own situation for years only taught her to tolerate that shit for longer than anyone should.

But she is finally FREE! Send you gainfully employed and well brought up single sons my way! My daughter needs a good guy in her life! 🙂

Actually, right now, she is just learning to be single. She was sharing a home with her boyfriend’s parents, which was awkward, so she is now living in her own one bedroom apartment, by herself. This is the first time she has ever lived alone. This will be a good learning experience for her. I worry about her constantly but we bought her a stun gun and pepper spray. We are also applying for a FOID card for her… just in case we decide she needs a gun… 😆 (Actually, we read that she needs a FOID card for the stun gun… she’s too blonde to entrust with a gun.)

My son has been doing some flip flopping on his bipolarness lately. One minute he is the best son ever and the next minute he freaking hates me. It’s like living with a 13 year old girl. And he doesn’t even live with me! WTF? 😯

He did finally find a full time position and he has stayed at it. That is a huge accomplishment for any major bipolar person. It takes alot to stay grounded. Most young people have that problem. But it is 10 times worse when you are dealing with bipolar disorder.

My husband continues to be my husband. 😉 I find that now that we have been married for a year, we are so much more comfortable with each other than we were previously. It has been awkward at times. Maybe that was because I was only with my ex-husband since I was 14 years old. This is really only like my second or third long term relationship… I know — slut, right? — Screw you, Nathan! 😛

Anyway, he still does stupid, immature things sometimes that drive me nuts… He’s lucky I am so tolerant and realize WHY he is that way. Most women would bolt.. and DID in fact bolt when he exhibited some of these less than stellar behaviors. For example…

The night of our anniversary, we went for a romantic supper at a nice Italian restaurant. Everything was good. We made a Walmart run right after and then headed home. I could tell he was a little tired… So we get home and he’s cranky as hell! WTF? It’s our anniversary, dude! You are not acting like a (excuse my French) fuckable husband right now! Needless to say, anniversary sex did NOT happen that night. Pissed me off. 😆 He apologized the next day but you only get ONE first wedding anniversary night, ya know?

Oh well. That’s okay. I’m not scarred for life by it or anything. I haven’t felt very “fuckable” myself lately anyway. 😆

I’ve spent my entire summer mired in stress and have been unable to lose anything. And I swear to God that the baby pushed all my fat UP so I still look pregnant half the time. I read somewhere that stress causes more abdominal fat as well so I have been screwed from the start, I suppose. The bad tenants, house remodel, plumbing issues, excessive home repair costs, and an absolutely grueling work environment have ruined my ability to deal with stress effectively. That will probably be my New Year’s Resolution. Take care of me. 🙂

So that’s the short family update. Hope everyone else’s families are well. EPers please remember to keep Nate’s momma in your prayers.

PEACE!

Sooooo…. It’s like almost noon… And not one person has said Happy Mother’s Day to me yet. And I’ve been up since 6am.

W.T.F. 😯

I’m sure I’ll come back later to bitch some more. Right now, I am going to waste my day being depressed and wallowing in self-pity.

Carry on, all you people with moms and appreciative families… 😦