Posts Tagged ‘menopause’

I know I have been MIA. I have been so frustrated with this stall I am in and just really didn’t know what to say. I was hoping I could break it and be all like, “Look at how fucking smart I am!”

its-funny-cuz-u-is-stupid

But I’m not smart, apparently. Because I am still stalled.

UGH!!!!!

I am not perfect by far. But I am determined. Every time I do low carb, I get stalled at around 40 pounds. I get frustrated and pissed off and abandon the plan for low calorie/high carb. I’m not doing that this time. Mostly because I’m stubborn and now I feel like I have a vendetta against my rebellious body.

fuckit

So, I have just been trudging on. And not losing.

Here’s the things I think are holding me back:

1. Not enough sleep
2. Fucking PEANUT BUTTER!
3. Fucking POPCORN!
4. Too much snacking
5. Using net carbs

One of the battles I seem to be having lately is insomnia. Is this a side effect of menopause? Someone tell me now! It’s killing me. Last week, I spent one night laying wide awake in bed until 4:45am and then my kid woke up at 8am. This is not conducive to weight loss. GRRRR!

tired

Lately, I have been craving sweets. This is not me. I am not a sweet eater. I got fat eating onion rings, french fries, fried chicken, pasta, risotto, enchiladas, and tacos. But my one sweet spot in my heart is reserved for chocolate peanut butter ice cream. So I can’t have that low carb ice cream around because I could eat a quart in a week easily and it has ALOT of sugar alcohols. So I came up with a brilliant idea to use one tablespoon of sugar free chocolate chips mixed in with all natural peanut butter.

Now, overall, this is low carb… but not when you eat 4 tablespoons of peanut butter with it. Because 4 tablespoons is like 11 grams of carbs! That’s half of my carb allowance in general for the day! WTF? And I keep doing it! Someone stop me!

gluttony

No… REALLY… SOMEONE STOP ME!

The ONE thing that I miss on low carb more than anything in the whole wide world is bad, bad GMO popcorn with lots of real butter. And I can’t eat just a cup or two. I need to eat the whole damn bowl!

My husband and I watch and go to movies all the time. It’s like our thing. And movie theaters do not sell ANYTHING low carb. Jerky and pork rinds are NOT theater food. So shut your face if that’s your solution…

popcorn

In general, I do fine all day until I get off work. After I get my kid to bed, I am starving… I eat something… and then another something… and then some peanut butter… and then another something… GAH!

When I did low calorie/high carb, this was something I could work around. However, most of the items on low carb are high calorie or high protein. So I am constantly fucking my whole macro plan up! It’s so frustrating because I *know* what I am doing AS I am doing it!

I usually talk myself into snacking by making sure it’s low carb. But if it’s low carb, it’s usually high protein! Which just turns into glucose anyway! FML!

sabotage

For example, just now, I went and grabbed a chicken leg from the frig… I’m already at 80g of protein for the day! I didn’t need to eat the fucking chicken leg!

So this is how I am currently spiraling out of control. I do have a plan to stop it.

To Be Continued…

 

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Don’t answer that. And don’t mess with me. I’m in a funk right now and might kill you with a dull spoon if you say anything cross-eyed.

So, I didn’t do an official weigh in this month yet because Aunt Flo came on the exact same day that I was scheduled to do that. Bitch. So now I am a bloaty whale. BLLLAAAAAHHHHHH!

pms
Seriously. I am having some issues this past month and the scale really hasn’t moved much. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me. It’s almost like I have been PMSing for a month straight. I constantly snack. I cry over the stupidest things. I get super pissed off about stupid shit. I feel depressed but I don’t really have much to be depressed over.

I wonder if this is the start of menopause… how long does that take? I mean, is it possible that I might end up in prison? Because if it takes too long, I will probably kill someone. My research indicates that menopause can take a few years from start to finish. In which case, can I borrow some bail money? (Just getting that out of the way now….)

menopause
But what if it’s not menopause…

Depression maybe? It has been raining like every fucking day! It’s gloomy and yucky and annoying and pisses me off and depresses me. *sigh* In general, I usually get S.A.D. pretty bad in the winter time, so that’s why I am considering that as a possible culprit.

I watched this documentary on happiness on Hulu. All these people were basically at crossroads where they were just saying, “Fuck it”. Then they would sell all their shit and do whatever they wanted. And they were all so happy. Which made me sad. 😦

finethanks

Not that I want to do that. But I have definitely seen better days professionally. If you are a manager or supervisor of people, please take some advice from a minion… take a minute of your precious fucking time to appreciate the people who are there to make you look good… and do NOT be condescending. Ever.

There is a good way to manage people and a bad way. It appears that bad managers always win. Why is that??? Do people really only perform well when they are being managed by really cold, non-team oriented people??? I just don’t get it.

boss

So, yeah…

Ugh. I hate being a whiny bitch! I am usually so good at looking at the bright side of things!

I need to pull my head out of my ass. I currently have a week off work. I need to use the week to get rid of that ho bag Flo and try to clear my head so I can think clearly. Hopefully my husband will still be alive in a week.

I’M KIDDING! Kind of.  But, really, I swear if he does one more inconsiderate thing to me, I will lose my shit…

PEACE!