Posts Tagged ‘swearing’

22.4 POUNDS GONE!!!

 

Not too shabby for this fat chick, eh? I am pretty satisfied. I mean, I wish it was like 100 pounds but whatev…  🙂

I actually think it would have been slightly more, but remember how I decided to stop drinking caffeine? Yeah, that didn’t work out so well. I actually GAINED 2 pounds that first week. After some research and constant bitching over at EP, I found out that caffeine is generally a diuretic… And when you stop drinking caffeine, your body… MY stupid freaking body… retains water.

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So I stopped that. 😆 I mean, the benefits of continuing to drink coffee way outweigh the risks. For me anyway. Maybe I’ll try again when I am at goal weight but not right now. Besides, decaf coffee SUUUUUUCKS!!!

So, anyway, I am super excited that I have lost so much weight. I have no illusions that I will continue to lose more than 10 pounds a month. My goal is 4 pounds a month. Anything over that is gravy. Low carb gravy…

Oh! And another thing I realized during my no caffeine week was that my efforts to increase my carbs caused me to not get enough fat in, which may have contributed to not losing any weight that week. As a result, I wasn’t even eating 1500 calories. It’s funny, because you’d think I would lose weight by eating less calories. that is NOT the case, though, when your body hates you. Nope.

So, I upped my fat, started drinking coffee again, and increased my calories to 1600-1700 a day. And the 2 pounds I gained turned into 3 pounds lost! I’m okay with that. 😉

I know (because I have been told 100 times by the militant bitches in the Facebook groups over and over and over again) that I am not supposed to be counting calories on LCHF, but um… FUCK OFF! I know my super catty, overly frumpy, control freak body better than anyone else. It needs calorie restriction. I cannot lose weight by eating 3000 calories a day. Bitches.

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In fact, I have had it with all these internet people who like to tell you how you should live. I imagine they are all homebound and lonely and have nothing better to do than to try to instigate bullshit all day. Back in the day, I was always up for a good fight. Now, at 40ish, I have no patience at all. I do not have time to explain to you why you are ignorant or why your peers that you are defending are ignorant. Seriously. I have way better things to do in my life… carry on telling everyone else how to live… and stay the hell away from me.

I had two instances where people tried to provoke me into arguments on Facebook this week. I didn’t bite. I thought about it. And then I decided I needed to paint my toenails. Priorities, people! Priorities! 😀

I haven’t weighed myself in a couple of days but I hope it’s positive… or rather, NEGATIVE. 😆 I ate a shit ton of creamed spinach this week. I don’t even like spinach a whole lot but the taste is addictive!

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Okay, it’s not the best picture in the world… it is what it is… here’s the recipe for the spinach:

CREAMED SPINACH

Items in this meal Calories Protein Fat Carbs Fiber Sugar
New Star – Classic Spinach – Raw, 140.3 g (1 1/2 cups) 33 3 0 5 3 0
Onions – Raw, 20 g 8 0 0 2 0 1
Centrella – Grated Parmesan Cheese, 0.8 Tb (5g) 15 2 1 0 0 0
Spices – Garlic powder, 0.5 tsp 5 0 0 1 0 0
Philadelphia Cream Cheese – Original, 2 oz 200 4 18 2 0 0
Butter – Unsalted, 3 tbsp 305 0 35 0 0 0

(Well, that table just looks horrific… HELP!)

Keep in mind that I used 3 Tablespoons of butter because I needed to up my fat. You could use one tablespoon. Or use a different fat like Olive Oil or Coconut Oil. Whatever. It’s totally adjustable. And it’s filling. And super rich and decadent. Mmmm! 😀

And before some jack off comes around here bitching at the measurements… I use a digital scale and weigh everything I can. I am super anal and a chronic perfectionist. Measurements are not always the same for every person doing the measuring in a cup. For example, it says the 140 grams of spinach was only 1 1/2 cups. I’m telling you…. no. It was way more than 1 1/2 cups. Grams don’t lie. That’s the way I roll. There are a million recipes out there for Creamed Spinach. Go find one of the other ones if you hate my measurements.  😛

The totals for the recipe above, as is: 566 Calories, 9 grams of protein, 54 grams of fat, 10 total carbs, 3 fiber, (7 Net carbs), 1 sugar. You can make several changes to alter for various reasons. Taking the onion out saves 2 carbs and 1 sugar, for example.

Okay, so there is my two month weigh in post. If anyone here is using Myfitnesspal, feel free to friend me. My user name is reneeroling. I need friends there… because just like in real life, I am a loner there too. 😐

PEACE!!!

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Or, maybe more…

FAIR WARNING: This post contains swear words. So pull up your big girl panties or move on…

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I swear (a lot). People are effing nuts. I mean, I talk to all sorts of people all over the United States all day every day but I am pretty sure that the craziest people in the world reside right here within 30 radius miles of me.

So the biggest drama I have been dealing with is my renters. They broke up. And dragged my ass right in the middle of it. Are you ready for this? It’s somewhat Jerry Springer-ish…

Okay maybe not this bad

So, my renters are friends of mine. One was a former employee that moved here with my ex-husband and me back in 2000 and the other I met at a bachelorette party for her sister-in-law. The former employee I have known since 2000 at least and has always been there for me whenever I have asked for help. In his past, he was a selfish, lazy ass, woman mooching jerk. He has grown up a lot and I do think he is a good person at the end of the day. We used to hang out a lot when I was separated and we made sure each other got home safely on some late nights out with friends.

His significant other is from my former hometown. I went to school with her brother. I hung out with her for a bit when I was separated from my husband and we hit it off. She’s a fun girl and I always assumed she was pretty straight forward of a person. I like straight forward people. She hooked up with my former employee when I wasn’t even around and I was ecstatic for both of them because they seemed to really get along and match each other’s personalities.

Fast forward three years… My former employee is the one who came to my rescue this past summer when everyone on God’s green earth abandoned me. He carries the same value system as me and I love him like a little brother. When he asked me if I would consider renting to him, I jumped. I knew he could handle emergencies and most repair issues at the house. He and his significant other had a two year old little girl together and her children from a prior marriage.  And they seemed stable and happy! I was so relieved!

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So, I should have known something was very bad at Christmas. I went over and dropped off Christmas gifts for their family and she was the only one home, other than a couple of kids. I knew they had been fighting a bit but she was really just trashing her man, telling me he was accusing her of cheating and going off in fits of rage without warning. She also kind of acted like she had better shit to do than sit around bullshitting with me, which she had never done before.

Well, come to find out… SHE WAS CHEATING! She tells me now that it was after I saw her at Christmas and she hadn’t even considered it when she spoke with me. Complete bullshit because I happen to know she cheated like a day or two after I spoke with her. She slept with some complete stranger in Chicago, which is 2+ hours away. Now… women don’t usually fuck strangers without talking to them just a little bit for a few days first. So, I call bullshit. 😡

So, anyway, she cheats. That pissed me off because she lied right to my face and tried to make it look like my former employee/ my friend/ my brother was a nutcase.  😡 As someone quite experienced with cheating, lying bastards, I can fully understand and relate to random fits of rage for unexplainable reasons in the days or weeks leading up to a cheating discovery on his behalf. Because you fucking know… you know the person is cheating or getting ready to… but you are trying to convince yourself that it just isn’t happening… so you push all the rage back… but it pops out in little pockets, unexpectedly. That happens. I get that.

So, she came clean to my former employee and it just devastates him. Once again, I can totally relate. When someone who you completely trust down to the very bottom depths of your soul betrays you, you are decimated. Obliterated. Destroyed to the core. He did not reach out to me for three or four days and he was destroyed. I felt bad for him.

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What I felt worse about was the fact that she was wishy washy. She was not full of remorse or regret. She was half assed being apologetic and then telling him how unhappy she was for “so long”. Oh. My. Lord. 😯

DE-JA-VU!!!!!

Trigger.Trigger.Trigger. This is how I lived most of the last half of my marriage. While my ex-husband was always remorseful, he did temper that with a healthy does of “oh poor me, I am so unhappy, that’s why I keep fucking you over… but I’m sooo unhappy. WAH!”. And he did this consistently for the next 10 years… like every single day. Do you know what it does to your significant other when you tell them that you are unhappy? After you have cheated and betrayed that person? After that person has helped you completely make over your life? They start to think it’s themselves making you unhappy. They get depressed. They start hating themselves. They start thinking that if they died you would be happier. Don’t do that, you fuck!

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So, yeah, she’s telling him basically that it’s his fault that she was being a skank ass slut. Then, she starts accusing him of cheating. Go figure. He tells me this isn’t true. She claims people have told her without a doubt that it is true. 😐 I believe nothing unless one of three people on earth who I consider absolutely trustworthy tell me, so I will take his word until one of the three tells me different. I know what it’s like to be accused of cheating constantly when you know you are not.

(For all you light weights… one of the top five signs that your partner is cheating is when they start accusing YOU of cheating and you KNOW that’s not true.)

So, okay… they start trying to work it out, because almost all couples do “try” to work it out. I said for years I would walk right out the door if it ever happened to me but I didn’t. I was all talk. I stayed and tried (for way too long). So did my renters. But then, my friend comes to me and tells me some of the things his significant other is saying in conversation and things that have happened. And I realize she is trying to provoke him… on purpose… 😯

My friend/former employee is a Army veteran with PTSD issues. He can lose his temper. I have rarely seen him lose his temper around me. And, in fact, I have only actually heard of two or three times in ten years where he became so agitated that he actually yelled or threw something. I’m not saying he doesn’t do it… I’m saying he is probably prone to it, given the right conditions and environment. That doesn’t make it right, but it is what it is…

This woman was creating an environment that would subsequently cause him to lose self control! I could hear it in what he was telling me. I knew it and I told him. I told him that she was trying to get under his skin. I told him to stay calm and just make the break and be done with it. She was purposely trying to provoke him!

I really wanted her to just move on and for him to stay stable in my home. I wasn’t trying to be selfish. I just wanted him to be the stable one and her to leave since that is what she wanted anyway… All he had to do was quit listening to her and wait for her to file her taxes and let her leave.

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He didn’t listen. Some fight started after he had been drinking. I don’t know all the details. I only know what the police report said. He threw something and a part of it hit her. He was thrown in jail for domestic battery and damage to property. She had him arrested. For a fight she probably provoked.

Here’s how I feel about people who charge their family members for crimes or call the cops on them after you have provoked them for DAYS to do something rash: You are WHITE TRASH. This is not for everyone… I’m not saying you shouldn’t have your Uncle arrested for molesting your children or charge your husband or wife with battery if they are beating you in the face with their fists like you’re in Fight Club. But, people who charge people just out of vindictiveness for small things are white mother fucking trash.

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For example, one of my foster children has a juvenile FELONY record for assault because he pushed his wheelchair bound uncle away from him… hard. The uncle called the cops. The boy was then entered into the juvenile criminal system. The uncle was never charged with anything… because he was in a wheel chair, I am sure. But the real story is that the uncle was a nasty old man that carried a cane that he used to beat his sister’s children with. He would prod them and poke them, intentionally trip them, whip the back of their legs when they least expected it… Maybe he was just ignorant, but really… did he never expect these children to grow up and decide one day to not take it anymore? So, at 11 years old, he had his nephew charged for a crime he provoked into being. That man is white mother fucking trash.

To me, this woman provoked my friend… for days… maybe even a few weeks… to lose his shit and throw a Wii console. Not at her… at a wall. When the console broke, a game/dvd flew out and hit her. Domestic battery is not an easy thing to get out of and it will probably be a part of his record now FOREVER. They have a daughter together. She didn’t need to charge him. The woman has family all over the damn county. She could have left long ago, got a restraining order without charging him, and never spoke to him again… but hey, charging him is so much better…

I just have different values…  And, don’t you think for one second that I don’t know what I’m talking about because I have never been in that situation. I have actually been in worse situations, more than once in my lifetime… I chose a different path… because having the father of my children charged with something that cannot be amended in any way and becomes a permanent scar on them is too serious of a responsibility. I would be ashamed of pressing charges especially if I knew I had provoked him, full well knowing his mental limitations. I did not provoke what happened to me and I still didn’t have him charged.

Once again, this is not for serious assault cases or in cases where someone repeatedly abuses someone physically… I completely understand those situations and agree that protecting yourself and your family from serious physical harm is essential is some cases. I do not believe this to be the case here.

So, anyway, now she is staying in the house. My house. And he is in jail… or was… I have no idea where he is now… I hope he is choosing to start a new life far away from her. They both need to stay away from each other.

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After all this happened, she hacked his Facebook and read all my messages to him. Then tried to confront me about it all and straight up continued to lie to me about it. I just told her exactly what I thought while trying to stay classy. I really did at one time think this woman was a friend to me. She’s not. I can’t be friends with someone that cannot just admit when they did something like that… because it shows disrespect to me to think I am that stupid. Besides, there is absolutely no way I can support the decision to call the cops for that situation.

Her message to confront me was full of the usual cheater excuses of unhappiness and how cruel he was… and how she wasn’t letting anyone treat her that way… And how I should ask so and so to confirm this. And how her brother (one of the loudest, most obnoxiously honest, up front and to the point people I have ever known in my life… and that’s a compliment…) could tell me what a rat her man was… really??? So why didn’t her brother confront the man himself? Because the brother I know would definitely have said something…

Listen up, Ladies… if your man is not respecting you and makes you feel unhappy, unloved, or unwanted, LEAVE. Walk right the hell out. Especially if you have nearby family who is supposedly witness to all the wrongdoings committed against you… WHY WOULD YOU STAY???? Apparently so you can provoke them to leave… so much more fun that way…

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So that was about 6 weeks of drama right there. Additional dramas?

One of my ex-BFFs contacted me out of the blue stating that she finally got her husband to leave and how should she go about filing for divorce. First of all, hel-lo… I haven’t heard from you in forever. Yes, I’m doing great. Yada, yada, yada… Second of all, I am the LAST person you should ask about how to do a divorce… mine took forever and cost and arm and three legs for NOTHING. What little I did get awarded, I never actually received and probably never will. You should probably ask someone who did it more successfully than me. 😕

By the way, this woman was actually verbally abused severely for many years. I know this because I witnessed it. She had the cops at her house on more than one occasion and she filed a temporary restraining order once in the last 2 years or so just to create some space for her to think. She never had him charged with anything and he threw shit all over the damn house… kicked her car door in… made an ass out of himself… but she never had him charged. I will give her that at least. She had some class and knew that her children would have this father as their father forever no matter what. Having him charged with damage to property was not going to help their perception of him… he was doing a fine job all by himself…

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My other ex-BFF just out of the blue contacted me and apologized. I have not yet answered her yet and am still contemplating on what to do. I miss her a lot but she is a Bipolar 1 and just went through an “episode”… it was an extended 8 month episode and involved me to some extent in that she accused me of having an affair with her husband. Several times. 😐

While I completely understand the bipolar part of everything, and I am actually very sympathetic to the journey so many bipolar people have to take, it was jarring to have someone who either wasn’t married to me or whom I did not give birth to, treat me so badly over paranoia. And I’m not sure how comfortable I am with making myself open to being attacked again in that way. She says she is better… but she told me that once before… 😦

So that’s where I have been… what I have been doing… where my head has been at… stuck in a all girl, junior high after school Jerry Springer TV special… Now you know…

Bet you wish you didn’t, huh?

😛

Since I have been down and out for the whole summer, let me catch you all up on my family dramas.

My father got married. The day after my one year anniversary. I could not take time off at the last minute like that and neither could my husband and there was no way I was missing spending my first year anniversary with my husband… so I did not go. My opinion is that the date he chose to get married on was very selfish. But then, the whole marriage thing in and of itself was very selfish.

So I did not attend the wedding. My brother did, though, with my nephew. I wish it had been later in the month when I could have attended because I like traveling with my brother. We have similar ideas for where we want to go when traveling. That would make it more fun. We used to ditch our family members in Oklahoma (they didn’t invite us to hang out with them anyway so no loss) so that we could go eat at restaurants we had heard were good in the area.

Soooo, anyway… he did get married. His new wife, Joy, is a very nice woman. I have absolutely nothing against her. Our first meeting was a disaster but I think we smoothed it over. I think she somehow thought my Dad was super close to me and Leland. He’s only as close as he allows himself to be. She didn’t realize that and our first meeting she felt was cold. To me and Leland, it was  normal… It is what it is. Anyway, he is now all the way across the country and has started to rebuild his new life so there is nothing else to be said.

Big news on my daughter’s life. Remember the ghetto ass loser she was dating for four years that I could NOT get her to break up with if my life depended on it? Wellllll….. guess what? He pulled a major TIM and carried on a 6 month affair with another woman, buying her children gifts and helping to pay her bills for her. So deja Veux!

I was so upset and sad for her and her broken heart but secretly doing flips and dancing inside. What.A.Loser! It makes me sad that she gravitates to being treated this way and turned a blind eye to it for so long. I feel that staying in my own situation for years only taught her to tolerate that shit for longer than anyone should.

But she is finally FREE! Send you gainfully employed and well brought up single sons my way! My daughter needs a good guy in her life! 🙂

Actually, right now, she is just learning to be single. She was sharing a home with her boyfriend’s parents, which was awkward, so she is now living in her own one bedroom apartment, by herself. This is the first time she has ever lived alone. This will be a good learning experience for her. I worry about her constantly but we bought her a stun gun and pepper spray. We are also applying for a FOID card for her… just in case we decide she needs a gun… 😆 (Actually, we read that she needs a FOID card for the stun gun… she’s too blonde to entrust with a gun.)

My son has been doing some flip flopping on his bipolarness lately. One minute he is the best son ever and the next minute he freaking hates me. It’s like living with a 13 year old girl. And he doesn’t even live with me! WTF? 😯

He did finally find a full time position and he has stayed at it. That is a huge accomplishment for any major bipolar person. It takes alot to stay grounded. Most young people have that problem. But it is 10 times worse when you are dealing with bipolar disorder.

My husband continues to be my husband. 😉 I find that now that we have been married for a year, we are so much more comfortable with each other than we were previously. It has been awkward at times. Maybe that was because I was only with my ex-husband since I was 14 years old. This is really only like my second or third long term relationship… I know — slut, right? — Screw you, Nathan! 😛

Anyway, he still does stupid, immature things sometimes that drive me nuts… He’s lucky I am so tolerant and realize WHY he is that way. Most women would bolt.. and DID in fact bolt when he exhibited some of these less than stellar behaviors. For example…

The night of our anniversary, we went for a romantic supper at a nice Italian restaurant. Everything was good. We made a Walmart run right after and then headed home. I could tell he was a little tired… So we get home and he’s cranky as hell! WTF? It’s our anniversary, dude! You are not acting like a (excuse my French) fuckable husband right now! Needless to say, anniversary sex did NOT happen that night. Pissed me off. 😆 He apologized the next day but you only get ONE first wedding anniversary night, ya know?

Oh well. That’s okay. I’m not scarred for life by it or anything. I haven’t felt very “fuckable” myself lately anyway. 😆

I’ve spent my entire summer mired in stress and have been unable to lose anything. And I swear to God that the baby pushed all my fat UP so I still look pregnant half the time. I read somewhere that stress causes more abdominal fat as well so I have been screwed from the start, I suppose. The bad tenants, house remodel, plumbing issues, excessive home repair costs, and an absolutely grueling work environment have ruined my ability to deal with stress effectively. That will probably be my New Year’s Resolution. Take care of me. 🙂

So that’s the short family update. Hope everyone else’s families are well. EPers please remember to keep Nate’s momma in your prayers.

PEACE!