Bite me.

So my blog has been alot more popular of late due to the weight loss posts… which means we have alot of new people coming in and lurking around.

And that’s fine! If you are new here, WELCOME! 🙂

However… WARNING:

New comers should be aware of several things about me so we can get along.

1. I swear. A LOT. 

2. I could really care less what you think of me. Judge away but I’m not losing sleep over your opinion of me.

3. I am not a private person. I live my life out loud and completely honestly every.single.day.

4. The people who really love and care for me know exactly who I am and they are the ONLY ones who matter to me.

5. I don’t run this blog for money or recognition. It’s my outlet for my own therapy. It’s like talking to myself without the chaos my mind sometimes clutters with.

Now… all that being said… I am sincerely going to try not to rant here but…

I have been blogging since 2005. It has not always been here on WordPress. The original started on Myspace. I run a mirror on EP. It started as some poetry, song lyrics, Sunday supper menus for family, thoughts on missing my mom who died from breast cancer, etc. It became my therapy when my then husband stopped taking his medications for his bipolar disorder and I began  to worry about woulda, coulda, shoulda…

Since I began blogging, I have gone through a complete life transformation. I went through the disintegration of my almost 20 year marriage, the first major bipolar episode and many subsequent episodes of my oldest son, a nasty and very emotionally charged divorce, the loss of my entire family whom I love/loved dearly, an insanely ridiculous rebound relationship,  the loss of one of my best friends on earth, and the mental break down of my other best friend on earth. I also went through a horrible online dating stage and partying like a teenager stage.

It hasn’t all been bad… Through all the storms, I have found someone who loves me for me and only me, had a beautiful new baby, had an amazing wedding, helped to navigate my daughter through two incredibly painful breakups, have seen my son begin to take control of his illness (which makes me super proud), pretty much single handedly remodeled half my house by myself, lost 60 pounds and then gained back almost 50 and have lost another 42 pounds this year.

I am a fighter… through and through… My story is MINE. I don’t give a shit if you don’t like how I have handled things. I could care less if you like me or not. I have many, many loyal readers who are dear friends of mine and have been with me the entire way. I value their opinions because they know the whole story. They don’t judge me by one post. They view it as the whole. And, no, they don’t always agree with me.

I’m okay with that. And, I will always be okay with you newcomers not agreeing with me, too. Everyone has an opinion. I get that. No problem. But, I’m not usually asking for your opinion…

If you really just can’t help yourself and you simply MUST tell me your opinion, don’t come at me with your claws out. Especially based on one fucking post. You don’t know me or what I have been through in my life. Back the fuck off.

And, I’m only going to say this once… I will never repeat this again… Don’t you DARE tell me how I should feel or how I should handle myself as a family member or close friend of someone with mental illness. EVER. You have no right to tell me how I should feel.

YOU DON’T KNOW ME!!!!!!!!

The people I speak about in my blogs that have bipolar disorder are all fully aware and have said out loud to others that they have the disorder. It’s not a secret I am disclosing. I’m not here giving their names and addresses. I’m not breaching their trust in any way. All of them know and have known that I blog and speak out from a family member’s point of view on mental illness. The only person that would probably complain is my ex-husband but he is the LAST person on earth who can play the TRUST card with me.

When it comes to mental illness, I believe that the supporting players — moms, dads, siblings, spouses, friends, etc. — are forgotten. There is so much damage control and stress and worrying that we all go through. The drama of what the actual person we love is going through is always the spotlight and the major focus. But the aftermath is where the supporting players come in.

I’m not saying that family members have it harder than the actual person with the mental illness. But it’s still extremely painful, heart wrenching, terrifyingly hard work to help someone who isn’t thinking rationally. It’s so emotionally draining. You feel alone in your quest because you don’t want to burden others. You have to make incredibly difficult decisions with no real guidance or guidelines that flat out guarantee you peace because there are no absolute no-fail answers. And there is definitely no one to ask.

My (overly long winded) point is… As we deal with our mentally incapable family members and loved ones, we have fears and doubts about everything we do. And we generally suffer silently as a group out of embarrassment or despair or helplessness. We feel alone. We have thoughts that other people never have to consider. How do you plan for another person’s irrationality? I’m a planner. I make no apologies for my thoughts.

People from all over the world have messaged me or emailed me with stories of how they have dealt with the people who they dearly love but are afflicted with mental illness. I judge none of them. There is no right way or wrong way to care. It is what it is. We do the best we can that day. That’s all we can do.

I will never judge any of you. When you message me your stories, I know you are doing the best that you can in that moment. Sometimes, it’s not our proudest moment in life but that’s okay…  and then wake up to do it all over again the next day. Day after day, month after month, year after year…

I have lived consciously with bipolar disorder in my family since the mid 1990’s. Don’t fucking tell me how I should feel or how I should act. Unless you have been here with me for the entire ride, you really don’t have enough information to judge me.

So, hopefully, I haven’t scared too many of the newcomers. I’m sorry if any of you are offended. But, it’s a blog… no one is forcing you to be here, or read this, or follow me. Move along if you don’t like me. No worries… doesn’t bother me one bit. No need to message me. People who feel compelled to message me seem to not understand that there is a clear difference between expressing your opinion and just being a rude ass bitch.

Liesl can fucking bite me.

PEACE!!!